Something to think about when you are on hold

Hello?

Remem­ber the old days when you had a tele­phone installed and the man from Ma Bell did all the magic stuff he did and ta-ta!? You got your­self a real tele­phone. A big momma with a rotary dial and built sturdy enough to beat an intruder half to death.

Well, a lot of much younger folks might not. I do remem­ber rotary dial phones. The first phone that I can remem­ber in the sec­ond house in which I grew up was a rotary dial. A note: The first house I lived in — from birth until I was around 10 — didn’t have a phone that I can remem­ber. I seem to remem­ber hear­ing my par­ents had a phone at some point in time in “the old house” but I don’t remem­ber it. Nevertheless.

My first phone, after I got out of the Navy and worked as a fire­fighter, was a touch tone. That had the same key­pad lay­out you see to day. Those type of phones also were a tran­si­tion to life with­out a cen­tral switch­ing office with actual humans who would dial the num­ber for you. Can you imag­ine that?

Of course, I am not old enough to remem­ber depend­ing entirely on an oper­a­tor for a call. But you would have to call an oper­a­tor to make a long dis­tance or col­lect call, as well as for local infor­ma­tion. The mother of a friend from high school worked as an oper­a­tor in the lit­tle tele­phone build­ing in my home­town. I could always tell her voice when I dialed “O.”

This was before the days of recorded voices telling you which num­bers to punch, dri­ving a sane per­son half mad and and a mad per­son insane. That was what hap­pened today. It’s kind of involved, but these days when you deal with a cell com­pany, it’s always that way. I don’t have a land line these days, BTW. (Oh come on, you know that means “By the Way.” Get with it!)

I recently switched my phone ser­vice from T-Mobile to Ver­i­zon because Ver­i­zon pro­vides my wire­less Inter­net.—> I went to the Ver­i­zon store and got a new phone, but not the one I wanted. —> The phone I bought had a faulty cam­era. (Wow, when I was a kid I could have never imag­ined a cam­era on my phone. I couldn’t have imag­ined a phone one takes every­where.) —> I got into an argu­ment with the store guy because I didn’t feel like I should have paid a $35 restock­ing fee to make a basic dollar-for-dollar trade. —> I raised a lit­tle hell with Ver­i­zon, then I raised a lot more hell. —> The com­pany waived the restock­ing fee and sent me a “new” phone. It wasn’t new, how­ever. It was used and a Black­berry. I didn’t want a Black­berry. The phone I wanted already had mobile Inter­net access. Wow. What’s an Inter­nets? —> Today I finally got my phone. I pro­grammed it but had to call Ver­i­zon six times to get every­thing I needed done.

And there you are. I live in a time I never imag­ined as a kid except,  per­haps, when play­ing like I was Dick Tracy from the “Fun­nies” and the weird-looking detec­tive who wore an inter­ac­tive TV on his wrist watch.

So today, we have tiny lit­tle tele­phones that can com­mu­ni­cate over a wide world and find out damn near any­thing — although you have to be care­ful as to the verac­ity — and write lit­tle mes­sages damn near any­time. You can take pic­tures and just send them right over the phone. I can even make a video. On my phone!

But to do all of this, we have to go through our own lit­tle brand of Hell. Instruc­tion books one receives when you get a new phone, or com­puter or TV are basi­cally lit­tle pam­phlets that don’t instruct. When one calls “cus­tomer ser­vice,” the path is lit­tered with voice “prompts” at every turn, fol­lowed often by wait­ing to speak with some­one which can some­time last hours. Finally, you might talk with some­one who works who knows where and who knows what they are talk­ing about, or not.

This all leads me to ask: What price for mag­i­cal meth­ods of com­mu­ni­cat­ing on devices which are built as much as for con­ve­nience as they are for the actual act of com­mu­ni­cat­ing with someone?

Some­times, I think the answer to such a ques­tion is “a lot.”

