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Sex toys and lube: A dirty story of a militia siege in Oregon

One wonders how long the U.S. government will let the militia takeover of a federal wildlife refuge in Oregon continue.

Apparently the media can come and go as they have for however long ago this crap — and yes, it is crap — started. The so-called “militia” members, hail mostly from out of county and even from out of state. The scruffy-looking patriots who occupy a welcome center for the Malheur National Wildlife Center have mostly been a source of ridicule, especially after sending out a request for various needs such as coffee creamer.

The ridicule has risen beyond absurdity as the “tough” rugged Western militiamen are receiving a smattering of hate mail along with various sex toys. A co-founder of a popular “adult” game even sent a 55-gallon drum of “personal lube” to the boys.

An unknown number of armed individuals have broken into and occupied the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge facility near Burns, Oregon. While the situation is ongoing, the main concern is employee and public safety; we can confirm that no federal staff were in the building at the time of the initial incident. We will continue to monitor the situation for additional developments. -- This note and the picture is from the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge page. US Fish and Wildlife Service
An unknown number of armed individuals have broken into and occupied the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge facility near Burns, Oregon. While the situation is ongoing, the main concern is employee and public safety; we can confirm that no federal staff were in the building at the time of the initial incident. We will continue to monitor the situation for additional developments. — This note and the skunk photo is from the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge page. US Fish and Wildlife Service

Freedom fighters, they ain’t! Nor does it appear that they are the brightest headlights in the dark. For instance, one of the militiamen was arrested today in Burns, Ore., the nearest town to the Malheur center, when he was found at a Safeway store in a government vehicle that was stolen from the refuge.

One shouldn’t blame the government for avoiding a protracted standoff with catastrophic endings such as the Ruby Ridge incident or the raid and subsequent siege with the Branch Davidians outside of Waco which ended with nearly four score dead.

Still, this ridiculousness needs to end and the sooner the better. Perhaps the government should try an approximation of the Trojan Horse, sending in a tractor-trailer loaded with French vanilla creamer. Or maybe they could even employ an 18-wheeler carrying Trojan condoms. Whatever the tactic, such foolishness needs a safe and hopefully quick ending.

The militiamen need to know from the feds that they are finally gathered at a place where the — ahem — rubber meets the road.

 

 

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There is a billion-dollar lottery out there. Be prepared to win!

It’s Powerball Fever. Well, I don’t know if I’d call it that. I’m not running a temperature. But that’s what lazy local TV stations do to avoid some kind of in-depth piece that might actually report some news. I suppose one fact is often touched by these attempts to cover an interesting portion of a large, multicultural social event. That is the fact that people, lots and lots of people daydream.

You never hear this in a story about a large lottery jackpot, not even from CNN or Fox News:

TV Person: “What would you do if you won that big pot tonight?”

Geek on the Street: “I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it. I don’t know why I even bought it!”

Pants, severely, on fire.

No one buys a lottery ticket without a plan in the 1-in-292, 201,338 chance — those are the odds for a grand prize printed on my two $3-Powerball tickets I purchased — that they will instantly win more money than they likely have sense.

I have given good thought to this over the years. That is mainly because I have never been more than lower middle class. Of course, the IRS or VA will think you are right up there with Mr. Buffett. That’s either Warren or Jimmy.

TV Reporter: “Would you quit your job if you won?”

Geekette: “Uh, probably not. I like working where I am, stocking shelves and sweeping floors, and cleaning up baby doo.”

Please! Give me a gun, Texan! That person is definitely too stupid to live.

If you want to know my opinion — I accept Pay Pal — I feel it would be terribly irresponsible for one not to daydream a little bit. At least have a general plan if you win the lottery. Hell’s bells I have had enough time and plenty of big jackpots to think about it.

Of course, some of the media are trying to rain on our pre-lottery winnings parade with some of their stories. For instance, there is a number that has been used in the media quite extensively that says 70 percent of lottery winners end up broke. The figure comes from the National Endowment for Financial Education. I tried to find a story with that figure on their website, and was unable to do so, even though it was a pretty cursory search. And it seems as if these folks know what they are talking about. I just kind of wonder how they compiled that research. I think that would be fairly interesting. Of course, I’m a geek too.

