Kimilsungism-Kimjongilism: Chaos from Korea (North)

Say “Kimilsungism-Kimjongilism” three times, speaking fast. Can’t do it? I doubt many care.

But this seems to be the cult of personality pushed nowadays by North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. The ever-entertaining Korean Central News Agency of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, or KNCA, expounds upon a June 24 “National Seminar on Kim Jung Un’s Ideas and Lines.” The seminar at the Pyongyang People’s Palace of Culture sought “to deeply grasp and thoroughly implement the ideas and lines set forth by supreme leader Kim Jong Un in his report to the Seventh Congress of the Workers’ Party of Korea,” the KNCA says.

North Korean leader Kim Jong Un is escorted by NK Army leaders, from left, Larry, Moe and Curly. (North) Korea Central News Agency photo.
North Korean leader Kim Jong Un is escorted by NK Army leaders, from left, Larry, Moe and Curly. (North) Korea Central News Agency photo.

Okay.

 “Choe Thae Bok, vice-chairman of the C.C., the WPK, and other speakers said that the revolutionary lines set forth in the report including the clarification that the general line of building socialism and the self-development-first principle serve as the strategic line to be consistently maintained in building a socialist power and realizing the cause of modeling the whole society on Kimilsungism-Kimjongilism are an encyclopedic and political great programme which gives perfect answers to the theoretical and practical issues in the revolution and construction,” the KNCA reports in an amazing one sentence description.

What does it mean? Well, the crack(ed) writers at the KNCA further explained by reporting:

“They (the speakers) noted that the programme for modeling the whole society on Kimilsungism-Kimjongilism clarifies the correct orientation and ways of firmly preparing those in charge of accomplishing the cause of the popular masses for independence, the socialist cause, and the driving force, enhancing their role, transforming all fabrics of social life as required by Kimilsungism-Kimjongilism and triumphantly advancing the revolution and construction.”

Clear as mud? Here is more:

 “They (the same they) pointed out that the WPK and the Korean people will straightly advance along the immutable orbit of independence, Songun (military first) and socialism and discharge their pioneer role in the struggle to realize global independence as the defenders of independence and justice under the leadership of Marshal Kim Jong Un no matter how the situation may change and relations with neighboring countries may alter.”

Ah yes, that great struggle to realize global independence as the defenders of independence and justice under the leadership of Marshal Kim Jong Un. Sounds a little like Superman. I wouldn’t want to imagine Kim in the blue, skin-tight costume. And by the way, how many titles do Kim Jong Un have? A totalitarian for all occasions.

I truly wonder who this mouthpiece for the Pyongyang leadership — again Kim Jong Un — believes that it is addressing? If this is the crap being fed to the masses, then this nation is in worse shape than it seems.

I’m sure a President Trump would understand though. Perhaps The Donald and his Secretary of State Dennis Rodman will make the historic first visit to this closed society.

 

Twice with “The Interview” and still no funnier

And in the end, after all the hubbub and a threats and serious talk of cyber-terrorism —  not to mention dipshit’s such as CNN’s Jake Tapper who postulated the United States lost the first cyber war — there was a movie. That movie had little going for it albeit some R-rated humor that made for some big laughs with an ending that might (no promises) have sufficed had I not already known the ending. Oh well, the movie was billed as comedy. The world went topsy-turvey for awhile aided by an electronic news media that seemed to evoke for some the second coming of the Cuban Missile Crisis.

Along that backdrop did I watch “The Interview” twice. I watched on my laptop after its simultaneous release online and in “fearless” movie theaters across the US of A.

I couldn’t really complain about the price. The movie had several online outlets. The one I used, seetheinterview.com, streamed the movie at the low, low, price of $5.99  and could be watched for 48 hours. Thus, I came back and watched it again a short time ago. Not much really changed during the second viewing.

Only if someone occasionally finds low brow humor really funny can enough parts of the film remain salvageable. (Rob Lowe ‘removes’ his hair, exposing several strands extending from front to back. This leads a control room lady to exclaim: “It looks like someone’s taint!” The James Franco character finds a double entendre which only he sees the hilarity until discovered by the North Korean leader. “They hate us ’cause they ain’t us” This comes out of course as “They hate us ’cause they anus.”)