You could get Miz Jeanette, the oper­a­tor, by sim­ply dial­ing “O.” You could speak with a per­son you know. If you were a few cents short to make a call at the pay phone out­side the phone com­pany, it wasn’t a big deal. You didn’t have to yell and raise nine kinds of hell to get results in your favor. That was unthink­able. You could get results, most of the time, by being polite.

It’s too trite to para­phrase Bob Dylan that the “times, they are a’ chang­ing.” But I did. Damn. I got to go and check my e-mail.

Your what?

An interesting look at the Jihadist next door

Per­haps it is too dif­fi­cult to look inside the life of our enemies.

I speak of the jihadist — our main enemy these days — who killed thou­sands on 9/11 and con­tinue to kill with their strapped-on explo­sives or even with weapons of mass destruc­tion if they are avail­able. Many Amer­i­cans prob­a­bly see these fight­ers as young men with brown skin and haunt­ing eyes. Some are from the poor neigh­bor­hoods where their lives have been one of want and lack of jus­tice. Oth­ers come from priv­i­lege, cour­tesy of the petro dol­lars from the mas­sive oil and gas wealth of some Mid­dle East­ern states.

But oth­ers who fight civil soci­ety also seem nor­mal and are the boy next door turned “The Jihadist Next Door,” which is also the title of a fas­ci­nat­ing New York Times Mag­a­zine arti­cle I read yes­ter­day. The arti­cle — by Pulitzer Prize win­ning writer Andrea Elliott — explores the life of  Alabama boy Omar Hammami.

Omar is the son of a Syr­ian immi­grant, and Mus­lim, who mar­ried a South­ern Bap­tist from Alabama. His intel­lect and wit drove Omar to become one of the most pop­u­lar kids in his high school. He was steeped in both of his family’s cul­tures includ­ing spend­ing sum­mer days shelling peas on his mater­nal grandmother’s farm.

But even­tu­ally, Omar’s intel­lec­tual and reli­gious curios­ity steered him to those with the more rad­i­cal inter­pre­ta­tions of Islam, in which as a stu­dent and young adult Omar became increas­ingly entrenched.

A fas­ci­na­tion with Soma­lia — com­plete with a Soma­lian wife — landed Omar in that African nation, held together by threads of author­ity. Now, the young Alaba­man who still signs off “Later Tater” to his sis­ter in e-mails has become one of the most pow­er­ful and fiercest jihadists in Somalia.

If you are look­ing for answers as how a seem­ingly nor­mal young Syrian-American boy, the smart but funny kid every­one likes, becomes a jihadist you will either be dis­ap­pointed or find your­self look­ing ever deeper.

Per­haps it is the lack of a solid rea­son why this young man, who says he con­sid­ers Amer­ica a tar­get in the Jihad, is both so fright­en­ing and inter­est­ing. Maybe the clash of cul­tures were too great for Omar to with­stand, even though on the sur­face he seems more assim­i­lated than many Anglo Amer­i­cans. He doesn’t appear to be a prod­uct of bad, or even lack­adaisi­cal par­ent­ing. So why is Omar a jihadist? It is a ques­tion that too often has fol­lowed the end to tragic cults, which is the clos­est I came to a par­al­lel. If you are pre­pared to read an excel­lent arti­cle with an open mind, you might not be dis­ap­pointed not know­ing the answer to that question.

Dutch Christmas got the beat(ing): A Holiday classic

 Tonight mil­lions of lit­tle boys and girls will be nes­tled all snug in their beds as visions of sugar plums dance in their heads. Or else, they will be in bed play­ing some hideously vio­lent video games, per­haps in between, think­ing of the gore which the game they will find tomor­row morn­ing under the Christ­mas tree contains.

 Per­haps par­ents in “more tra­di­tional” homes will read their kids “The Night Before Christ­mas,” a rather quaint yet endur­ing poem about a visit from St. Nick orig­i­nally pub­lished in the early 19th cen­tury. Cer­tainly the chil­dren hav­ing “sugar plums” danc­ing through their head is a quite obso­lete ref­er­ence these days, unless the kids hap­pen to be ripped on some kind of illicit drug.

