Eight Feet Deep

If you have visited this site more than once or twice you may have lately noticed some cosmetic changes. The changes may be for the better, for the worst, or perhaps they don’t mean a thing ’cause they ain’t got that swing … doo-wab-di-wab doo-wab-di-wab doo-wab-di-wab doo-wab-di-wah.

But change can be good. Every once in awhile you got to get up and move that couch from the corner of the room to the middle or to the back or suspend it from the ceiling, or burn it.

So I decided to move the chair, so to speak, because Blogger made it relatively easy to make blog changes by enabling a “drag-and-drop” features for layout. One might still end up having to search for some HTML help as I did to solve my e-mail problem, at least I think it’s fixed, but making layout changes are now much simpler.

My friend Sally wrote me today on one of my personal accounts to say she is a big fan of head cheese. Being of Polish descent and from the North (Massachusetts), she explained, she likes head cheese made with pig’s feet. Like hogshead, I’ve also never eaten pig’s feet but I think if I had a choice — like I was stranded on an island — between having to subsist on pig’s feet or hogshead I believe the pig’s feet would win hands (or feets) down.

Now if you are wondering how I bolted from blog talk to pig’s feet let me just say, dude, here, anything is possible. No, Sally told me she tried to e-mail me via the address that was in the upper right hand chimney or column of my blog only to have a bounced message “Mailer-daemon” notice. If you are interested in how I solved my problem … well, it doesn’t matter whether you are interested or not. But you knew that. You knew deep down in your heart that I was going to tell you how I solved the problem and nothing short of a catastrophic earthquake or the Rapture would prevent me.

I went back to the same “gadget” or “widget” or “thingamajig” I previously used. But to link with my Hotmail account, I searched Blogger for some HTML mojo I could use within this gadget. Lo and behold, I found it. And, ta-daaa, now mail may be sent through the old mail bag.

Alas, the world is once again safe for pig’s feat head cheese, and thus I have another blog post down. Isn’t the world a great place?

Boudain balls?

I didn’t even know that

boudain had balls.

A talkative fellow I encountered in the grocery store a little while ago asked me a very provocative question as he was hunting for some crawfish boudain.

“You ever have any hogshead cheese?” he asked.

I told him that I couldn’t say as I had. I have had all kinds of mystery meats both at home and abroad but for some reason, I had never given any thought at all to eating hogshead cheese. He told me how one of the Cajun markets in Port Ar-teur (as we used to call Port Arthur, Texas, due to its strong population of Cajun folks)had some magnificent hogshead cheese.

Actually, the area in which I live is considered by many authorities on Cajun life as part of the so-called “Cajun Country.” This is because many Acadian people left life in Southwest Louisiana for nearby Southeast Texas, where shipyards sprung up during World War II and were followed by the multitude of petrochemical plants in this area.

Back to hogshead cheese, or head cheese or whatever you want to call it, the opportunity just never arose in which I either ate or had the chance to eat hogshead cheese. I probably knew what it was before this fellow asked me about my experience with hogshead cheese this afternoon. I just naturally wince at eating any creature’s head. I don’t know why. I say that truthfully, because I’ve eaten mountain oysters, snails, monkey, raccoon, and Bambi, not to mention the more normally accepted animal fare of pig, cow, fish, shellfish, chicken, turkey and last but not least, that curious animal known as the Spam.

Luckily, the guy I was talking to in the store found his crawfish boudain and we thus ended our talk — which started from our autos in the parking lot to inside at the sausage-boudain section. I came back home hungry for information about hogshead cheese. I’m sorry if you are disappointed that I didn’t take the predictable route and said: “Hmmm, I think I’ll try some of that there hogshead cheese.” Here is what I found from Wikipedia:

“Head cheese is in fact not a cheese, but meat slices from the head of a calf or pig (sometimes a sheep or cow), served in aspic, with onion, black pepper, allspice, bayleaf, salt and or vinegar. It may also include meat from the feet, tongue and heart. It is usually eaten cold or at room temperature as a luncheon meat. It is sometimes also known as souse meat, particularly if pickled with vinegar.”

That sounds like and it looks somewhat like Spam, even though that doesn’t make it rise to the level for me to stop what I’m doing, throw the laptop on top of the bed and run back to the store to cop me a pound of head cheese. For one thing, aspic, which “is a dish in which ingredients are set into a gelatin made from a meat stock or consommé. It is also known as cabaret,” is not very appealing to me. Sorry.

So I can’t say if I will ever eat hogshead cheese. I really like boudain, even though it doesn’t have anything to do with hogshead cheese except hogshead cheese is also a favorite among some Cajuns. By the way, I noticed on the Web site for Zummo, which is a local sausage and boudain manufacturer and I guess would have to be my favorite boudain, that the local heart institute at Christus St. Elizabeth Hospital, a block or two away from me, labels Zummo boudain as “heart-healthy food.” That’s always a plus.

