A Christmas test

Okay. Here is one of those tests, almost like a list except you don’t have to flip through it time after time.

Since everyone is hopped up on Christmas and mistletoe, I thought I would quiz you on Christmas randomness or Random Christmasness. Or something or the other. Don’t be fooled though. Some of these questions may have nothing to do about Christmas. You can see the answers at the bottom of the page.

1. Donner:

a. Sometimes is mistaken for Alfred Packer.

b. Is a reindeer who comes from the North Pole pulling a sleigh.

c. Is part of the name “Donner and Blitzen,” which is a Christmastime beverage featuring reindeer milk and grain alcohol.

d. Was the name of a TV detective show starring James Garner.

2. While Shepherd’s … :

a. Is the beginning of an old Christmas Carol named “While Shepherd’s Watched Their Flocks By Night.”

b. Is how an old Irish folk song about laundry done by shepherds around Christmas bonfires that begins: “While shepherds washed their socks at night … ”

c. ” … beauty was incredible her acting skills left the audience puzzled,” proclaimed an early review by The New York Times of Cybil Shepherd’s film work in “The Last Picture Show.”

d. ” … dogs barked pa-rum-pa-pum-pum ” is a line from “The Little Drummer Boy.”

3. “Grandma got run over by a … ” goes an obnoxious Christmas-season tune.

a. Freight Train

b. Black Friday shopper

c.  Tank Driven By GI Joe

d. Reindeer

4. “Don we now our gay apparel.”

a. Is a gay pick up line at Santa’s Place, a Manhattan bar.

b. Is a line from “Deck the Halls.”

c. Is said at the opening of the Gay Alliance of San Francisco.

d. Was used by Fruit of the Loom during their “Happy Undies” campaign.

5. Santa Claus:

a. Sees you when you’re sleeping.

b. He knows when you’re awake.

c. He knows if you’ve been bad or good.

d. So be good for goodness sake, all of the above.

6. The War on Christmas:

a. Is a farce exhibited by the conservatives.

b. Was fought in Flanders fields.

c. Is a Christmas toy battle put on by combatants of Mattel Toys.

d. Uses uranium shells.

7. “I Saw Momma Kissing Santa Claus” is a song that implies:

a. Momma is cheating on their Daddy.

b. Momma is delusional and probably her kids are as well.

c. Santa Claus is really Daddy because Momma is kissing him.

d. The children are thankful that Momma isn’t kissing reindeer.

8. “City sidewalks, busy sidewalks, dressed in holiday style:”

a. “In the air there’s a feeling of Christmas.”

b. “All the thugs are stealing our Christmas presents.”

c. “Come tomorrow we’ll be cleaning the crap once again.”

d. “In the air there’s a feeling of tear gas.”

9. Christmas time comes but once … :

a. The money’s gone.

b. A millennium.

c. A week.

d. A year.

10.  The popular Christmas song released in Spanish in 1970 by Puerto Rican singer José Feliciano is named:

a. “Feliz Navidad’

b, “Feliz el Gato.”

c. “Feliz dos tequilas.”

d. “Feliz Feliciano.”

Answers: 1) b. 2) a. 3)d. 4)b. 5)d. 6)a. 7)c. 8)a. 9)d. 10) a.