 Great lit­er­ary works usu­ally are rewarded with a par­ody some­time along the line. As for our “Night Before Christ­mas” one might see vari­a­tions such as this, for Penn­syl­va­nia deer hunters, “The PA Deer Hunter’s Night Before Christmas.”

  “… I looked out the win­dow across the moon­lite snow with glee,
  HOLY COW, there was 8 big buck stand­ing under­neath the tree.
  I grabbed the 30–06 and started the sneak,
  because I knew the game war­dens were all asleep … ”

 And in the south­east cor­ner of Texas, adja­cent to south­ern Louisiana, where I live and itself home to a large Cajun pop­u­la­tion is the “The Cajun Night Before Christ­mas” com­plete with a fractured-English-Cajun dialect:

    ” … Then up through the bayou
           Dey got such a clat­ter
           Make soun’ like old Boudreau
           Done fall off his ladder … ”

Christ­mas sto­ries are just as large a part of the hol­i­day itself. Take for instance, the story of the Baby Jesus, de t’ing what got it started all. And over the years I have kept a keen eye out for a good Christ­mas story only to come up empty. That is, until read­ing a story by a witty writer named David Sedaris. Sedaris was raised in North Car­olina, is gay and now resides in France. Not that there’s any­thing wrong with that. He has writ­ten a num­ber of books which are com­pi­la­tions of mostly autobiographical-to-auto-fiction-graphical essays, many of which tales either involve his trav­els or life with a rather unusual fam­ily that includes his sis­ter, come­dian Amy Sedaris.

 I first read the Christ­mas story to which I refer in the Dec. 1, 2002, edi­tion of Esquire. The piece is called “Six to Eight Black Men.” It is a tale of Sedaris try­ing to under­stand the sub­tleties of the Dutch ver­sion of Santa Claus, who was tra­di­tion­ally accom­pa­nied by “six to eight black men.” These black men were orig­i­nally slaves but mod­ern sen­si­bil­i­ties trans­formed them in more recent times to “just good friends,” albeit with noth­ing in between. It was teased in Esquire thusly:

    ‘A heart­warm­ing tale of Christ­mas in a for­eign land where, if you’ve been naughty, SAINT NICK and his friends give you an ass-whuppin.’

 So set­tle back for a glimpse into another country’s ver­sion of Santa, have a few chuck­les and be glad you’re an Amer­i­can where you might just find your­self in the deep woods star­ing at a blind deer hunter.

 Click here to read: “Six or Eight Black Men,” by David Sedaris

  Have a Merry Christ­mas.

Den Mama in de fire­place, Done roas’ up de ham  Stir up de gumbo, An’ make bake de yam. 

  Den out on de by-you, Dey got such a clatta, Make soun’ like ole Boudreau, Done fall off his ladder. 

Happy Festivus to the rest of us!

Today is the day we — EFD — cel­e­brate Festivus.

Here is a very short syn­op­sis about Fes­tivus and more can be read in this pretty good Wikipedia arti­cle:

Fes­tivus is a made-up hol­i­day intro­duced to the world on Dec. 18, 1997 on the incred­i­ble late 20th cen­tury sit­com “Sein­feld.” The hol­i­day is just one more gift to soci­ety given by the genius come­dian Jerry Sein­feld and his writ­ers. A line of such cul­tural gifts from Sein­feld and cast exists, like “close talker,” “regift­ing” and “Not that there’s any­thing wrong with that.” The date on which it is cel­e­brated was por­trayed on the show as Dec. 23. The premises of Fes­tivus, as explained by char­ac­ter Frank Costanza — father of one of the main char­ac­ters George Costanza — was a reac­tion to the hyper-commercialization of Christmas.

