Posted on

The keys to the kingdom and its burdens

This afternoon I was thinking about this old man from my childhood. Harry was the courthouse janitor and he bore a striking resemblance to the Straw Man in The Wizard of Oz.

I suppose it was for the posture as well as the hat that Harry reminded me of Straw Man. Harry was neither cheerful nor was he particularly grumpy. Perhaps weather-beaten or even life-beaten would fit as a better description of this janitor. It wouldn’t have been hard to fault Harry, in retrospect, for appearing either pissed-off or worse-for-wear. After all, he had who knows how many rooms and spaces were his to clean, including the clock tower on top of the old three-story structure as well as the courtrooms, offices and jail cells that were there during that time. Consequently, Harry had a bunch of keys.

Keys are what made me think of this old fellow. He had keys to every thing, every record, every matter and, yes, every miscreant in our county.

Our family was poor back in those days, but we were like the Rockefellers compared to old Harry. A child with less social instinct might have thought  Harry was rich from seeing all the hardware one might find in the shack which housed Harry and his family.

Why in his yard one might find washing machines, and old refrigerators, tires, probably a propeller off a B-29 from World War II, the hood from a Chevrolet that was of an indeterminate age, old transmissions, batteries and assorted odds, ends and dirt. Harry also reminded me a little of the Pigpen character in Peanuts who was always drawn in the cartoon with dirt swirling about him, kind of an opposite of a white tornado.

But no matter how filthy Harry was, and how much crap was in his yard, I was nonetheless envious of those keys. Having been all up and down the stairs of every floor of that courthouse, I knew there must have been tons of secrets that the doors and cabinets and safes held in that place.

Today I drove to Houston and back to switch to a new work car. I had a 2010 Chevy Impala exchanged for a 2014 Cruze. Of course, it had a fancier key fob than I previously possessed. Why I can even start the car remotely. But I have to surround my Cruze keys with my Toyota Tacoma keys as well as the key to my office, key to the office building/elevator, my postal box key, the keys to my storage unit, bicycle lock and a P-32 military can opener that I’ve never been able to shake from my time in the service.

I have spares, of course, so I had to  pair those off with my spare Cruze key. It has developed into quite the ordeal.

Looking back, I thought Harry the janitor must have had some wealth albeit less material than abstract. I should have recognized old Harry probably wasn’t old at all. He may have been my age or even less, though he had surely been burdened down from the life of poor white trash not to mention holder of the keys to the county castle and all it entailed.

Well, I guess thinking in such dimensions, that makes me wealthy. Guess I’ll go jingle my keys and dream of an island with some tanned bathing beauties.

 

Posted on

Scientists: Don’t let your cows drink coffee in Australia

Weather getting you down? “Pig’s arse,” an Australian medical study reveals.

Well, the story about these finding doesn’t use such an Aussie expression to disagree. But stories about health and science seem to pop up every day. Such subjects can also easily confound readers. There seems no shortage of the modern news media publishing the “Researchers say … ” type of medical story. You are no doubt familiar with the type of article. Usually some medical journal, the likes of Prostate Quarterly, announces to the media some study was published in said journal that is the definitive word on some bodily function or condition.

When I see these type stories I always think of that George Carlin bit — permit me to plagiarize myself and the late Mr. Carlin — “Researchers have found that saliva causes stomach cancer. But only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.”

Findings by scientists seem forever questioning the  usefulness or safety of common items like coffee or red meat, or maybe both. I can see my lead now: “

Scientists have discovered that cows which drink more than two cups of coffee daily produce meat that is more likely to keep consumers up late at night.”

Now comes a study published in the journal Arthritis Care and Research which shatters perceptions that the pain noted in numerous old wives tails is caused by something other than the weather. The experiment conducted on some 1,000 patients with low back pain in Sydney during 2011-2012 “compared  the weather at the time patients first felt lower back pain with weather conditions one week and one month before the start of pain,” said an article published in Daily Digest News about the study.

No correlation was found between the weather and lower back pain.

Now I have lower back pain pretty much around the clock. The same goes for neck pain, the latter which is likely caused by bone spurs and a blown disc in my cervical spine. Since I have had surgery twice on my C-spine, including fusion, the doctors say they can only operate on it again in case of an emergency threatening life or limbs. So, I take methadone for that pain. But that doesn’t prevent my neck from having spikes in pain. And, I have found these instances of increased pain in times during nearby low pressure weather systems. For instance, I noticed the pain increased considerably during two of the hurricanes I went through.

The doctor who authored the study makes it clear in the news story that more investigation is needed with weather conditions in concert with certain pain caused by problems including osteoarthritis, rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia.

I might suggest that the researchers also find places outside Sydney for such studies. It seems rather presumptuous, if not foolish, to expect the weather in one part of the world to represent the entire planet. Various conditions control the weather systems of coastal Texas where I live. I would imagine the same could be said for southeastern Australia, although I do remember quite pleasant weather when I visited there some 35 years ago.

I can’t remember weather systems causing pain in Australia but I do remember a bit of a hangover after drinking the local Ouzo and pints of beer one night. Oh, that was Christmas Eve and as I recall, it was a very mild evening.

Posted on

Texas: Dreaming beats actions of nutty governor

Gov. Good Hair is back in the news. Or should I say Republican Texas Gov. Rick “Good Hair” Perry has made the news once more with one of his stupid utterances.

