How to heal a broken oil company? A little congressional a** kissing

Boy howdy, talk about kicking an oil company when they’re down, or up, or down.

BP may have finally stopped their well from spewing oil all over the Gulf Coast after a test of a containment cap that had previously leaked. At least, things look rosy for the moment. Of course, that is how BP has managed this environmental disaster for the last three months after the Deepwater Horizon drilling rig went boom, killing 11 crew members.

“BP will fix it and make it all better. I know that because I am from the Coast and I met a man named Scratch at the Crossroads down by Clarksdale who said he’d make me rich and play the guitar like Robert Johnson if I made a TV commercial for BP.”

So it would truly be some good news finally if the cap continues to hold back the old oil. We won’t mention just yet the clean up that will continue and will hopefully intensify once the oil is finally pronounced stop-ped (like, really stopped, man.) Let’s just keep looking for all the bright spots so that the massive Republican congressional ass-kissing of BP doesn’t seem so out of whack with the American sentiment that, actually, believes the BP oil leak is really a bad thing.

And there is this. Some members of Congress want an inquiry into whether BP helped grease the wheels to release the man convicted of bombing Pan Am Flight 103 over Lockerbie, Scotland, in 1988. Let’s see that incident killed 270, including 11 on the ground. Bodies everywhere you go. Um, pile it on like fire wood.

I wonder which U.S. Members of Congress, of the conservative Republican ilk one might assume, will bow down to their masters at BP and cry out: “We’re sorry. So sorry. That I could be such a fool … ” Or “that we could be such fools.” Yeah, something like that. Then, “Smack!” The next sound you hear will the collective loud lips of the Caucus of House Conservatives puckering up for BP. Good for what ails every suffering oil company that might just like to cut corners and might just help let terrorists go free if it gives them free reign in a nation’s oil fields. That’s not say BP is a suffering oil company such as that. Oh no. Uh uh. Nope.

Goat maintenance? Outlets say al-Qaida has new magazine

Quite a few doubters exist, but various media outlets report that al-Qaida has published a slick magazine.

The publication, reportedly called Insight, features such articles as “What to Expect in a Jihad” and “How to Make a Bomb in the Kitchen of Your Mom.” Although some of the articles with wording such as the the latter one seem more satirical than one steeped in a translation failure the mag has supposedly created a buzz on the Arabian peninsula, according to a piece by Marc Ambinder on Atlantic Monthly’s Web site The Atlantic.

But even skepticism exists on The Atlantic as writer Max Fisher spells out five different reasons to doubt the publication’s authenticity. The dubiousness Fisher cites includes the rabid secrecy of the terror group’s leaders such as Osama bin Laden and Ayman al-Zawahiri as well as a suspicion by the so-called “Web-based ‘jihadi’ community.”

Still, given that the leadership of al-Quida has been relegated to living in caves and primitive conditions for years and that its agents as of late have not always proved to be the most reliable sticks of dynamite in the box, one who lives for the use of words (and their misuse) would love to see what kind of product could be turned out by such fanatical bozos. Perhaps we would see stories such as:

“When 74 Virgins Prove 74 Too Many: A Discussion of Martyr Anxiety.”

“al-Zawari Criticized For ‘Mission Accomplished’ Banner Across Cave Entrance.”

“Osama bin Laden’s Secrets to a Healthy Diet of Weeds and Rocks.

“Care for the Lengthiest Beards: 5 Tips That Will Make You the Envy of Prospective Suicide Bombers.”

“Escape from Hell: al-Qaida Ex-Prisoner Claims Americans Forced Him to Listen to Six Hours of Toby Keith Songs.”

Well, maybe their magazine, if they have a magazine, wouldn’t have such enlightening stories and would have fare more like “Your Goat: Your Friend. Your Feast.” Still it’s always good to see what the enemy is reading. Even if it is total bulls**t.