Little football for Texans but a lot of soap

What in the Sam Hill Freaking Yankee Doodle Dandy is going on with my alleged pro football team a.k.a. the Houston Texans?

Their eighth loss in a row to Oakland was the most pathetic of the team’s recent disasters. That is saying quite a bit because the Texans had their head coach back from a mini-stroke, although he did his stuff from way high above Reliant Stadium in the press box.

Even former starting QB Matt Schaub came back in the second half. He had what would have been a winning toss to one of the first Texans and best damn wide receiver in the universe, Andre Johnson, but it didn’t work out. It did result in a sideline tiff between Schaub and Johnson. Ever cool Johnson left the game to cool down as the Raiders were taking the winning knees. Johnson, of course, downplayed the spat. Kiss and make up? Don’t want to think about it.

Coach Gary Kubiak said rookie QB Case Keenum will start against next week’s game with Jacksonville. Keenum, who lets his balls (footballs) all hang out is fun to watch but that doesn’t always get the job done.

So what will happen next on “As The Texans Turns?” (“Or As Texans Fans Stomachs Turn.”) Will Schaub and Johnson make up? Oh man, don’t want to think about it. Will Keenum win his first start as a NFL quarterback? Will Wade Phillips take over for Gary Kubiak as head coach. Stay tuned. (Organ music please.)