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They came for diplomacy and a basketball game broke out

Had you been reading my blog over the past week instead of looking on the Internets at pictures of nekkid men, women and dogs you would know this is the definitive source for news in the isolated Communist nation North Korea. Well, maybe not definitive. Not even exhaustive. I suppose you could say I look at the nation’s goofy state Web page every now and then.

I had no idea why former NBA star and all-around strange dog Dennis Rodman was in North Korea on a self-appointed goodwill tour with ruler and new BFF Kim Up Chuck. No wait, it’s Kim Jong Un, mighty ruler of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, the DPRK. I never really learned in my minor study of political science how communist nations fell into the oxymoronic practice of calling themselves “democratic republics.” Or maybe I did and just forgot it. I notice that I say that a lot. But I digest digress.

Former Chicago Bull Dennis Rodman on a red hair day. Photo copyrighted by Steve Lipofsky, Basketball.com and Wikimedia Commons.
Former Chicago Bull Dennis Rodman on a weird hair day. Photo copyrighted by Steve Lipofsky, Basketball.com and Wikimedia Commons.

The Rodman goodwill tour got off to a grand start with Kim and Rodman having a gay old time watching a Harlem Globetrotters game. No inference is to be drawn from “gay old time,” mind you. The outing went spectacularly until the Globetrotters pulled that old trick where they end up throwing a bucket full of confetti at the crowd after missing another player. It is a move designed to make those in the audience feel as if they are about to get drenched with the bucket’s content. Even after the 20,000th time the prank is played by the barnstorming team it is funny. However, the team must have forgotten they were in North Korea and when the designated Globetrotter threw out the confetti  from the bucket at Rodman and Kim, the unfortunate player was gunned down by plain clothes (very, very plain) security men belonging to Kim.

The above paragraph didn’t happen except that Kim and Rodman did attend a Globetrotters’ game. Forgive me, I just emerged from my hyperbolic chamber. And since this post is No. 3,200 for Eight Feet Deep, I feel we are given a little license to exaggerates a bit (and use bad grammah !) Wow, I’m all combobulated and s**t.

I searched my favorite North Korean news source, “News From Korean Central News Agency” a.k.a. “Korean News Service” for in-depth coverage of the Rodman goodwill tour, but I was disappointed to find only this brief:

 DPRK, U.S. Basketball Players Have Joint Training

Pyongyang, February 27 (KCNA) — Basketball players of the DPRK and the U.S. conducted a joint training in Ryugyong Jong Ju Yong Gymnasium here on Wednesday.

Participating in it were U-18 players of the DPRK and ex-player of the NBA of the U.S. Dennis Rodman and his party.

Match tactics, training mode and technique movement of the players of the two countries were exchanged at the joint training.

A workshop on basketball technique took place that day.

I bet when Dennis Rodman sees this his feelings will be hurt. After all, the Basketball legend buffoon Hall of Fame player reportedly told Kim: “You have a friend for life.” Of course, in North Korea, life is very fleeting. I suppose one has to take whatever they can get when it comes to basketball diplomacy between the likes of Kim and Rodman.

 

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Off for Beautiful Day Holiday

It’s a beautiful day out here in the city of Beaumont, Texas. Our official motto is: “If you ever drove 1-10 from Houston to New Orleans you’ve been through our fair city. And if you’ve carried a ton of dope on that route, you may even have been busted here!”

The skies are clear, the wind is gusty. It’s just a typical late February day and almost March when any kind of weather can happen. Be that as it may, I thought I would take the day off from blogging and take a little walk. Barring unforeseen circumstances, perhaps even the seen ones, I should be back tomorrow, same bat channel.

Blue skies among the woods of Southeast Texas on this February day.
Blue skies among the woods of Southeast Texas on this February day.
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What to call the ex-Pope, Sequestration woes, and thanks for all the fish

Today brought a little relief for me. First, I found out that my bunch won’t be getting the old sequestration up the butt, at least no furloughs, and at least for now. That is, of course, if sequestration comes knocking Friday, as it seems to be headed that way. At any rate I can now rest until next month until the next manufactured crisis and threats from the Tea Party emerge once more to shut down the government.

