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Siri, I think I love you! No, but here is a Web page on love

Writer’s steal. That is the sad truth, but it is the truth. If that was not the case you wouldn’t hear all those bad leads — ledes to the newspaper geeks.

The Houston Chronicle had a story yesterday that waxed eloquently on how Apple’s Virtual librarian can get a bit snarky. Ask a stupid, get a stupid answer.

Yesterday, I asked her, it, — damn it, it’s not a “she” it’s a person, it’s  a recording, it’s two, smack, two, smack — something or the other. I know that talking, rather, carrying on conversations with your virtual assistant sort of shows how bad my personal life has become. What the hay. Getting on with my story, as I am in years, I told Siri “Never mind.” She retorted: “Yes it does.”

Apple’s Siri is quite the phenomenon. Stories abound here and there about ridiculous or funny things to say to Siri. So here are a few I have decided to ask Siri while I am waiting for dinner.

1. On Cosby: “It’s nice of you to ask but it really doesn’t matter what I think.”

2. On singing like the Bangles: “You wouldn’t like it.”

3. Does she eat meat? “I wouldn’t speak that way to you.”

4. Does she like short questions: “I really have no opinion.”

5. How far it is from where we are sitting to Pluto. “Here is information on Pluto.”

“Siri not available.” A sign on my computer screen informs me.

WTF? Did she have to take a break. Were my questions of those of others giving her a breakdown. Does Siri pee? Does she have sex? Ewww. Even for someone almost 60 that kind of question weirds me out.

One wonders what it would take to truly give Siri a mental break? Well, I’m not going to try. Siri is like a woman who is from a foreign country working in the U.S. as a reference librarian. She has some hits and misses. She stumbles on language on occasion. But she’s mine. All mine!

And the millions of others. That Siri is quite a dame!

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Twice with “The Interview” and still no funnier

And in the end, after all the hubbub and a threats and serious talk of cyber-terrorism —  not to mention dipshit’s such as CNN’s Jake Tapper who postulated the United States lost the first cyber war — there was a movie. That movie had little going for it albeit some R-rated humor that made for some big laughs with an ending that might (no promises) have sufficed had I not already known the ending. Oh well, the movie was billed as comedy. The world went topsy-turvey for awhile aided by an electronic news media that seemed to evoke for some the second coming of the Cuban Missile Crisis.

Along that backdrop did I watch “The Interview” twice. I watched on my laptop after its simultaneous release online and in “fearless” movie theaters across the US of A.

I couldn’t really complain about the price. The movie had several online outlets. The one I used, seetheinterview.com, streamed the movie at the low, low, price of $5.99  and could be watched for 48 hours. Thus, I came back and watched it again a short time ago. Not much really changed during the second viewing.

Only if someone occasionally finds low brow humor really funny can enough parts of the film remain salvageable. (Rob Lowe ‘removes’ his hair, exposing several strands extending from front to back. This leads a control room lady to exclaim: “It looks like someone’s taint!” The James Franco character finds a double entendre which only he sees the hilarity until discovered by the North Korean leader. “They hate us ’cause they ain’t us” This comes out of course as “They hate us ’cause they anus.”)

One also wonders whether the movie’s production folks were channeling Ed Wood, what with several noticeable inconsistencies — Franco and Seth Rogan whispering because of possible bugs in the Kim palace guest rooms then inexplicably talking out loud. As LA Times critic Betsy Sharkey writes: “This is, to put it bluntly, not a good film.”

As discussing with my friend across the Pacific, Paul, yesterday, it almost seemed as if watching this film somehow became an act of patriotism. Other friends sees the run up to the movie with the warnings of 9/11 style attacks as well as the puzzling water cooler gossip — the Sony email which calls Angelina Jolie “a minimally talented spoiled brat” — some kind of bizarre way to pack theaters.

The supposed hacking of Sony is one of those events which comes along leaving more head scratching than answers. To paraphrase an earlier phrase about Angelina Jolie, “The Interview” was a minimally funny comedy.

But it certainly got talked about.

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It’s the same ol’ same ol’

Computer problems have raised their ugly head. I will monitor the laptop for a couple of days and see what happens. I have been intending on doing a factory restore. I just hadn’t backed up my files. I just finished that task. Now when I have a little time, then maybe I can wipe the slate clean. If that doesn’t work. Ugh! Buy yet another machine.