The major sym­bol for the hol­i­day is an alu­minum pole. Tra­di­tional prac­tices include “Feats of Strengths” and the “Air­ing of Griev­ances,” in which each per­son tells the oth­ers present how they dis­ap­pointed him or her that year.

Prob­a­bly no one knows, but Fes­tivus is actu­ally cel­e­brated by peo­ple in real­ity. There are three Fes­tivus Face­book groups with more than 15,000 fans. Just what those num­bers mean, I couldn’t begin to tell you.

Since this is a hol­i­day that really lacks any rigid­ity it is a per­fect one for me to cel­e­brate. I don’t even have an alu­minum pole this Fes­tivus, but I might go out and find one. Although you can buy a Fes­tivus pole online, I think it kind of defeats the pur­pose of thumb­ing one’s nose to com­mer­cial­ism. No offense Festivuspole.com.

Festivus-Pole-from-Seinfeld

Peo­ple throw stuff away left and right, includ­ing alu­minum poles. That is espe­cially true in places where hur­ri­canes seem to strike every third week and folks are con­tin­u­ally rebuild­ing their homes when they aren’t fight­ing the insur­ance com­pa­nies in court.

And for those of you who read my blog, or even worse, know me per­son­ally, you know that I have no short­ages of griev­ances to air. No one says the griev­ances one airs must nec­es­sar­ily be pointed toward friends or fam­ily. So here are just a few of my griev­ances for this year:

Peo­ple who park their huge-a** trucks or SUVs across more than one park­ing space. Do these peo­ple think that because they have a large auto­mo­bile it enti­tles them to park how­ever they desire? Or are they just stu­pid? Espe­cially dur­ing the hol­i­day sea­son when park­ing spaces at malls or other shop­ping areas are cru­cial, one should grasp the idea that park­ing spaces are there for a rea­son. A space isn’t there to make you con­form to society’s rules. It is there to ensure every­one who can grab a space has a place to park. That is so these poten­tial cus­tomers can buy things and the shop­keep­ers or large cor­po­ra­tions can get filthy rich! Oh no, this rant has just gone South Pole with my mus­ings return­ing to com­mer­cial­ism. I have just run myself into a lit­er­ary cir­cle of no return.

Well, that’s it. I have other griev­ances but instead of air­ing a few I just hit a dead end thanks to com­merce. Screw it. It’s time to enjoy the hol­i­day before the hol­i­day (before the hol­i­day if you cel­e­brate Box­ing Day on Dec. 26.)

Oh I for­got the Feats of Strength. I think I will pass on that this year.

Have a great Fes­tivus and you know what you can do with the pole.

See, I’ve got this song in my head

A pretty good pro­por­tion of the pop­u­la­tion — mean­ing a lot maybe but I don’t know how many exactly — gets songs stuck in their heads once in awhile.

It can hap­pen when you hear some­one whistling some tune while they toil away at some task or another. You go to your kids’ school plays and the lit­tle ones sing some­thing just dar­ling and later that night while you try to sleep that song is still there. And then, there is back­ground music as in music to shop by.

Now the grand­pappy of back­ground music, known as Muzak, has been around for years. As early as the 1950s — a time when the least lit­tle thing could get peo­ple wound up, a spe­cial con­gres­sional com­mit­tee would be formed — there were charges Muzak was caus­ing brainwashing.

I would imag­ine the sub­ject of manip­u­la­tion through back­ground music would be research gold for a music-loving social psy­chol­o­gist. From what lit­tle sci­en­tific read­ing I have done I don’t know this to be one way or the other a fact. This piece sug­gests that play­ing clas­si­cal music in a wine store made shop­pers buy more expen­sive wine. Whether that would mean that play­ing Sousa marches in a gun store would cause cus­tomers to arm them­selves to the teeth is some­thing to think about, but I don’t know that to have been specif­i­cally stud­ied and affirmed.

Nonethe­less, it seems at the very least back­ground music in gro­cery or depart­ment stores do seem to make songstuckus – my made-up word for a song being stuck in one’s head — more severe.

