I’m not dead yet. 
Cornell University scientists have discovered that the Ivory-billed woodpecker — not seen for certain in 60 years — is hiding out in the Big Woods of northeastern Arkansas. Apparently it had been hanging on this man’s hat disguising itself as a feather all this time.
The woodpecker, with a wingspan of almost 3 feet, has long been believed extinct. The last verified sightings in the United States took place in northern Louisiana. Since that time unconfirmed sightings of the bird were made in the Big Thicket of Southeast Texas, Louisiana and in Cuba.
I grew up in the area near the Big Thicket and dreamed of encountering the majestic bird in my childhood fantasies. That and pretending I was Jesus feeding the masses. Okay, I was a pretty weird kid. But every now and then I would read about supposed sightings of the Ivory-billed and wonder if it was real or merely a vision inspired by some sort of mushroom. The Cornell bird-brains have apparently found the real McDougle. Read the stories, see the video, have a beer, rejoice. Modern society apparently failed to kill off this species. It’s Ivory 1-Man 0.