Where do they get these nicknames?

 Show me a serial bank robber these days and I will likely find you some strange nickname made up for that person or persons.

 I don’t know whether these names come from the FBI agent who serves as media liaison in the larger division offices or whether the bureau has a computer that generates monikers in the way random generators do on some Web sites. Needless to say, some of these which I found today while looking through the FBI’s Houston Division press releases were amusing.

sweatin' The prize goes to the “Sweatin’ to the Oldies Bandit.”

 Actually, the alleged bank robber reminds me more of an overweight and unmasked Klaatu

"Klaatu barada nikto"
"Klaatu barada nikto"

 from “The Day the Earth Stood Still” than some Richard Simmons devotee. Hi-ho Silver (above) robbed two Houston banks in late August within less than an hour’s time. No idle hands here.

 FBI agents are as well on the look for another busy bank robber, this one dubbed “The Grandma Bandit.” Now I would be willing to bet this “grandma” would have appreciated a more flattering nickname.

"You could use some castor oil and I could use all your money"
"You could use some castor oil and I could use all your money"

On Friday Granny allegedly robbed two banks — both Compass Banks — in a time span of about an hour. What’s with these fast robberies? I guess that like a rolling stone, these bandits don’t care to gather any moss, or coppers.

 

 Finally, I think the FBI were scraping the bottom of the barrel coming up with this name, The Déjà Vu Bandit.

"This is all too familiar"
“This is all too familiar”

 He was so named because he robbed the same bank, on the same street, while wearing the same shirt, although the robberies were on different days. Well, what can you say? All good bandits have to have their lucky “bank robbing shirt.” And as far as robbing the same company’s banks on the same street, this alleged crook is just abiding by the well-worn principle of “sticking with what they know.”

 Weird.

What does a good Texas governor cost?

 Texans for Public Justice on Tuesday released another of its ever-enlightening reports on campaign finance. This report focuses on the $28 million raised for the battle supreme for the Texas GOP governor’s nomination in 2010 between Gov. Rick “Goodhair” Perry and U.S. Sen. Kay “Give me a ‘G,’ give me an ‘O,’ give me a ‘P'” Bailey Hutchison.

  The most recent state financial disclosure reports indicated Hutchison raised about $14.8 million and Perry, slightly less, at $14.4 million. TPJ says there are caveats to these figures, however.

 Perry has been raising campaign cash since taking office since 2000. That is with the exception of a six-month period surrounding the biennial legislative sessions during which state officials are prohibited by law from taking contributions.

 Hutchison’s monetary figure reflects the period between December 2008 — when she named a state campaign treasurer — and July 2009. But Hutchison also transferred an additional $7.9 million from her federal senate war chest to her state campaign funds.

 A few million dollars here and another few million there and we’re talking a lot of money.

 S.W.T. Lanham, elected Texas governor in 1902 and 1904, oversaw early campaign reform laws including the requirement of filing campaign expenditures. Lanham spent $20 on his last campaign. Then again he didn’t have to deal with the cost of jet planes (or planes for that matter), or television ads playing statewide and in some of the country’s major markets. Of course, there was no TV or commercial radio. And the Inter-what?

 Many of those people who rant about campaign finance at either the state or federal levels often aim their invective at the industry, or organization or even the person. That influence-peddling, legal or not, has become one of the major obstacles to governing raises little doubt.

 But it should be bothersome enough to most people except those who make a profit off expensive elections that such enormous amounts of cash go toward elections. It’s the money, stupid.

 How much money will be raised through both the Democratic and GOP primaries for governor in Texas? Then comes the general election. What will be the final tally for the entire 2010 election for governor? There are widespread predictions of another record-breaking year for raising cash to buy the Texas governor’s seat.

 The mind-numbing amounts of money raised and spent for offices provide commerce for some, but can anyone say with certainty that the cash is spread around to many? Well, one could argue, it pays off in the end for the individual donors who seek time with elected officials to make their case for this or that. Of course, if such influence provides rotten results that help only a few, then we proceed, straight back to square one.

 There is little reason to hope that the laws will eventually bar the ever greater amounts of millions of dollars which infuse campaigns. Americans seem willing to wait for the critical mass. Wait until the waters overflow — like in New Orleans during Katrina — and fix it then.

 But one has to wonder. Will Texans have a better quality governor — who spends millions upon millions of dollars — in office after the 2010 election than it did with S.W.T. Lanham who spent a mere 20 bucks to get elected?

'scuse me for mo Moammar

  Isn’t two days of Moammar Gadhafi a little much?

  Well, maybe it is but I didn’t get enough sleep last night — perhaps subconsciously worried I might have nightmares about the Libyan strong man throwing things at me — so I am tired and thus want to make this short.

  But really, who would have thought that Gadhafi would have provided so much comic relief with his 90-some-odd-minute-mind-numbing-speech at the UN General Assembly. I mean, the guy wore out an interpreter.

   One of the funniest comments I heard over the Gadhafi speech: “Where is Kanye West when you need him?”

Pitch this Moammar!

Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi is like a bad penny. He just never seems to go away. At today’s United Nations General Assembly he was up at the podium blasting the UN Security Council for … something. Truth be told, it was kind of hard following what he said, even with translators speaking perfectly good English. Gadhafi also has created a stir around New York trying to find a place to pitch his tent. Donald Trump has come up with a place. Of course, a lot of people would just as soon he pitch his tent in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, while others feel Hell would be just the right spot for him.

The better mousetrap. Just when you don't need it.

Someone always seems eager to build the better mousetrap. It certainly wouldn’t be good news to all the mice were it not that the term is used mostly as a metaphor. But people are striving to improve objects, to make them better, to come up with an “improved” version. All kinds of reasons exist for the need to improve but one with a cynical mind would suspect money is a great factor. It does seem that way with the “wares” of computers. You know–hardware, software, underwear. Well, who knows if computers have undies but perhaps you get the point.

Every year or so some tech company comes up with an improved version of this or that. Look at Microsoft. You got your Windows, Windows 2000, Windows XP, Windows Vista, Windows to the World, Dirty Windows and Closed Windows.

But something as simple as Yahoo Mail. It’s been the same for thousands of years in Internet time. Now they are getting around to improving it, to change it. And wouldn’t you know that change has to take place at precisely the time you most need that little piece of technological wizardry to flawlessly perform the mission that it has done so well for so long? The problem is that you have to take time now to learn, or retrain, as to how it functions.

Maybe someone will come up with a better version of time. That’s it: Time 2.0. It sounds downright techie.