Since a great deal of my work is done in dif­fer­ent stores, I lis­ten to a lot of back­ground music. I never really thought much about store music until I started vis­it­ing many dif­fer­ent stores. Even when I go to stores now just to shop I am some­what taken aback by the vari­ety of back­ground music in stores.

Go to the store just up the street, with a decid­edly more work­ing class black pop­u­la­tion, and you may hear Soul from the 60s and 70s. Before you know it, you’re walk­ing out of the store with gro­ceries in your arms and Eddie Kendricks and the Temp­ta­tions in your head singing “The Way You Do the Things You Do.”

Some­times the songs you hear will stick with you even though you may not have ever heard them or hadn’t lis­tened to a par­tic­u­lar song in years. Like at a drug store in Port Arthur awhile back while wait­ing to speak with a phar­ma­cist. “Hmm, hmm, hmm.” Wow, what is this? And you remem­ber from way back to “Toulouse Street” on which the Doo­bie Broth­ers qui­etly sing “I might just pass this way again.”

Today it was early Bea­t­les I hear over and over. “If there’s any­thing that you want/If there’s any­thing I can do/Just call on me, and I’ll send it along/With love from me to you.” Such sim­ple, melodic, pop music. You won­der what all the hub­bub was about when the Bea­t­les first appeared on the scene wear­ing iden­ti­cal suits and mop­tops? Nonethe­less, the song got stuck in my head at a store this morn­ing and now I can’t get it out!

I don’t really know why music from the store has such an impact. It is played at level in most cases where it is almost sub­lim­i­nal, which makes some sense. But if it’s meant to affect you, to buy more toi­let paper and six-packs of Busch, then why does the lyrics and music get stuck in your head and not the prod­ucts themselves?

It’s jus another one of life’s great mys­ter­ies, unsolved, with love from me to you.

Facebook poll a feloniously stupid action

 One has to won­der about the intel­lec­tual acu­ity of soci­etal mem­bers who engage in totally over-the-edge Inter­net dis­course for all the world to see.

 I speak of the recent flap over a poll placed by a third party on Face­book that asked if the Pres­i­dent of the United States should be killed. That such a hor­ren­dous post would be put up by some dips**t for mil­lions of read­ers is stu­pid beyond imag­i­na­tion on more than one level. Some 700 responses were received before the offend­ing poll was removed by Face­book. Left out in all the sto­ries I have read were the num­bers vot­ing in the affir­ma­tive. We thus have lit­tle knowl­edge whether the omis­sion was a ges­ture of good taste or some­thing to do with the ongo­ing inves­ti­ga­tion of the inci­dent by the Secret Ser­vice. It would be kind of instruc­tive to know.

 Given that a per­son or per­sons are stu­pid enough to post some­thing so obscene makes me think there are peo­ple who are as equally moronic that they would answer online in favor of the question. 

 Now I don’t know if all Face­book polls are cre­ated equally but I see quite a few voted on by my Face­book friends that are exhib­ited in plain view on their sites. But even if the poll allowed for some smidgen of anonymity, do you think that maybe author­i­ties like the Secret Ser­vice might just find a way to crack that secrecy via war­rants and var­i­ous legal niceties?

 It doesn’t mat­ter if you were jok­ing — and if you were jok­ing I can’t imag­ine any­one with the sense of humor to laugh at such bar­bar­ity — if you were stu­pid enough to vote on that poll and answered some­thing other than “no” it seems like you should be due a visit by some scary look­ing dudes wear­ing suits and dark glasses. And that is the way it should be.

 Some actions do not rise to the level of felo­nious stu­pid­ity. I say post­ing this poll on Face­book, and vot­ing at all, but at the very least vot­ing “yes” or “yes if he cuts my health care” is griev­ously stupid.

Where do they get these nicknames?

 Show me a ser­ial bank rob­ber these days and I will likely find you some strange nick­name made up for that per­son or persons.

