No 'Parent of the Year' award for suspects sought by police

Among the criminal of our species there are “bottom feeders” and then there is a whole class for below that division.

Right here in “River City” — to borrow from “The Music Man” — otherwise known as Beaumont, Texas, police are seeking a couple who fall somewhere in that class below the lowest.

The suspects are the couple in the picture. They look like Joe Bob and Tanya Jean Blow what with Joe Bob in the orange shirt pushing the baby while sweet little Tanya Jean in the black shirt pulls up her hair into a ponytail.

But police say the pair are actually a couple of thieves who use their baby as a distraction.

A Beaumont police press release said the man — who has a mustache and goatee — allegedly snatches and grabs the merchandise while the woman serves as a lookout. Here the alleged sticky-fingered duo at 4:56 p.m. on Nov. 23 search for a real steal at Radio Shack in the Parkdale Mall. They are also suspected of thefts at the Sunglasses Hut in the mall and at the H-E-B Plus on Dowlen Road.

Lowlife is a word that comes to mind when a couple uses a baby to steal or commit other crimes. I once had neighbors who used their kids as a shield for selling crack. The police would make a pass and Mrs. Not June Cleaver would grab up her older Roly Poly or the baby and rock-a-bye until the cops went bye-bye.

So-called adults putting truly innocent children — like a baby — into such a situation is bad enough. But such is the nature of this couple’s alleged crime that the baby himself or herself is a cause of concern for the police. Beaumont police told local media that they want to both collar the couple and check on the welfare of the child.

If you see this couple or know people like them, slap them silly call your local police or Crime Stoppers. In my nekkid of the woods, to lighten this piece just a bit and give someone a chance to say you misspelled “neck,” the phone number is (409)833-TIPS.

Seriously, people who do stuff like use their kids to steal really ticks me off. Of course, lots of things tick me off. But I don’t have time to get into all that, so I will just say “au jus,” dear friends.