And relief for all those others who have been frantically worrying … we now know what the Pope will be called once he retires. Are you ready? He will be called Ben Bernanke. No, just kidding. He will be called Benedict XVI, Pope Emeritus. I don’t know if I could sleep at night if I didn’t know what to call the pope after he sails off into the sunset in his little Ex-Pope Sailboat named the “Così lungo. E ringrazia per tutto il pesce.”  Look it up in one of the online translators and only if you are a friend of Douglas Adams.

I find humor in strange places. Under the bed. Under the table. Under water. Underground. Undercover. Really, I’ve never been undercover, in the TV police style. I participated in a surveillance once of someone, who someone else, thought that the first someone might torch his house. Stake-out! In a hotel room, no less. Maybe I will tell you about it sometime, if I haven’t already.

Seriously, although it looks as if I may have dodged the sequestration bullet, hundreds of thousands, perhaps, will likely not. The Republican Tea Party Boys and Girls in the House are patting themselves on the back for all the cut dollars. Meanwhile, the more established of the GOP House members are, as my Daddy used to say,  “Sweating like a whore in church.” These wise men know that if Sequestration takes place, and then the closure of government later on, it will cause an economic disaster. Our unemployment numbers were finally going the right way. Some folks are even seeing a healthy economy emerge. But when you have thousands go without work, for even a day, that represents money not spent. It doesn’t take an economist to figure all this stuff out.

It’s so terribly depressing. But at least we know what to call the Pope after he retires. Aren’t you glad? I know I am certainly relieved, and I am not even Catholic.

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Communist North Korea says see ya to “pent-up grudge and resentment”

Congratulations Park Geun-hye! Park, as she is called, is the new South Korean president and being a she, likewise, rules as that peninsular nation’s first woman head of state. If her name rings a bell, that is because her father, Park Chung-hee, was the namesake of the popular Korean dish consisting of half-hatched robin eggs and which became a fanatical San Francisco treat. No, I’m just bulls__ting you! Park Sr. became the third South Korean president a couple of years after he took power in a 1961 coup.

Political dynasties are nothing new to Eastern governments just as they are no novelty here in the United States. Here we have the Adams Family, I speak of John and John Quincy, not the ones who are “creepy and they’re kooky.” Plus, Americans have the Bushes, George H.W., and his sometimes idiot offspring, George W., (or Gee Dubya) The latter also took office in a coup of sorts, having won his first election after a Republican majority in the nominally non-partisan Supreme Court declared George the Younger the winner of the 2000 presidential election.

I thought it would be interesting to hear what those razor-blade sharp, wordsmiths at the Korean Central News Agency (KNS) of the DPRK had to say about the first woman ruling the nation to the South. DPRK, by the way, stands for “Commie North Korea.”

As it turns out, the North Koreans haven’t finished bashing the last president. That, or they have yet to figure out that She Park Jr. is the new ruler. Get a load of this “op-ed” piece from Rodong Sinmun, blasting the former South Korean president, Lee Myung-bak. As it turns out, Rodong Sinmum is the official organ for the DPRK communist party and is plenty bizarre in its own right. The paper takes swipes at Lee, as he was known as a hardliner toward North Korea during his often controversial term in office from 2008 until today, when Ms. Park took over. Here Rodong says what it really feels:

“The successive rulers of south Korea without exception pursued a policy of sycophancy and dependence towards outside forces, betraying the nation. But, Lee put all other traitors into the shade in servility, base nature and treachery …  “All Koreans will never pardon Lee for his flunkeyism and treachery but mete out a stern punishment to him with pent-up grudge and resentment.”

Let’s see now, what is the best way to wound a hated “traitor?” Okay, how about punishing him with pent-up grudge and resentment. No doubt such feelings are likely not in short supply in a nation such as the DPRK, where only freedom of expression is in shorter supply that food.

KNS also shows its softer side. For instance, here is a report on a national festival known as “Full Moon Day.”

  “Pyongyang, February 24 (KCNA) — Full Moon Day, which falls on February 24 this year, is one of the traditional holidays for the Koreans.

  “People in the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea enjoyed the day pleasantly, delighted with the recent successful third nuclear test.