 I don’t know whether these names come from the FBI agent who serves as media liai­son in the larger divi­sion offices or whether the bureau has a com­puter that gen­er­ates monikers in the way ran­dom gen­er­a­tors do on some Web sites. Need­less to say, some of these which I found today while look­ing through the FBI’s Hous­ton Divi­sion press releases were amusing.

sweatin' The prize goes to the “Sweatin’ to the Oldies Bandit.”

 Actu­ally, the alleged bank rob­ber reminds me more of an over­weight and unmasked Klaatu

"Klaatu barada nikto"

Klaatu barada nikto”

 from “The Day the Earth Stood Still” than some Richard Sim­mons devo­tee. Hi-ho Sil­ver (above) robbed two Hous­ton banks in late August within less than an hour’s time. No idle hands here.

 FBI agents are as well on the look for another busy bank rob­ber, this one dubbed “The Grandma Ban­dit.” Now I would be will­ing to bet this “grandma” would have appre­ci­ated a more flat­ter­ing nickname.

"You could use some castor oil and I could use all your money"

You could use some cas­tor oil and I could use all your money”

On Fri­day Granny allegedly robbed two banks — both Com­pass Banks — in a time span of about an hour. What’s with these fast rob­beries? I guess that like a rolling stone, these ban­dits don’t care to gather any moss, or coppers.

 

 Finally, I think the FBI were scrap­ing the bot­tom of the bar­rel com­ing up with this name, The Déjà Vu Ban­dit.

"This is all too familiar"
This is all too familiar”

 He was so named because he robbed the same bank, on the same street, while wear­ing the same shirt, although the rob­beries were on dif­fer­ent days. Well, what can you say? All good ban­dits have to have their lucky “bank rob­bing shirt.” And as far as rob­bing the same company’s banks on the same street, this alleged crook is just abid­ing by the well-worn prin­ci­ple of “stick­ing with what they know.”

 Weird.

Is it is or is it isn’t?

 Few for­mer Amer­i­can lead­ers can so quickly piss off his or her oppo­nents the way for­mer Pres­i­dent Jimmy Carter can.

 One doesn’t have to read all the top right-wing blogs or lis­ten to the major reac­tionary talk radio shows to know that anger is drip­ping like blood from the Carter-haters today after he stated what many less promi­nent peo­ple have been say­ing for days. That is, of course, that the behav­ior behind the “You Lie” out­cry of Repub­li­can U.S. Rep. Joe Wil­son of South Car­olina is steeped in racism.

 Now it is no sur­prise that every­one and their dog who sup­ports Wil­son says there is no truth to such a charge. Even Pres­i­dent Obama’s press sec­re­tary Robert Gibbs says his boss doesn’t agree with Carter’s assess­ment. We are left to take the Big Man’s word as to whether such a state­ment from the first African-American pres­i­dent (Obama’s daddy and not Obama him­self if you will remem­ber was born in Africa) is sincere, playing pol­i­tics or are all of the above. Therein is the prob­lem “Big­ger than Dal­las” as peo­ple say down here in Texas unless they live in Hous­ton or Fort Worth.

 Racism is not some­thing one can see like, say, a three-headed chicken. It is not an olfac­tory sense like whiff­ing the aroma of a dead mack­erel on the beach. Nor is racism to be heard (well, at least the feel­ing or behav­ior itself can’t be heard), tasted (except in some rare instances of poisoning) or touched (fill in your own exception.)

 You may call Joe Wil­son a racist all you want. One might say that much of the dys­pep­tic right-wing polit­i­cal actions as of late cer­tainly appear as being spurred by racism, such as keep­ing the chil­dren from watch­ing their pres­i­dent give a speech on stay­ing in school. But the fact is, if Joe Wil­son says he isn’t a racist, there is lit­tle short of some legal action such as a crim­i­nal con­vic­tion for a hate crime that will prove it. Ditto for those who screamed that they wanted to save their lit­tle inno­cent dar­lings from being indoc­tri­nated by Nazi-commie-pinko-homo-freaking-Democrats.