This time the former and perhaps future 2016 candidate for the GOP presidential nomination has a conspiracy theory blaming President Obama for the massive influx of Central American children who have been creating a refugee crisis at the U.S. border. Perry repeated the ridiculous theory he made last week on Fox News to ABC News’ Martha Raddatz on “This Week” Sunday.

 “I have to believe that when you do not respond in any way, that you are either inept, or you have some ulterior motive of which you are functioning from,” Perry said.

Of course Perry didn’t elaborate on his theory. I suppose some cockamamie illegal entry conspiracy hatched by the president is about as possible as North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un getting signed along with his pal Dennis Rodman to a NBA contract. Because that would be the likelihood of such a theory as fact.

It is also no big surprise Good Hair wants permission from the Federal Aviation Administration to put drones on the border. I’m sure Perry also wants those drone armed with Hellfire missiles, or at the very least Vulcan 20-mm cannons. That way he can now operate a fully functioning Texas Department of Public Safety Air Force as well as Navy. Hell, DPS probably has more armament than some Third World nations.

All of this Perry bluster is something he is aiming — sorry for the pun — toward his ultra Tea Party klan. I suppose he failed to look at some of the recent primary election races in which the Teas were beat like rented mules.

I don’t really expect Democratic state Sen. Wendy Davis to win the race for Texas governor although stranger things have happened. Under the “stranger things” department perhaps GOP hopeful Attorney General Greg Abbott may tone down his rhetoric and actions should he win that race for guv. We need a highway patrol again and not a Texas Armed Forces. Not to mention the state will go broke if Abbott files anymore of his ridiculous lawsuits. But then, I’m just dreaming. Dream on little dreamer dream on …

Posted on

From Brazil, the end to the U.S. World Cup ambitions

The real, real end A United States World Cup campaign ends after 121-something minutes of play with Belgium in a 2-1 win over the U.S. or as someone insists it be displayed 1-2. The U.S. guys did really well in this game, obviously not as good as Belgium. Where is Belgium anyway? France? OMG!!!! No, I know where it is. It is in Louisiana. No seriously, I’m just playing … with Louisiana. More seriously, Belgium did well. The U.S. did well. The U.S. of A. played a great World Cup. Perhaps this will elevate soccer even more in our nation. It seems as if this U.S. team has already produced a lot of excitement just during these past few games. And why not? It’s an exciting game, and especially when it is played with exciting players. So for all those little ones who want to grow up to be big players like Clint Dempsey or Tim Howard, be exciting! Oh, I don’t know what happened to my formatting below. I would cut it, except it would require more explaining and I am tired of explaining. …. So good night from Brazil. Uh, goodnight from Beaumont, Texas.

This was from “live blogging” the game. It’s kind of anti-climatic now. Believe me.

But maybe not The U.S. has scored a goal after 106 minutes of play. It’s still a game until it’s not. If the US is some how able to pull off a win, or a shoot out, Goalie Tim Howard will be the real hero with 16 saves so far. Heading toward the real end Belgium has scored two goals here in the 30 minutes of the extra time. 0-2 Belgium. No wonder zipper lady likes to pounce upon soccer. I shouldn’t call her names just because I think she is a lunatic. Technically the End Now we have ended a 90-plus minute period. It’s still 0-0, but this time we’ll have more time, some 30 more minutes more or less. AAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH. I HATE THIS GAME!!!! Just kidding. Not like that human zipper with the blond hair hates this game. I will not mention her name because even on a barely read blog such as mine, it would still give her publicity. That won’t happen. I really like watching the World Cup. So, go U.S. …….. The Beginning World Cup from Brazil. No I’m not there. I’m here. Wherever here might be. But the U.S. and Belgium teams are tied 0-0 at halftime. Or if you wish, 0-0. ………

Posted on

A low-budget jury?

This morning I got up got shaven got dressed went downtown and sat through jury enpanelment for almost an hour. Myself and maybe more than 150 citizens of my county will get the grand total of $6 for our trouble. Some 40 prospective jurors were selected for the county’s criminal court. They will receive $40 for at least one day of service if they are picked for an actual jury. The same amount goes for any additional day of service.

The district clerk said this was an unusual occurrence. Originally the clerk was tasked with selecting four different jury panels of 40 people. Her problem is usually having a sufficient number of citizens to fill the panels. Jefferson County District Clerk Jane Birge was appointed to the post after the death of longtime clerk Lolita Ramos in October 2013.

The selection process this morning proceeded much faster than I had originally imagined after the clerk told us how we were file our of our seats in order that our jury number might be scanned. At the same time we picked up a sheet which we could sign in order to donate our $6, or more, to a statewide victims fund and a countywide foster care fund.

Most likely there are ways that the process might flow even faster. I don’t expect Ms. Birge to tackle changes to hasten and perhaps even save money in jury enpanelment. The district clerk said she had no intent of running for the office after her unexpired term expires in January 2015. I can’t blame her for that. Who needs the headache?

I hope that whomever the people elect to this office will take a look at how this jury selection process can be streamlined. I don’t know what rules govern this process, but it doesn’t hurt to at least attempt constructing a better mousetrap. Our lives are full and busy these days. I’d say that even the least paid of us is worth more than $6 an hour.

Likewise we must feed our jury pool. When we think of voting we most likely consider the higher offices such as our lawmakers our district attorneys the sheriffs the judges. But down ballot races are the so-called meat and potatoes of our local democracy.

I’m done preaching and writing with as little punctuation possible just to see what the latter feels like for writers employing such styles the likes of Cormac McCarthy. In the meantime I will sit and imagine what all that $6 for my service today might buy me.