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VA-Shinseki thoughts drafted. For now I think about knees and trees.

My thoughts on the resignation of Gen. Eric Shinseki as Department of Veterans Affairs secretary is in draft form and in the cooler. I’ve been sitting here writing for awhile and my knee has begun to bother me as it has more and more during the last couple of days. Hopefully, I will get back to my draft and publish it tomorrow.

I haven’t written a whole lot lately because I’ve gone to physical therapy several times a week around the time I usually write after work. My knee has become more painful in the last week. I was hoping surgery and some therapy would help. Something doesn’t seem right about it so my therapist said he would try to talk to my surgeon. He said it could be that I need a brace that puts less pressure on the part that is giving me trouble.

My normal routine in physical therapy has been to wire me up with a TENS-like electrical stimulus and place a heating pad on top of it. And when I say a heating pad, I mean that mother is HOT. I also have undergone some ultrasound and dry laser therapy as well as numerous leg lifts of several types and a leg lift while lying on my stomach. Usually, I have them ice down my knee for about 10 minutes before leaving. The results I have experienced have been mixed.

Now I am at a point where I wonder how long I will have to wear a brace? Is the problem I had not fixed? Will I need a knee replacement? I have already “wasted” what I consider to be four months since I first injured my knee to surgery and up to now in two weeks of physical therapy. It seems so long ago that I was hiking through the Big Thicket or the Angelina National Forest. I can’t even imagine what is in store in the future. In part, I don’t want to think about it.

If you haven’t read this blog before, then you know it is mostly for me to indulge myself in one of the main past-times I enjoy and which also has been, in the past, a living. At least I can still write. Now if only I can walk out among the pine trees again and listen to the wind whistle its song through the tree tops. That would be about all I could really ask for. That and to not end sentences with prepositions.

 

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What one has to do to breathe these days

Probably an hour of my time was taken this afternoon learning how to use a humidifier on my CPAP machine. For those of you raised by wolves, a CPAP is a continuous positive airway pressure machine used for sleep apnea, which I have. If you want to know about sleep apnea, then I suggest you look for its meaning. Especially so if you snore so loud you wake yourself or others up in the night.

I received a new full face mask for my machine yesterday from the VA since mine has leaked air for awhile. Since the objective is continuous positive airway pressure then it would make sense you don’t want that air to leak. If you have sleep apnea like me, and you have insomnia like me, then a leaky mask is a worthless accessory to your nocturnal breathing. If you don’t know what nocturnal is, get a freaking dictionary. The new mask came with a couple of little manuals. A Velcro snap on a strap that runs across the crown of your head is meant for positioning the air hose over the back of your head, down your forehead and to the mask. I didn’t want that so it took me about another hour, manual included, to figure out how the mask fit on my head.

Last night I had the mask now set to easily pull it over my head and on to my face. I had to do a little adjusting because I wear a bandana around my head that I use for a sleep mask. It has become a habit,the nighttime bandana.

In a very short period of time it seemed as if I was getting more air than usual, plus my mouth and throat were drier than the Texas sand, to paraphrase the great songster Gary P. Nunn. Finally, I had to take the mask off. I just couldn’t keep getting up every hour and getting a drink of water. So, I decided upon finally using the humidifier.

Because  water is poured into the humidifier and failure to properly clean it can get one mold in their machine I had tried to avoid the accessory. The humidifier is about the size of the CPAP machine so the breathing apparatus expands in size by approximately two. It takes up more space, in other words, which I don’t have. I also fly somewhere once or twice a year so I don’t enjoy having one more object for the TSA to examine through security check.

Finally, the machine is hooked up and it seems to be working with the humidifier, so far. The test comes tonight. We shall see if the blogmeister has mastered the operation of a fairly simple CPAP machine in this day and age. How the new generations will learn all the stuff they need to operate in their lifetime, I don’t know. I suspect they’ll have an easier time than this old dog learning new technology. Let them worry about it. Hell, they are more technologically-adroit by the time they reach middle school these days, the kids probably know 10 times as much as I know. So let them have at.