 What makes the charge of racism even more dif­fi­cult to prove is that save for those who dress like punk-rock icon Henry Rollins, as in his guest gig on FX’s “Sons of Anar­chy,” most racists are not going to show out­wards signs of racism nor admit their feelings.

 Some racists will jump up and down, shout, knock the crap out of, per­haps even kill you if you dare label them a racists. Why? Because they do not see them­selves as such. It’s not nice to be called a racist. It’s kind of taboo.

 On the other hand, if you were raised in a cul­ture in which your par­ents or grand­par­ents, neigh­bors and even your soci­ety expressed racial prej­u­dice — such as the “White” and “Col­ored” water foun­tains and rest rooms I used to see grow­ing up — that doesn’t make you a racist.

 If any­one believed that racial prej­u­dice was going to be quickly dis­patched by the elec­tion of a black (and half-white) pres­i­dent then per­haps now it is (way, way past) time to come back to reality.

 That there are those in pol­i­tics who are using the so-called “race card” to their advan­tage — on both sides — like­wise shouldn’t be shock­ing. That is because the race card is a trick card. It is there when some­one says it is there, and it’s not there when some­one says it is not.

Where are all the socialist kids?

 It has been, how long, five hours? Still no reports are forth­com­ing that hordes of lit­tle chil­dren from the mostly white enclaves of Lum­ber­ton, Vidor or Bridge City in my area of South­east Texas are tak­ing to the streets dressed in Mao-style peas­ant garb com­plete with red com­mie stars.

 Like­wise, I’ve not heard from other parts of these United States of thou­sands of red and yel­low, black and white, they are pre­cioius in His sight chil­dren march­ing with clinched fists extended toward the heav­ens shout­ing their praise for Barack.

 What? It couldn’t pos­si­bly be that Pres­i­dent Obama’s speech to the nation’s school chil­dren has not touched off the so-feared social­ist indoc­tri­na­tion the right-wing tried so hard to sug­gest would hap­pen. Oh my. Per­haps it will be some­thing covert.

 Lit­tle boys cut­ting their hair short and wear­ing polo shirts like their sav­ior Barack and lit­tle girls dressed like Sasha and Malia are prob­a­bly in their dens right now plot­ting the coup of the children.

 Teens, instead of play­ing ball, drink­ing some illicit beers and smok­ing cig­a­rettes are meet­ing inside libraries try­ing with all their might to ignite the social­ist will for their hero, the great Barack Hus­sein, o mighty social­ist ruler!

 Silly? Hell yes it’s silly. Like Obama press sec­re­tary Robert Gibbs said the other day: “It’s the silly sea­son.” It was a thought echoed by Edu­ca­tion Sec­re­tary Arne Dun­can. The furor, Dun­can said, is “just silly.”  Silli­ness is the right’s forte and it has been spread like wild­fire via a cable news cabal full of folks who are too f**king lazy to go out and report real news with mean­ing. No, they want drama. Drama is all important.

 Let the hairy-armed, Joe the Plumbers wear­ing wife-beaters, tell the story with their igno­rance. Scream­ing and cry­ing: “We want our coun­try back!” makes for more dra­matic shots than pointy-headed Demo­c­ra­tic smart guys and gals sit­ting around doing the pol­icy wonk thing.

 And then, there is, how shall I put this? There is this 800-pound g*****a in the room about which no one is say­ing a word.

 Many didn’t want their kids to watch Obama’s speech today because they held deep-seated beliefs that the fed­eral gov­ern­ment needs to be out of their schools. No mat­ter that tons of fed­eral bucks help keep their schools up and run­ning. Oth­ers didn’t want their kids to get “brain­washed” by the social­ism being warned about by the right-wing noise machine. And if  either rea­sons one or two didn’t do the trick, we still have that 800-pound g*****a in the room.

