Get the gator oil, all you fine young cannibals. The ‘skeeters’ have gone wild.

Early French and Spanish explorers who punched their clocks and set out to ramble through the upper Gulf Coast of Texas left stories of encountering fierce and, at times, foul-smelling natives.

These Indians, some of whom were named the Atakapa, were said to eat their enemies which is only understandable given the band’s name was a Choctaw derivative for the word “man-eater.” The foul-smelling part — something one might handle in exchange for not being dinner — was from alligator and other types of animal grease and oil to ward off mosquitoes.

The chemical mixture DEET would certainly work just as well as alligator oil, one would assume, yet I had no idea yesterday morning when I left home and crossed the Neches River for Orange that I would be swarmed by mosquitoes. I mean, it’s February, you know.

The salt marsh mosquito. Look for the white-banded legs. Yeah. Photo - Jefferson County Mosquito Control District

My part-time work requires casual business attire of which I am relatively certain one would find unattractive with a heavy smearing of alligator oil. Now I could have found alligators with a little scouting yesterday, as I was in Orange County, Texas. The county bordering southern Louisiana has plenty of marshes and an abundance of river bottom, the latter due to the county being bordered to the west by the Neches River and on the east by the Sabine. Although one might find an alligator with a bit of hunting it doesn’t mean that one should just walk up to one of the fearsome-looking and rather dangerous reptiles, stick in an oil spout and expect the gator’s bodily fluids to freely flow. Or at least that wouldn’t happen without a serious tussle with the animal.

Of course, stopping into a corner store and purchasing a can of Off for an inflated price would be a lot simpler solution and one much safer than trying to drill for alligator oil. Yet I didn’t plan to stay out of my car for a very long period of time so why bother with the time and money spent? Well, maybe to prevent having the mosquitoes bite the crap out me would be one consideration.

The upper Texas coast and that of Southern Louisiana is currently experiencing an outbreak of mosquitoes due to the drought-relieving rains and warm winter weather of late. Being bitten by swarming mosquitoes isn’t a pleasant experience. I know, because the damn things have bitten me all my life growing up in Southeast Texas. But their bite also isn’t like the sting of a wasp or yellow-jacket. I’ve had more than my share of those bites too.

Growing up, I used to sit enthralled seeing the city’s red Jeep come through my neighborhood with a fogger in the back of the vehicle puffing out great clouds of DDT. Sometimes kids would jump up and follow behind the Jeep and its magic skeeter-slaughtering clouds. Of course, we knew nothing of the harmful effects which we would learn later about the chemical. Then again, neither did we know much — or at least think much — about the diseases spread by the pesky little mosquitoes.

Stories of malaria were, to me, just another war story my Uncle Ted told about his time during World War II landings in the Pacific islands. Yellow fever was a disease that killed a bunch of folks building the Panama Canal. As I got a little older in childhood I started hearing stories about “sleeping sickness” which mostly killed horses but would take a little kid’s life every now and then. It would be much later that I heard of “West Nile Virus” and just how much havoc the mosquito once wreaked upon our area of the Texas Gulf Coast and the world at large. For instance:

For a little historic perspective, about 100 residents of Beaumont and Sabine Pass — in my county — died from an 1862 outbreak of Yellow Fever. The late Southeast Texas historian W.T. Block wrote that the epidemic emanated from a Civil War blockade runner that had made it into the estuary of Sabine Pass.

If there is good news about the influx of skeeters as of late it is that most are the pesky “salt marsh” mosquito which are not carriers of West Nile. The Jefferson County Mosquito Control District says the medium-sized brown mosquitoes are distinguished with white bands on their legs. The mosquitoes are

 ”  … very aggressive biters, both day and night. The eggs are deposited in rice fields, fallow fields, & pastures in any depression that will hold water, including hoof prints. These mosquitoes are attracted to Beaumont and other areas in the western half of the county by the glow of lights at night, which are easily seen from as far away as Fannett or China (Texas) We try to intercept these mosquitoes on the edge of town as they migrate in. Residents can do nothing to help us control this species.”

Personally, I try not to look at the mosquitoes any longer than it takes to swat or smash them. I therefore don’t search for bands on their legs. Also fortunate, they seem to be pretty slow and are pretty easy to slap away.

On the list of supplies to take along on my next trip for work will be the can of Off. I can it place the needed spray in the trunk right next to that cold-weather blanket that I don’t need. I guess if all else fails, perhaps then might be the time to search for a gator.

 

 

Arrested bank robber may have once received clemency

A suspect who was wanted in the robbery of three Southeast Texas banks was arrested today while trying to catch a cab at a Beaumont mall.

John Steven Stark, 46, was arrested outside Parkdale Mall shortly after the nearby Prosperity Bank was held up around 9:15 this morning, a Beaumont Police Department news release said. Stark, who was listed on a driver license database as having a Huntsville address, was stopped after entering the taxi at a front mall entrance. Police said Stark was arrested without incident and had a large amount of cash on him.

A tease line on the Beaumont Enterprise Web site this evening said it all: “Talk, Dark, and Handcuffed,” referring to the name given by police and media to the robber of the “Tall, Dark and Handsome Bandit.” The alleged robber was shown in surveillance photos dressed neatly and wearing sunglasses on the top of his head during robberies at the Bank of America on Calder Avenue in Beaumont on Jan. 30 and the Comercia Bank off Southwest Freeway in Houston on Feb. 2.

Beaumont police said an employee at the Prosperity Bank this morning was able to see the silver Toyota Corolla Stark was driving and gave police a license plate number. Officers found the car in the mall parking lot and set up surveillance of the car while other officers searched inside the mall.

A criminal database indicated Stark, who previously resided in Rye, Texas, in Polk County, had previous arrests for forgery and aggravated robbery. Those records showed Stark had been paroled and received and unspecified type of clemency.

