Author: Dick

” … he, the novelist, a fourth-grade dropout and ex-logger in his late forties, looked as if life had given him an endless stream of two-timing girlfriends, five-day drunks and cars with bad transmissions.”

The above sort of captures the essence of my life at the moment with the exception that I finished college, never logged, am in my early 50s, only had a few two-timing girlfriends and (knock on wood)never had any cars with transmission problems. I also would suggest that someone define “five-day drunks.”

But Richard Brautigan, who used this wonderful description in his bizarre short story called “1/3, 1/3, 1/3,” nonetheless could feel my pain long before it appeared. That in itself is quite amazing especially because I never knew Brautigan other than to read his whimsical books as well as the fact that he killed himself more than 20 years ago.

My truck is in the shop. Fortunately, it is a not-too-serious condition that has been fixed with its surgeons awaiting payment. The fact is I am teetering on the edge of homelessness thus no one in my position (or any other to be totally fair) really needs this kind of s**t to happen. As much of a cynical ass that I probably always will be, it is rather difficult to look at the bright side. Indeed there is a bright side. Things could be worse.

But things could also be better. Yes, things could be a whole lot better thus creating what was aptly characterized by a military acronym, the word “snafu,” for “situation normal — all f**ked up.” So let me extract myself from this snafu and I shall be ready to move on to the next.

Join the Pessimists. Our motto: “We would have meetings but we’re afraid no one would show up.”

As mentioned Friday, it was sad to hear of the death of local police officer Lisa Beaulieu. She was killed Friday morning on a Beaumont, Texas, freeway after being struck by a suspected drunk driver while directing traffic at another accident. I did not know Officer Beaulieu but that type of news always hits hard in smaller cities like ours, perhaps even in large cities.

Today I learned of the death of another public servant whom I did know, I once worked with and considered a friend.

Capt. Ed Ivy of the Nacogdoches Fire Department in East Texas died of a heart attack while attending a firefighting conference out of town. He was 51.

Eddie was one of those larger-than-life creatures who crosses your path if you are lucky.

When I started fire academy in Nacogdoches some 29 years ago, I must admit I didn’t quite know what to make of Eddie. His brother, Danny and I were in the rookie school class together and the Ivy Boy’s cousin, Ricky, would rejoin the fire department a year or so later and would become a friend.

On the number of occasions I worked the same shift with Eddie, he definitely was the one who could get you to laugh with his stories told in his unabashed East Texas drawl. One of the funniest things I ever remember hearing Ed say was a quote for a story I wrote while attending journalism classes at nearby Stephen F. Austin State University.

During the period of time that John Travolta thrust the drugstore cowboy craze onto the country with “Urban Cowboy,” Eddy was one of a couple of firefighters who worked on their days off as real cowpunchers. I wrote a feature story for class about how Eddie and fellow firefighter Bob Templin moonlighted by rounding up cows for local ranchers.

Eddie told me about once having a cow fall over and having to give the bovine CPR.

“I didn’t give her mouth-to-mouth,” Eddie said, noting that he jumped up and down on the cow’s chest to get its heart going.

He was also one of those firefighters who put everything they had into battling blazes. Eddie was the type of fireman you wanted around when things got hairy.

Of course, it’s shocking to hear of a friend dying suddenly like that. Unfortunately, that is something that continues as a presence as you age. The situation reminded me of talking to a young woman tending bar awhile back. She was in her later 20s and spoke of a friend going through a divorce, something that she experienced a year or two before.

I told her that, yes, “I remember going through a period when my friends were getting divorces. Now, they are just dying.” I said that not altogether seriously but perhaps with a tinge of sincerity. I don’t know why I said it. Perhaps it was to make the young bartender aware of the fact that, although it is not fun to see your friends divorce, neither is it pleasant to hear of them dying. But that’s neither hear nor there.

It seems like life just doesn’t get any easier as we travel along this old cosmic interstate.

Adios Eduardo.

Sad news here in our city — Beaumont, Texas. A Beaumont Police Officer was killed after being hit by an alleged drunk driver while she was working a traffic mishap. Lisa Beaulieu is the first woman on the Beaumont force to be killed in the line of duty.

“Well, Granny never put any distinctions on any of God’s creatures. She always used to say, ‘Meat’s meat, and man’s gotta eat!”

Well hello friends and neighbors. As some of you may know, I was living for a couple of months out of my Toyota Tacoma, the small version of the pickup truck. Since finding a decent-paying part-time job with Uncle Sugar, I have mostly stayed in different hotels until I could find some living quarters which were both affordable and relatively decent.

As one surely knows, staying in motels gets expensive fast so I checked into one of the local roach motels yesterday to stay for at least a week. This gives me some breathing room that I have not had for awhile and will perhaps give me time to extensively search for a real place to live.

As motels go, and I lived for years in a motel on the outskirts of Waco so I think tha gives me some particular insight into the subject, the place in which I am staying is the mother of all dumps. Jeez, it is so trashy that I just don’t know where to begin describing its particular ambiance. So I will have to ask you to just trust me. That’s right, go ahead and kick the football whilst I hold it. I promise not to do a Lucy van Pelt on you.

But as crappy and exceedingly seedy as this motel is, I do have to remind myself that it fits a loose description of housing. It has cable TV, refrigerated air, a shower, a nice-sized closet and it has — even though I have not yet fell to temptation to try it out or even see if it still works — a coin-operated bed massage. If that’s not living, then I’ll kiss your ass.

So as a sign I saw on a motel marquis the other day: “Keep on the sunny side.” And it’s sunny when you are not exactly a street person.

Have a nice day. You deserved it.

Do you ever wonder what happened to Shirley Ellis? Who is Shirley Ellis, you might ask? I might have asked that too had I not heard the 1965 hit “The Name Game” playing in a restaurant earlier today. But I did not have to wait for long to find out who sang the somewhat funny yet somewhat annoying tune. It was:

“Shirley!
Shirley, Shirley bo Birley Bonana fanna fo Firley
Fee fy mo Mirley, Shirley!”

No. Seriously. I wonder what Shirley is doing? There certainly are much worse things for which to be known, like a mass murderer for instance. That’s all I’m saying.