Author: Dick

If you’ve not seen this, then you are in for a treat. It is indeed the dullest blog in the world. It also is just so genius and funny! It’s minimalism friends and neighbors! Revel in it. Roll in it! Buy me a snow cone!!!!

This hay bale probably isn’t in Crawford, Texas. I don’t know where it is actually. But it is here to illustrate the illusion being perpetrated by the electronic news media. You see all those TV stand-ups from Crawford when President Bush visits his ranch? Well, those reporters are not out on the Rancho de Jorge W. They are not even on a ranch or a farm, they are out in back of Crawford Middle School. I’m sorry to break it to you. It’s kind of like no Santa Claus or Easter Rabbit. The old gymnasium at the school serves as the (Western) White House press center when GW is at his home about eight miles away.

But you see the reporters standing, nonetheless, before a hay bale and dilapidated barn and rusty farm implements. It looks, said Elizabeth Bumiller of The New York Times, “as if a cow might wander by any moment.” But these props are in fact just a couple of blocks from “downtown” Crawford, as much as a town of 700 can have a downtown.

I don’t know why the television networks persist in making it seem their reporters are Gucci-deep in meadow muffins. Granted, there aren’t a lot of sights to see in Crawford except for several gift shops and the Coffee Station Cafe, friendly as the town folks are there. Even if the correspondents stood up by the Western White House logo, which they have up inside the gym, it would be a little more honest than standing up before the pseudo Green Acres.

Well, I suppose TV has got to make it seem like something it’s not. Otherwise we would just get news and it would probably depress us even more. It’s probably a good thing they don’t do the report from the top of the water tower in Crawford, come to think of it.

For some reason this afternoon I got to thinking about Charlie Wilson. Who is Charlie Wilson you might ask? Well, Tom Hanks is set to show you when the film version of George Crile’s book “Charlie Wilson’s War” is released.

Charlie was a Democratic congressman from Lufkin, Texas, for more than 20 years. Before retiring to become a lobbyist in 1996, Wilson was less known for major legislation and best known for his love of carousing and skirt-chasing. “Good Time Charlie,” he was called. The book by former “60 Minutes” producer Crile — published last year — makes the case that Wilson almost single-handedly helped the Afghan Mujaheddin rebels defeat the Soviet Army by quietly funneling congressional money to the CIA for weapons. Crile’s book is a great read, full of as much intrigue as any spy thriller, and doesn’t hide the human frailties that make Wilson such a fascinating and complex character.

I guess Charlie was my congressman for most of my adult life. I didn’t really know him well. I talked to him a number of times as a journalist and I did accompany him along with others on a trip in his massive recreational vehicle one time. We went to check out a machine shop in my area for which Charlie had helped secure a defense contract. I remember the BS was pretty deep in the RV that afternoon, figuratively speaking, as Charlie entertained us with tales from his lively world.

Charlie had weathered more than a few scandals in office — drunk driving — cocaine investigation — flying a beauty queen on board a government jet to accompany him to Pakistan — the U.S. House check-kiting scandal. So representing in Congress a district in the East Texas pineywoods which puts the Bible in the Bible Belt, you would think the voters would throw this cad out on his ear. Ha! He kept getting elected and left Congress on his own terms.

What was so fascinating was seeing little old lady constituents of his who fawned over the tall, lanky Wilson. These paragons of East Texas virtue just loved old Charlie. I guess some of his virtuous constituents — both men and women — may have lived vicariously through him and his escapades. Charlie, who was notorious for hiring beautiful women, was also a master at providing services for his constituents. His campaign slogan was “Taking Care of the Home Folks” and I suspect that played no minor role in his serving 24 years in Congress.

Aaron Sorkin, creator of TV’s “The West Wing,” is adapting the book about Charlie to a screenplay in which Hanks will star as the former congressman. I’m really looking forward to the movie.

Why is the Texas Comptroller smiling with a crazed look on her face? It’s Tax-Free Weekend!

The mall was a madhouse this afternoon. It is because of the Tax-Free Weekend. That is when Texas consumers get to stiff the state on its sales tax for a lot of different items. I say different items. That does not mean every item.

For instance:

You can buy a belt with a buckle attached without sales tax but you get charged the tax if you only buy a buckle. One may purchase raincoats and ponchos (real or Sears either one) without being taxed but you got to pay that pesky tax if you buy rubber work boots or waders. There is no tax for baby clothes, dresses, jeans, jackets, pants or trousers. But if you want to buy buttons or zippers just in case the cheap, crappy excuse for a button on the garment you buy fails once you get it home, you will pay taxes for it. And so on.

This Tax-Free Weekend started in 1999. I don’t know whether Texas Comptroller (our state’s tax collector) Carole Keeton Rylander McClellan Strayhorn Foghorn Leghorn Desi Lucy Arnaz de Zavalla invented this weekend-long moratorium in the state but I’m sure she will be happy to take the credit for it even if she didn’t. Strayhorn, as we’ll caller her here and mother of my favorite White House press secretary Scott McClellan, is running for the Republican nomination for governor against Rick “The Coifmeister” Perry.

Strayhorn should be playing this tax-free puppy for all it’s worth this weekend while His Hairness begins to finally learn a physics lesson about immovable objects during this second — and no more successful than the first — special legislative session.

It’s nice to know Texans are out saving $8 for every $100 they spend this weekend. In the meantime we also get to pick up the $1.7 million tab for the special session while the legislature does nothing. But hey to the Lege, it’s OPM, Other People’s Money. That’s even better than saving a few bucks.

I try not to be too critical of the local news media. Goodness knows they have enough trouble from bitchy people who know nothing about news but still let their ignorant opinions spew forth. But a news story I heard last night on KBTV-4 just left me dumbfounded.

They reported how neighboring Orange County sheriff’s deputies arrested a 20-year-old deserter from the Marine Corps. Yeah, that’s it in case you were waiting for the punch line. I just had to e-mail my opinion to the channel’s news director on why I don’t think that is really a news story. Military personnel go AWOL all the time, whether a war is going on or not. A desertion includes situations such as when a person has been AWOL for more than 30 days or if he or she declared the intention to desert.

Paul Bergen, Channel 4’s news director, replied to my e-mail and linked to a “Houston Chronicle” story about two Fort Hood soldiers who committed suicide after returning from Iraq.

“So, would you consider this newsworthy then? Some viewers may perceive it to be a reflection of morale of troops,” Bergen wrote me, somewhat defensively it seems.

Yes I consider the two suicides a story. But I can’t for the life of me find any proof positive to link either those deaths or the desertion of a 20-year-old Marine to the current state of military morale. Show me some proof first.

While a deserter may get prison time for the offense, a good possibility exists that he or she won’t. In many instances the services simply discharge the individual and send them on their merry way. I asked Bergen in a reply to his reply if his station will report it if such a discharge is the outcome in this young Marine’s case. I’m not holding my breath that it will be reported.