In speaking with a few knowledgeable people, some of whom either won a lottery jackpot or have advised such winners, I have a very rudimentary plan if I wake up on Thursday only to discover that Hell has frozen over and those released from Hell will have all the ice water they can drink forever. The ice water will be flown into varied strategic spots by the United Nation’s Pig Force — no, not police cops, I’m talking pigs, four legs, big snouts, and wings. And to know that I must have won the jackpot, I will see upon opening my door to the morning sun, a sky covered in rainbows that are periodically s**t out of unicorn asses. Here is my plan.

  1. Take a day of sick leave.
  2. Have a couple of cups of coffee while continuously  and obsessively running the numbers over the “Check Your Numbers” page on the Texas Lottery Website.
  3. Once I am convinced I won this s***load of money, I will try to contact an accountant I know who had advised a jackpot winner. My acquaintance said to NEVER hire an accountant who wants a percentage of your jackpot as a fee. Find someone you trust.
  4. Hire a lawyer who specializes in financial matters. Make sure you run his background and that the attorney has good references.
  5. If the lawyer knows of a good financial adviser or one is recommended to you, take that professional into the flock.

Whatever you do, no matter how much you want to get your hands on that check, or its facsimile, take your time to assemble a trustworthy and savvy team. And you should have already placed a winning ticket in a safe deposit box after making a copy of the ticket. There is a certain period of time for claiming a winning ticket. I have no idea where you have to go to get your money, probably Austin. It certainly won’t be at Azmud’s Fast-R-Mart.

I would set a date for claiming the money and have my team concur. There would be a lot of matters that need attention. You need to figure out what in Sam Hill are you going to do with all that money. Feed the world, yeah, nice try.

I wouldn’t mind a house or two with some acreage in a scenic spot. Buy a couple of vehicles that I might need for a year or two. Investing? That is something that would really make me nervous. I don’t mind spending a dollar or two for the lottery or to win a shotgun from some local volunteer fire department trying to raise some bucks. I would even buy a fire truck for some needy department. All the while you are thinking of where this money might go — an extensive tour of Europe is okay — just giving away money to a relative or a friend outright might not be such a good move. It all depends on taxes. You can bet I’d find a way to help people, especially my friends and family. I’d just have to be wise about.

As for the job, well I will come up with some kind of story. Like, I’m going away for a while. I don’t know when I will be back. Don’t hold my job for me.

Seriously, we are talking about a big freaking amount of money, and not if just one person wins. I wouldn’t be at all surprised to see quite a few hitting the big pinata. Even more players are likely to hit “smaller” million-dollar

Yeah, I know the kind of crib I want along with furniture and infotainment system. Haven’t figured out the colors yet.

Good Damn Luck! You’re going to need it.

 

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Bowie’s life was a work of performing art

Yesterday I finally managed to “sync” the 376 songs from my laptop onto my iPhone. These songs were courtesy of the numerous CDs owned by my friend Bruce and which I recorded  onto my laptop when I visited him a few weeks ago near Dallas. I wouldn’t care to guess what percentage of the collection I managed to copy mainly because Bruce and his companion Cindy have a vast number of discs ranging from the complete works of Led Zeppelin to more than one “Hits Of The 70s” compilations. I know I barely scratch the surface of my friends’ musical collections.

Although it might sound to the contrary, I am not a total technological idiot. But I did have trouble transferring the music from my PC laptop to my iPhone. Researching a way to do this task, I even read something which purported that it couldn’t be done. Well, it could, and it only took a few seconds while talking to an Apple tech support lady to do so.

I was about 20 miles out of town this morning, headed toward the Houston VA Hospital, where it seems I spend at least one day every two weeks, when I realized I had left my ear buds at home. I had looked at my iPhone music this morning, with an intention of listening to some of the songs on the nearly 120-mile round trip. It didn’t seem strange at all that the album up next was that space-glam-rock classic, David Bowie’s “The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spider From Mars.” It wasn’t all that weird, that is, until I looked at Google News a couple of minutes later and saw the stories reporting that the musician-actor was dead.

Bowie died at age 69 after an 18-month struggle with cancer.

When “Ziggy” was first released more than 40 years ago, I was a long-haired country boy from East Texas. I had heard his “Space Oddity” (“Ground Control to Major Tom) from 1969 and it struck a cord since I had grown up with the U.S. space program and the triumph around that time of the first moon landing. A literal chord was struck during the next century by Space Station Astronaut Chris Hatfield.