One also wonders whether the movie’s production folks were channeling Ed Wood, what with several noticeable inconsistencies — Franco and Seth Rogan whispering because of possible bugs in the Kim palace guest rooms then inexplicably talking out loud. As LA Times critic Betsy Sharkey writes: “This is, to put it bluntly, not a good film.”

As discussing with my friend across the Pacific, Paul, yesterday, it almost seemed as if watching this film somehow became an act of patriotism. Other friends sees the run up to the movie with the warnings of 9/11 style attacks as well as the puzzling water cooler gossip — the Sony email which calls Angelina Jolie “a minimally talented spoiled brat” — some kind of bizarre way to pack theaters.

The supposed hacking of Sony is one of those events which comes along leaving more head scratching than answers. To paraphrase an earlier phrase about Angelina Jolie, “The Interview” was a minimally funny comedy.

But it certainly got talked about.

Who need the perp? Not me.

Perp walks. I just saw one on local TV. The “perp” looked as if his head was going to snap as he walked with his head away from the cameras. This young suspect of a home invasion robbery in nearby Port Arthur, Texas, was able to pull his sweater over his head. The few local reporters there all asked the man if he pulled off the crime. Apparently, the man didn’t answer, on camera at least. He probably said that he didn’t do it. Do what, Man? It is likely he’s done a crime or two before.

The perp walk typically happens when the cops call or email the press about an upcoming prisoner transfer to jail or arraignment. Usually, the reporters don’t just come up on a perp walk on their own.

I went to a few perp walks in my career in the news business. I found those occasions only slightly more useful to a news story than the “man on the street” interviews, what we called the “geek on the street.”

Maybe other countries are above such showmanship. Say nations like North Korea. Yes, it seems totalitarian nations would love a similar exhibition. But maybe not, if on the other shoe. The other stinky shoe of Kim Jong-Un.

I wouldn’t like to be on the other shoe. Pew.

Perhaps an all-star cast, starring Kim, maybe even Dick Cheney. And too bad Hitler’s dead. We can’t do Adolf. And I doubt we would get even get the live ones, like Cheney.

So TV news stars to be, here is a thought. Unless your manager, makes you go to a perp walk, I suggest you do something else. Maybe there will be a birthday celebration for someone who is turning 105 years in age. Or maybe the local firefighters are rescuing a cat from a well, perhaps even there is a real story out there. Even a blind pig finds an acorn every now and then.

 

 

My un-April Fool’s Day joke: I give you Kim Jong Un

Here it is 1 April and I haven’t got a fool anywhere. Well, that’s a fool itself because plenty of fools exist around me and sometimes I think I am the biggest fool of all.

Practical jokes, as opposed to impractical jokes, have never really been my forte. Oh I can write funny lines, at times. I can tell funny jokes, although I confess to having a terrible memory for anything but absolutely nasty jokes that you wouldn’t want to tell just anyone.

But the type of joke that raises to the occasion of the great “April Fools!” Uh-uh.

“Hey,” my mother said. “Wake up. You don’t have to go to school today.”

“Huh?”

“April Fool!’ Momma said.

My parents were great April Fool pranksters. Their jokes were not the grand but the ones just close enough to reality to turn into a classic fool-tommery. Something, like tom-foolery. Already.

What kind of April Fool joke would this news be: The revelation that North Korea has Austin, Texas, in its nuclear sites? I mean, Austin can be a rather pretentious city at times, you know, hipper-than-thou? The traffic probably could use an explosion to blow it up and start all over again. Kids, don’t try this at home. Or in Austin.

I don’t need that ol’ “Keep Austin Weird” jive. Believe me, I’ve been to much weirder places than Austin.

Austin is a lovely town with its roller-coaster streets. The old “Pink Dome” of the State Capitol stands out for the world to see driving south on I-35, even with Darrel K. Royal and God-knows-who-else Memorial Stadium almost blocking the seat of state government out. Then there is Barton Springs Pool with its “just-right” temperatures year-round and nekkid bodies here and there.

I mean, that isn’t even a good April Fool joke, what the idiots running the communist North Korea government have suggested. It’s sick.

See what I am talking about. I never could do an April Fool’s prank for all the non-existent food in North Korea.