 Yes, some peo­ple don’t want their kids being spo­ken to by a black man, or at least a black pres­i­dent. Maybe it would be okay if the kids heard a speech from Michael Jor­dan, or Shaq, or Bill Cosby, or even Collin Pow­ell. You know, they all be the “hired help.” But it just won’t do to let their kids hear from some black man who dares holds him­self up as the pres­i­dent. Why, he wasn’t even born in the USA was he?

 You think I am imag­in­ing some­thing? You think I have “black guilt?” Not one iota. I am sorry many blacks were enslaved many, many, many years before I was born, some of whom were sold into slav­ery by their own peo­ple. I am sorry but not wracked with guilt.

 I talked with an old col­lege friend yes­ter­day who was raised in an afflu­ent and very white part of a large Amer­i­can city. We got to talk­ing about this silli­ness sur­round­ing the Obama speech and with­out hear­ing my views, he said that the silli­ness stems from peo­ple not want­ing their kids to hear a speech from a black pres­i­dent. Bingo!

 Where is all the talk about a new day and hope and per­haps a new dia­logue on race that the cable pun­dits and reporters (except from Fox) gushed about when Obama was elected? Now those same cable wise men and women seem to sali­vate when they can find any fault with BHO, not to men­tion an angry crowd of men in wifebeat­ers whose big-haired wives are ruin­ing their painted faces, Tammy Baker style, by cry­ing for a lost Amer­ica that either was never lost to begin with or at the very least was lost by Mrs. Heavy Hair.

 If you want to know the truth, I haven’t been as scared at what might hap­pen in this coun­try since 1968.

 Dur­ing that year of Tet, riots, assas­si­na­tions, the world going topsy-turvy and not to men­tion being 12-turning-13 years old, there was plenty to freak about. The last eight years of George W., 9/11, the no weapons of mass destruc­tion inva­sion of Iraq and a war in Afghanistan, were unset­tling enough. The right wing was angry. Hell, they’re always pissed about something.

 And it was not unex­pected they would get pissed when the Democ­rats took over, led by a black man.

 But the right wing wing nuts have become even nut­tier. It seems that since they can’t get their way, right away, the old George W. “My Way or the High­way Style,” then they will just throw tantrum after tantrum and show how infan­tile and unsteady they are.

 I don’t know about you, but that scares the ever-loving hell out of me.

A short so long for Ted Kennedy

Since most of my friends and rel­a­tives think that my lib­eral ten­den­cies run just a lit­tle to the left of Uncle Joe Stalin, I thought I would sur­prise them with a very short post not­ing the death of the “Lib­eral Lion” Sen. Edward Kennedy.

Ted Kennedy was the sec­ond Kennedy brother of John F. who never made it to the cov­eted pres­i­dency. That worked out okay for peo­ple on both sides of the polit­i­cal spec­trum. The right didn’t get the lib­eral Kennedy brother as pres­i­dent. The left and cen­ter got a pretty damn good leg­is­la­tor and one hell of an ora­tor of the likes one never sees any­more in Con­gress. Byrd was an old-time ora­tor but he has just become too old to do the job. I’m sorry to say.

Ted Kennedy had his faults like all human beings. He wasn’t a good dri­ver to say the least. But he was a tough old bird who did a lot of good for a lot of people.

If you didn’t like him or can’t find some­thing for which to admire him, I’m sorry. I can find good in even the sor­ri­est indi­vid­u­als on Earth with maybe the excep­tion of Ann Coul­ter, Rush Lim­baugh, Michelle Malkin, Bill O’Reilly, Sean Han­nity … Oh, Lim­baugh does a good impres­sion of a pig run­ning around with a stick in his mouth when he inserts a cigar. My uncle used to say when he would see some­one smok­ing a cigar: “I guess it’s going to rain. I see a pig run­ning around with a stick in his mouth.” You had to be there.

So there is my short eulogy for Sen. Edward M. Kennedy, D-Mass., the late. Rest in peace.