Back in my little world, in the early 1970s, however, I didn’t know what to make of Bowie. Stories of him in all of his androgyny — all of this taking place during the days of the “glam rock” thing — was really not my cup of, well, Boone’s Farm.

As I grew older and experienced more of the world and musical tastes I became fond of Bowie’s music. I liked a number of his popular songs: “Young Americans,” “Rebel, Rebel,” “Changes,” among them. The album “Let’s Dance” in 1983 caught my attention in particular because Texas blues rocker Stevie Ray Vaughn’s guitar work on the album was mind-blowing. I saw Vaughn the first of two times in our dark-little college bar in Nacogdoches, Crossroads. From what I gathered, Vaughn had gone to Europe for work on Bowie’s LP, and it was in fact Stevie Ray’s big break. Apparently, Vaughn had made some prior commitments and there was Stevie Ray in this little club, the Crossroads, honoring his promise to play.

For all of its pitfalls, growing older has made me more appreciative of music and the genius behind it. It’s taken me many years to fully enjoy the whole of Bowie’s work, not merely a songster or writer, but whose life was one of performing art. Few like David Bowie come along. It’s cliche, but who cares — he will be missed.

 

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Hyperbole and hypocracy: Touchstones of pro-gun nuts.

Hyperbole arrives at its zenith during presidential election years. One has to admit though, exaggerating truth or telling just damn lies, have become standard operating procedure by politicians and their supporters for years now.

Nowhere does the folks who think they know constitutional law when it comes to “pro-gun” and radical Second Amendment enthusiasts. The current Supreme Court ruling asserts the amendment means the people of the nation becoming armed is equal to militias as set forth in the language of which was ratified in three-fourths of the state on Dec. 15, 1791. Let’s see how many states that would be? Nine? Ten?

Today President Obama announced several executive actions he will sign to curb gun violence. These proposals are only a silly millimeter more than actions with which even many gun owners would agree.

To hear it from the radical right, like our Republican Texas Gov. Greg Abbott, the sky is falling. Those of you who know me also know I will not use some disparaging remark against Abbott. The current governor became a paraplegic when a large oak tree fell on him in 1984 as he was jogging in the ritzy River Oaks section of Houston. Abbott, a lawyer who became a judge and later a justice in the state Supreme Court, and who was elected Texas attorney general before his election as governor, did what any good (or bad) lawyer would do. He sued the homeowner and a tree service connected with the falling tree.

A settlement in the suit which mandated payments to Abbott in the sum of about $14,000 a month may ultimately fill the governor’s pockets with some $9 million.

Lawsuits filed by Abbott and his successor, currently indicted Republican Attorney General Ken Paxton, have filed a total of 38 lawsuits on behalf of Texas against the Obama administration. This has cost Texas taxpayers more than $5 million. But no one should be surprised that Abbott advocates tort reform like any of his good Republican cronies would.

But wasn’t I talking about hyperbole and not hypocrites? Well, it seems Governor Abbott can have it both ways.

 “Today, the President trampled the purpose and substance of the Bill of Rights by unilaterally imposing Second Amendment restrictions, Abbott said in a press release. “After failing to pass gun control measures through Congress, the President is yet again resorting to unilateral executive action in place of the democratic process. Despite the President’s latest attempt to undermine our liberty, Texas will take every action to protect the Second Amendment rights of law-abiding citizens.”

If anything, the proposals Obama intends for executive order are mostly symbolic. One part of the actions would use present laws to close a badly-needed loophole, making those who sell at guns shows to be licensed and would thus have to conduct background checks through the government.

In any event, the orders the President seeks could be tied up in court for a while. More costly lawsuit by Republicans who want to limit rewards from civil suits. But to paraphrase some smart person: “If hypocrites were not permitted to run for office, we wouldn’t have anyone representing us in Austin or Washington.”

And just a local note. We are in day two of Open Carry Texas. I’ve yet to see anyone packing but I have seen plenty of — legal — signs telling customers: “Don’t take your guns to town son, leave you guns at home … ”

Oh and just one more thing. These morons out in Oregon who have taken over a federal wildlife refuge, some are being labeled in social media: “Vanilla ISIS” and “Ya’ll Queda, need to get while the getting’s good. I don’t think the “militia” folks have much sympathy built up in that Oregon county. That county has a sizable amount of federal employees working as well as plain folks who see what is happening there as an assault on government as an affront to themselves.