Just a note, since I have written about this guy I figured that I would follow-up with his arrest. The clemency found in his criminal records is interesting since the Texas Department of Criminal Justice says:

 “The governor has the authority to grant clemency upon the written recommendation of a majority of the Board of Pardons and Paroles. Clemency includes full pardons, conditional pardons, pardons based on innocence, commutations of sentence, and emergency medical reprieves.”

It may be something innocuous but could be as well something to make one say: “Hmm.”

 

Get out the tin foil, sun’s a-comin’

Okay. Listen very carefully. A hell of a solar storm is wrapping itself over the planet. Everyone needs to follow these important instructions:

1. Take off all your clothes.

2. Rub Elmer’s glue all over your body.

3. Wrap yourself in aluminum foil from head to toe. When you get to the head, you need to start wrapping the foil until you can make yourself a cone. A cone will act as an antenna for the radioactive impulses emanating from the sun. The charges will flow along all four sides of your body from the cone into the ground. In about three months, this will be a great place to plant strawberries, squash or watermelons as the ground becomes charged with radioactive particles.

4. Once the solar storm passes, carefully unwrap the aluminum foil from your body and take a long bath in a mixture of white vinegar and soap powder.

5. Enjoy living without your aluminum wrap.

This is your brain on drugs. No, wait it is radiation from the sun, or something or other.

Chump.

Please don’t follow the above instructions. Someone would have to take you out into the desert or the forest and shoot you for being too stupid.

There is, however, a “space hurricane” as one story tells it. It is the most intense sun storm in almost a decade. The solar event is causing some flights over the poles to reroute due to the radiation and interference with electrical navigation and communication equipment. Then there is the aurora borealis.

The northern lights may be quite spectacular in some places due to the solar activity. Just how far south it might be seen is beyond my paygrade. But check out this story. Plus, this NOAA map shows the area of auroral activity worldwide and shows activity as far South as St. Louis, albeit not heavy activity. Theoretically, the lights can be seen anywhere north of the Equator, depending on the intensity of the solar activity and magnetic pole positioning. One story I read says the lights may be seen once or twice every 100 years south of the Tropic of Cancer, which runs along the middle of Mexico, the Gulf of Mexico and near Key West in the Western Hemisphere.

I doubt we will see the northern lights here in Southeast Texas because, thankfully, we are due some heavy rain. I’d love to see the aurora borealis. But there are always a lot of spectacular sites one may see out there in the sky. I’ve spent more time than I can remember looking at eclipses, meteor showers, Halley’s, Hale-Bopp and the heavenly bodies viewed with both telescopes and without. All you have to do is look up. And like the story in the Chronicle says, all you have to do is look north for the aurora borealis and, hopefully, have a clear night.

Good Hair’s out. I’m sick.

Everybody and their dog, by now, likely knows Texas Gov. Rick “Good Hair” Perry has dropped out of the insane spectacle known as the race for the Republican presidential nomination. Perry has thrown his support to Newt Gingrich on the day the Newtered’s second wife is claiming the former House Speaker wanted an open marriage. Better Newt than later.

It still seems highly unlikely anyone except Mitt Romney will be anointed GOP nominee barring some otherworldly occurrence. Even so Gingrich seems least likely of any of this crop’s top candidates, present or past, to defeat Obama in the General Election.

Frankly, I don’t care at this point who gets the nomination. I do wonder what the return of Perry will mean for the Texas political landscape for the next several years. Will his fellow Texas Republicans in the Legislature pile on Perry, thus rendering a bigger freak show than it is already? Will Perry run again for governor? If so, would he win? These are questions more important at this point to me than why the governor dropped out of the race. We already know why he dropped out: Real people unlike those who voted continuously for him in Texas don’t buy his act. They realize what those of us who didn’t vote for him already knew–that he was an empty cowboy hat and boots.

The less I hear the name Rick Perry on the national scene, the happier I will be.

What I am unhappy  about is my stomach. The headline above, Perry’s out, I’m sick. Well, I’m certainly not sick Perry dropped out. No, I am feeling ill today because my tummy has taken me on an unpleasant ride, the destination of which has mainly been the bathroom. If that is TMI already, I’m sorry.

I have no idea what has upset the tank, but at this point, I only want the feelings which run from stormy to gut-punch to cease and desist. I’ve already switched my workday from today to tomorrow, thus ruining a three-day weekend. That’s kind of crappy, if you ask me. I’ll not remark upon the pun. Time for a nap.

Let us now all say “Ahhhhh” for the weekend

It’s a long weekend coming and I’m ready as can be. Two NFL divisional games tomorrow, two Sunday including the Texans-Ravens. My second-fave team, the Saints play San Fran tomorrow. I saw an episode last night of Anthony Bourdain’s “The Layover” in which he was featuring San Francisco dining and bars. One bar lady said the two things tourists should not call San Francisco are “San Fran” and “Frisco.” Well, Frisco this. Sorry, my Bay Area friends, just jivin.’

One activity I will not partake of very much during the weekend is computer use. That’s because my work computer is about to drive me totally insane. If you knew the circumstances you would understand. I don’t mean to be cryptic. I will say this: “Dial up.” Slow as a snail’s butt in a molasses spill. I continue to be told relief will be coming soon in the form of a Blackberry. Somehow, I am not comforted.

Well, it’s time to read a few blogs and head on into the weekend. Listening to sports talk radio this week, it seemed as if the “spundits”, my name for sports pundits, can’t agree how badly Baltimore will beat Houston. That doesn’t bother me. I don’t expect the Texans to win but there is always — in the cliché-ridden world of sport — the chance that comes with “any given Sunday.” So we shall see, bees knees.

I say again: Go Texans!