Month: April 2006

Some spectator sports exist that I can’t spectate when they appear on television. Golf is one example. Tennis is another. Actually, not a whole lot of sports which are televised do much for me. I like to watch football or baseball or occasionally hockey. And that is only when a team I am interested in plays.

So it would seem no big surprise that I have less than zero interest in watching “Celebrity Chef Showdown” which is running each night this week on NBC.

Now I happen to like cooking. And I like cooking shows if they are entertaining and helpful. I loved Julia Childs. Jamie Oliver is a definite hoot. Emeril, well, a little Emeril goes a long ways. But I never really got into The Food Channel’s “Iron Chef,” which often seemed at times as if some of the chefs were going to drop what they were doing and start Sumo wrestling, but as far as I know that didn’t happen.

I have been to oodles of cooking competitions — cook-offs. I hosted a chili cook-off for several years when I was in college. Although, that was more about keg dynamics than cooking. What is the attraction of competitive cooking is the tasting and eating. I’m not really interested in technique or showmanship. And since I can’t taste what is being cooked on TV, I just can’t work up any actual zeal for a show that features celebrities such as Patti LaBelle or Naomi Campbell strutting their stuff in the kitchen.

Television executives have found it’s cheaper to put on the type of drivel as a celebrity chef show than to have something that was written and thought out and acted in by real actors. How about celebrity house-cleaning? Celebrity roofing? Celebrity plumbing? I’m sure one of those would be a show someone would want to see. Just don’t mention these ideas too loudly. Some network executives might be listening.

Sir Winston Churchill doesn’t care if he is criticized. After all, he’s dead.

What? You thought I was going to stick with Fred Allen forever? For those of you who do not know what I am talking about — probably the majority of those who read this — I am referring to the new saying at the top of the page by Winston Churchill. I replaced the quote by Fred Allen with another quote by Churchill on the subject of criticism. So please do not criticize me for this. Okay?

Churchill was certainly an interesting specimen. I do not think the current PM of the UK whom I will not name but whose initials are TB would not make a wart on Churchill’s backside. But that’s just my opinion. I never lived in the UK so my opinions about the leaders of that country are, perhaps not worthless, but certainly not worth a lot. So why did I even say anything if my opinion is not worth a lot? I don’t know. We do things sometimes. That’s going to be my mantra from here on out. We do things sometimes. Why did I run that red light officer? I don’t know. We just do things sometimes. It’s kind of simple but it works, don’t you think?

If you don’t think it works, well, I’m sorry but I really don’t care. After all, I have decided that I will not accept criticism today. Now that is a concept that really works. If your boss starts chewing on your arse just tell him: “I don’t know why the job turned out like it did. We do things sometimes, okay? And besides, I’m not accepting criticism today. Try again tomorrow.”

Provided, of course, if you still have a job tomorrow.

U.S. Marine Corps drill instructors critique a cadet’s uniform during the West Coast National Junior ROTC Drill Competition in El Segundo, Calif. (U.S. Navy photo by Journalist 1st Class Brian Brannon)

Someone isn’t happy. I’m just glad I’m not the one being inspected. I guess that’s why I joined the Navy instead of the Marines. Not that I didn’t get yelled at. I just didn’t get yelled at by anyone as intimidating as these guys.

Some trouble with the dilithium crystals no doubt kept me from accessing my friend, Marilyn Rucker’s, Web site. I am happy to report her site is up and running. Check it out to hear snipits of songs such as “If I Could Be Like Xena” and other hits. Marilyn has a new cd coming out:

The c.d. release is officially going to be on June 24, 2006 at St. Andrews Coffeehouse, which is at 14311 Wells Port Drive, Austin, Texas. There will be snacks and coffee and other good things to go with the tunes from the new c.d. “Everybody’s Somebody Else’s Weirdo.”

Would Lincoln have lived if he had worn his big hat to the Ford Theater?

Although I love history, I am not one of those persons who walk around knowing what historical event happened on every day of the year. So it was quite interesting that I began reading my book club’s monthly choice — “Assassination Vacation” by Sarah Vowell — at this particular time. The book takes an irreverent look at the first three presidential assassinations and links them to our wacky culture at large. I guess that is how I would describe it. After all, I’ve just started reading it.

The reason it was interesting to be reading this book now is because tomorrow, April 14, was the day in 1865 on which President Abraham Lincoln was shot in the balcony of the Ford Theater while watching the play “Our American Cousin.” Lincoln died the next morning. If I had ever known April 14 was the date Lincoln was shot I had forgotten it. I associate April 14 with two major events in my life, the latest taking place April 14, 2005.

My daughter was born on April 14, 1979. I got an e-mail from her today saying that she was going to New York for the weekend as a birthday present to herself. I told her I thought that sounds like fun.

April 14 of last year was the date I left my last full-time job and headed down the path to becoming a freelance writer (and blogger). Right at this moment, I am butt-deep in the ever-tedious work of tech writing but I can see light at the end of the tunnel. I can say with no hesitation that I absolutely have no regrets about having left my job. That is despite how I left all went down, a subject I am forbidden to talk about because of a confidential agreement I signed. Sound mysterious? It’s really not, trust me.

I probably should have written this tomorrow when it will be April 14, but as buried as I am in work, I don’t know if I will even have time to post something tomorrow. In the meantime, if you go to a play tomorrow evening be sure to watch your back. And, have a very happy birthday, Lisa!