Gov. Leslie?

Leslie and no visible thong Posted by Hello

Many of the bloggers in my fair state of Tejas seem to be promoting their early favorites for the governor’s race. All of the possible candidates I have heard mentioned have their positive points. Gov. Rick: Man, best hairdo this side of Jimmy Johnson. Kay Bailey Hutchison: She once used my restroom. Kinky Friedman: A genuine Texas Jewboy character. Chris Bell: Skewered Tom DeLay with an ethics complaint.

It is too early to pick my favorite. Since my presidential candidate, Willie Nelson, didn’t get elected, I will leave him to his singing, selling BioWillie and whatever the hell else he might be doing. But may I suggest a dark horse candidate — Leslie Cochran.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with Leslie, a description from Wikipedia :

Leslie Cochran is the most famous street person from Austin, Texas. He is an outspoken critic of police treatment of the homeless in the downtown Austin area. Many consider him to be the epitome of the “Keep Austin Weird Campaign.”

Leslie hangs out around Sixth Street in Austin, usually around Sixth and Congress during business hours. He is most frequently seen wearing women’s clothing. His most popular attire is his leopard thong and high heels. In 2000 Leslie ran for mayor against incumbent Kirk Watson and finished second. His popularity waned in the 2003 election because of his platform to house the homeless in tepees.

I couldn’t in good conscience publish a picture of Leslie in his thong, not so much that I worry about anyone’s sensibilities, but rather that my breakfast has not quite settled. I think Leslie would be a logical choice for governor. He knows the area around the Capitol and the Governor’s Mansion as good as anyone. And just because he may dress a little odd and be delusional at times, that doesn’t disqualify him as governor of Texas. Hell, does anyone remember Bill Clements? I won’t endorse Leslie just yet. However, I think he should be put out there as a potential candidate.

The horse whisperer

Susan, get outta my head! Posted by Hello

Okay, this is really strange. I don’t know whether it’s the stress of being unemployed (get a job, shaaa, na-naa-na, shaaa, na-naa-na-na, Baa-doo)or if it was something I ate last night. But I had this dream in which I was on the cops beat in a newsroom and I had to write about some event that was mostly insignificant in my mind. To get the information for this short, brief, whatever, I had to interview CNN reporter Susan Candiotti. Susan, whom I met in real life while covering the Abu Ghraib abuse trial at Fort Hood of Pvt. Charles Graner a couple of months ago, was giving interviews in my dream like crazy to every newspaper or TV reporter in sight. I never could catch her though, until she was headed with her photographer for the truck. I called out for her and she gave me an inteview. Unfortunately, she also turned into a very soft-spoken horse that I was having trouble understanding. I am not making this up. Well, it was a dream, so it wasn’t real. But it seemed real. And Auntie Em, you were there too!

Rest for the weary

Barney and George play Cowboy and Indian Posted by Hello

President Bush will use his primetime news conference this evening to announce he needs a rest. White House press secretary Scott McClellan told reporters at the afternoon “gaggle” that the president thought he has done enough in the past four years and three months in office. Bush will apparently spend the rest of his tenure riding his mountain bike in Crawford while listening to new songs his friends download on his MP3 player. It is expected that the president will announce his playlist now includes Bowling For Soup, whose song “Ohio” mentions his twin daughters, as well as the complete works of Devo.

Meanwhile, Vice President Dick Cheney is reportedly ready to surface from his underground palace somewhere in the Black Hills of South Dakota. He will assume his rightful title as President Vice President, upon Bush’s departure for Texas. While in hiding, Cheney was given a new, healthier heart. However, that heart belonged to a compassionate gay man named Claude. After six months of continually rearranging the furniture in the secure dungeon and asking his staff if there was anything he could do to help them, it was decided by Cheney’s staff that he needed a more conservative heart. His new heart belonged to a former oil and gas corporation executive. Cheney reportedly has a local McDonald’s delivering all of his food and he has taken up smoking again. The Veep is said to be “back to normal,” according to a vice presidential spokesman.

Bush also is expected to name presidential dog, Barney, to the new cabinet level post of Secretary of Woof-Woof.

Alive and pecking

I’m not dead yet. Posted by Hello

Cornell University scientists have discovered that the Ivory-billed woodpecker — not seen for certain in 60 years — is hiding out in the Big Woods of northeastern Arkansas. Apparently it had been hanging on this man’s hat disguising itself as a feather all this time.

The woodpecker, with a wingspan of almost 3 feet, has long been believed extinct. The last verified sightings in the United States took place in northern Louisiana. Since that time unconfirmed sightings of the bird were made in the Big Thicket of Southeast Texas, Louisiana and in Cuba.

I grew up in the area near the Big Thicket and dreamed of encountering the majestic bird in my childhood fantasies. That and pretending I was Jesus feeding the masses. Okay, I was a pretty weird kid. But every now and then I would read about supposed sightings of the Ivory-billed and wonder if it was real or merely a vision inspired by some sort of mushroom. The Cornell bird-brains have apparently found the real McDougle. Read the stories, see the video, have a beer, rejoice. Modern society apparently failed to kill off this species. It’s Ivory 1-Man 0.

What a day!

Have a happy one Ann-Margaret Posted by Hello

This day gave us Ann-Margaret in 1941. For that I am thankful. I might even take off early to celebrate. I have to say she left me breathless as an adolescent. And she still is one good-looking lady.

Also, while we’re on the subject of birthdays today, let me give a shout out to President James Monroe who is 247. Happy birthday, Mr. President. I hope you’re enjoying your mai tais on the beach.

Saddam Hussein is also a birthday boy today (68), but I doubt he is getting a cake with candles. If he does, I seriously doubt he is going to get his wish.