  “Restaurants throughout the country, including Okryu and Chongryu restaurants in Pyongyang and Sinhung Restaurant in Hamhung, served varieties of special national dishes.

  “People took noodles and dishes made of nine kinds of dried edible herbs, while playing such folklore amusement games as Korean chess and yut-game with family members, relatives and neighbors.”

What a glorious day for North Koreans to celebrate! Soon, the full moon arrives:

   “As it is getting dark, citizens are seen enjoying the first full moon on Moran Hill and banks of the River Taedong in Pyongyang, Inphung Pavilion in Kanggye, Yaksandongdae in Nyongbyon and other scenic spots of the country.

  “Kim Nam Sik, a 54-year-old man who climbed Moran Hill to see the full moon, told KCNA:

  “”From olden times, the Koreans would tell their desire for the year to the first full moon, wishing that their desire would come into reality.

  “It is my desire that the DPRK, a satellite manufacturing and launching state and a full-fledged nuclear state, always remains as a powerful nation any other countries dare not provoke.””

Such a great holiday. Where else but North Korea can one celebrate the beauty of nature combined with the joy of one’s nation becoming a supposed “full-fledged nuclear state?” Yes, we wish Ms. Park Jr. all the luck in the world as she assumes the presidency. Having a nutty neighbor with a nuclear weapon, it would seem South Korea needs all the luck in the world. Perhaps even the rest of the world needs that much luck as well.

 

 

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Top 5 restaurant annoyances to this restaurant customer

It is skill-sharpening time as we wait to hear any recent news about the “Big S.” I speak of Sequestration, a.k.a. the “Big Stupidity.” It seems Web sites are continually looking for “Top 10” or “Top 5” of something or other. Good ones: “Top 10 hamburger joints in your city.” Bad ones: “The Top 5 Worst Stomach Ailments.” So, here I go on a Friday afternoon, sharpening my Web writing skills, just flinging off a Top 5 at whatever comes to mind. Hmm. Let’s see. How about

Top 5 Annoyances By Restaurant Workers

Most people like to just “eat” in a restaurant. Certain restaurants are made for activities other than merely eating such as Chuck E. Cheese for kids and Hooters for, well, big kids. Fast food places are for fast food and one expects a little discomfort at such establishments. Customers can ruin a good meal in just about any dining spot with rude behavior such as incessant talking on the cell phone or those who let their children run wild. But the biggest annoyances I often encounter come from some of the restaurant workers themselves. So here are a few things which will certainly make me consider leaving a less-than-stellar tip:

1. Employee yells out someone else’s order just as you prepare to order your own food. I am a rather soft-spoken person and sometimes people will ask me to repeat what I’ve said because they can’t hear me. I’m not particularly fond of that either. But yesterday at Jason’s Deli, one of my favorite places, this very sin came from a worker who stood next to the cashier yelling out food orders that could be heard 30 miles out in the Gulf of Mexico. Now I cut them some slack because it is always somewhat noisy on the prep line at Jason’s. Still, I shouldn’t have to compete with a yell leader in placing my order.

2. Employee tells you “No Problem” when you thank him or her for doing their job. Now it isn’t so bad when an employee such as a waiter or order-taker goes out of their way to help you. But just in the normal course of their job, you say: “Thanks” and they say: “No problem.” That makes it sound as if what I asked for was really a problem. Don’t like that at all.

3. An employee gets indignant if you complain about your order. Your server comes back with a big plate of french fries and you wanted a salad. “But, you are getting a big bunch of fries,” explains the haughty 17-year-old server, as if you had stomped on and destroyed the teen’s cell phone. Jeez Louise.

4. An employee shows up after taking your order only to present you with your check. Uh, a little more iced tea would have been nice. About 45 minutes ago!

5. An employee asks you how you are doing every five minutes. That is, of course, the inverse of No. 4.

Well, as you can see I seem to be a difficult customer. But I really am not. That is, not as long as you take my order correctly, serve it to me in a reasonable time period, check back once or twice to see how I am doing and are not yammering loudly anywhere in my immediate vicinity. If you have that down, we will  get along fine and you will get your 20 percent or more. And believe me when I say that it is, no problem.