A happy 2013. May your new year be just as stupid as 2012.

It is difficult to tell whether a deal on the “fiscal cliff” will prevail in Congress or the nation will fall over that proverbial peak leaving millions with tax increases and some even without jobs. More and more it look as if the latter will prevail, at least for a day or two. I think Congress is waiting to see if the stock market crashes to decide what to do. What a way to run a country!

To top it all off, we are entering into a new year with much of the same which to look forward in 2013. I will probably see the new year with the same cold or flu which has kicked me in the butt for a couple of days now. Enough of that.

Here is to a better 2013. Here is to feeling better. Here is for the nation to do better. And here is to more laughs. We don’t seem to get enough real laughs. Below are some headlines — supposedly “Actual Newspaper Headlines,” I found the list while rummaging through storage the other day. I have no idea from where these nuggets originated. It is just a list on a piece of paper. So I am copying from the list to pass along in case you are in need of a chuckle.

A note about newspaper headlines. I only wrote headlines, for the most part, for several years while serving as editor of a small weekly. For the rest of my career as a reporter and columnist, various copy editors would compose the headlines. Even so, I still would end up getting chewed up and spit out by the reading public who felt as if they needed an ass on which to chew. With that said, here we go with a few of our greatest headlines:

  • Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
  • Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
  • Farmer Bill Dies in House
  • Stud Tires Out
  • Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
  • Eye Drops Off Shelf
  • Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
  • Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
  • Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
  • Miners Refuse to Work After Death
  • Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
  • Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One
  • War Dims Hope for Peace
  • If Strike isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
  • Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
  • Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
  • Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
  • New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
  • Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
  • Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
  • Local High School Drop Outs Cut In Half
  • Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
  • Include Your Children When Baking Cookies

Yes, include your children in practically any meal. When cooking black-eyed peas for your New Year’s luck and prosperity, don’t forget the kiddos! Have a very happy New Year and remember on that first check of the year, write 2013, or just to be a smart ass, pen MMXIII.




If you have found a spelling error, please, notify us by selecting that text and pressing Ctrl+Enter.