I’m hungry so it’s time to sign off. Eat more boudain. As for the hogshead cheese … I am … not so sure.

Equal opportunity satirist Andy Borowitz, who gave us “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air” but I don’t hold that against him, leaves us laughing with:

“Caroline Kennedy Asks to be Time’s ‘Person of the Year'”

The clock is a-tickin’. Time is quickly running out to get that special Christmas gift for that special person. But again and again you run into that same old problem of what to get for the person who seemingly has everything? Well, if that person is a gadget freak who has an iPod, Wii, Xbox, cell phone, GPS, laptop, desktop, table top, box top and ZZ Top, then the ultimate news satire site the Onion has just the right present: a gift box.

Actually, it’s a a gift box for a USB Toaster.

“Now you can take a toaster everywhere you take your laptop. Insert a slice of any bread—white, wheat, even rye—and in 7-9 minutes, you have the kind of perfect toast you could only get from a computer.”

The Onion goes on to admit that it’s a gag gift and quite an innovative one at $7.99. But it wouldn’t surprise me if someone went on to manufacture a toaster that can be operated via computer using a USB cable.

It seems that the notion of a USB Toaster could spur a whole new generation of appliances and gadgets which can be used by plugging it into your nearest computer. Say, for instance: The Compuvac. Want to clean up those fries you inhaled and left scattered across the car while you were simultaneously driving, texting, drinking a grande latte and smoking a Marlboro Light? Then the Compuvac is just for you. Just plug it into your laptop and let ‘er rip.

I’m sure you get the idea. If there is a way for a company to sell just one more technological item that you probably will only use once and then get tired of it, it is likely that item will come out on the market for sale. Then there will be a 2.0 and a 2.0.1 and each will increasingly be more expensive than the last. But you will, nonetheless, buy it. So go right ahead and remember — dilithium crystals not included.

Aren’t lists fun?

It seems like everywhere one turns these days while hurtling down the Internet highway a list can be found. One magazine might feature a list for “Best 50 Cities To Get A Bikini Wax” while another trumpets “Worst 100 Cities To Find A Guy Named Chi Chi.” A reader may begin wondering what is with all the lists? Did I miss some hip trend on the TV news or in the feature section of the newspaper? Is my name Chi Chi and am I wondering just what is a bikini wax? No.

No indeed. Lists are a relatively easy idea for some publication or the other. And we know how much we all love easy. They are fun sometimes though and can be informative.

As for a list I found today on CNN, I am not really sure where it falls. The list is of the 10 healthiest airports published by Health magazine.

When I looked at this list initially I said to myself: “WTF” (What the Fricassee?)This is because airports seem at first glance to be one of the unhealthiest places a person might find themselves. Airports are full of people, often crowded, which may be flying from practically any part of the globe and perhaps carrying every kind of exotic disease known to mankind. Airports are stressful, a heart attack waiting to happen for those who haven’t exercised since Warren G. Harding was president and now is forced to run the mile and a half to the concourse to catch the last flight to Bora Bora.

Nonetheless, Health looked at factors such as airports which contain restaurants serving healthy foods, relaxation zones, and being kid-friendly. Their list named Phoenix Sky Harbor International as No. 1 due to it being a “low-stress experience” for passengers and for serving healthy food such as veggie burritos.

It turns out that I flew in and out, in, or out, of five of the 10 airports. This includes Number 2, Baltimore-Washington International. It said the airport had “soft music and comfortable lighting” at a TSA security checkpoint which is designed to reduce stress. Perhaps I missed that checkpoint.

Chicago O’Hare came in Number 3 being praised for 90 percent of its airports serving “low-fat, fiber-rich, veggie-heavy meals.” The last time I flew to O’Hare was 30 years ago to catch a bus to Great Lakes Naval Station and boot camp. I remember one poor prospective boot being forced to do push-ups in the middle of the airport. Yeah, no stress there. The other healthy airports I have visited were No. 4, 6 and 7 respectively, Detroit, Ronald Reagan Washington National and Dallas Fort Worth International. I was only at Detroit a few minutes. I give National high marks for having a Metro subway station there. And I will say that DF-W has improved in a lot of respects since I first flew there just after it opened 30 years ago.

But healthy? Well, I just can’t vision any of these airports as being healthy. Nevertheless, the top 10 list gave me something to read and write about. And it’s inspired me to do my own top 10 list. Behold the Top 10 Sights One Does Not Want To See While Flying:

1. The ground from a vertical perspective
2. Another plane, up close and personal
3. The Wicked Witch of the West
4. The movie “Alive”
5. The pilot and crew wearing parachutes
6. Flying reindeer
7. Snakes on a plane
8. A mime troupe (I wouldn’t want to see one anywhere, to be honest)
9. A passenger wing-walking
10. Your luggage traveling in the opposite direction