Get the gator oil, all you fine young cannibals. The ‘skeeters’ have gone wild.

Early French and Spanish explorers who punched their clocks and set out to ramble through the upper Gulf Coast of Texas left stories of encountering fierce and, at times, foul-smelling natives.

These Indians, some of whom were named the Atakapa, were said to eat their enemies which is only understandable given the band’s name was a Choctaw derivative for the word “man-eater.” The foul-smelling part — something one might handle in exchange for not being dinner — was from alligator and other types of animal grease and oil to ward off mosquitoes.

The chemical mixture DEET would certainly work just as well as alligator oil, one would assume, yet I had no idea yesterday morning when I left home and crossed the Neches River for Orange that I would be swarmed by mosquitoes. I mean, it’s February, you know.

The salt marsh mosquito. Look for the white-banded legs. Yeah. Photo - Jefferson County Mosquito Control District

My part-time work requires casual business attire of which I am relatively certain one would find unattractive with a heavy smearing of alligator oil. Now I could have found alligators with a little scouting yesterday, as I was in Orange County, Texas. The county bordering southern Louisiana has plenty of marshes and an abundance of river bottom, the latter due to the county being bordered to the west by the Neches River and on the east by the Sabine. Although one might find an alligator with a bit of hunting it doesn’t mean that one should just walk up to one of the fearsome-looking and rather dangerous reptiles, stick in an oil spout and expect the gator’s bodily fluids to freely flow. Or at least that wouldn’t happen without a serious tussle with the animal.

Of course, stopping into a corner store and purchasing a can of Off for an inflated price would be a lot simpler solution and one much safer than trying to drill for alligator oil. Yet I didn’t plan to stay out of my car for a very long period of time so why bother with the time and money spent? Well, maybe to prevent having the mosquitoes bite the crap out me would be one consideration.

The upper Texas coast and that of Southern Louisiana is currently experiencing an outbreak of mosquitoes due to the drought-relieving rains and warm winter weather of late. Being bitten by swarming mosquitoes isn’t a pleasant experience. I know, because the damn things have bitten me all my life growing up in Southeast Texas. But their bite also isn’t like the sting of a wasp or yellow-jacket. I’ve had more than my share of those bites too.

Growing up, I used to sit enthralled seeing the city’s red Jeep come through my neighborhood with a fogger in the back of the vehicle puffing out great clouds of DDT. Sometimes kids would jump up and follow behind the Jeep and its magic skeeter-slaughtering clouds. Of course, we knew nothing of the harmful effects which we would learn later about the chemical. Then again, neither did we know much — or at least think much — about the diseases spread by the pesky little mosquitoes.

Stories of malaria were, to me, just another war story my Uncle Ted told about his time during World War II landings in the Pacific islands. Yellow fever was a disease that killed a bunch of folks building the Panama Canal. As I got a little older in childhood I started hearing stories about “sleeping sickness” which mostly killed horses but would take a little kid’s life every now and then. It would be much later that I heard of “West Nile Virus” and just how much havoc the mosquito once wreaked upon our area of the Texas Gulf Coast and the world at large. For instance:

For a little historic perspective, about 100 residents of Beaumont and Sabine Pass — in my county — died from an 1862 outbreak of Yellow Fever. The late Southeast Texas historian W.T. Block wrote that the epidemic emanated from a Civil War blockade runner that had made it into the estuary of Sabine Pass.

If there is good news about the influx of skeeters as of late it is that most are the pesky “salt marsh” mosquito which are not carriers of West Nile. The Jefferson County Mosquito Control District says the medium-sized brown mosquitoes are distinguished with white bands on their legs. The mosquitoes are

 ”  … very aggressive biters, both day and night. The eggs are deposited in rice fields, fallow fields, & pastures in any depression that will hold water, including hoof prints. These mosquitoes are attracted to Beaumont and other areas in the western half of the county by the glow of lights at night, which are easily seen from as far away as Fannett or China (Texas) We try to intercept these mosquitoes on the edge of town as they migrate in. Residents can do nothing to help us control this species.”

Personally, I try not to look at the mosquitoes any longer than it takes to swat or smash them. I therefore don’t search for bands on their legs. Also fortunate, they seem to be pretty slow and are pretty easy to slap away.

On the list of supplies to take along on my next trip for work will be the can of Off. I can it place the needed spray in the trunk right next to that cold-weather blanket that I don’t need. I guess if all else fails, perhaps then might be the time to search for a gator.

 

 

State legislatures in the U.S.: Only those with pea-sized brains need apply

Remember Mr. Peabody and Sherman? They were the cartoon characters in the “Peabody’s Improbable Tales” segment of the popular 1960s “The Bullwinkle Show.” The fictional Mr. Peabody was a dog, who along with his “boy” Sherman, would revisit history in the WABAC (pronounced “wayback”) machine which resulted in some awry version of a historical event.

Alas, some state legislatures — especially those conquered or heavily influenced by recent Republican waves — are producing laws which seem as if they were the result of a trip in some WABAC machine. Some legislation passed by GOP-led state houses are more in step with Colonial America than the U.S.A. of present. Sometimes one wonders if the neo-Puritan Republicans seek a return to the good old days of the 17th century when a man who dissed the Sabbath by kissing his wife, after returning from three years at sea, would get several hours in the stocks. Such was the time that men might also find themselves a bit “taller” after being stretched by the pillory for such offenses as slander, drunkenness or fortune-telling.

Here are some examples of what “enlightened” state houses are passing these days for the betterment of its citizens:

  • Let’s say you are a junior high school teacher in Arizona and you have just had the crap beaten out of you by several of your darling little students. That’s bad, of course. But if a law being considered is passed, make sure your sudden, unexpected pain does not cause you to utter one of the words considered obscene by the Federal Communications Commission. You know, those words such as s**t or f**k! Arizona State Sen. Lori Klein — the same smart person who pointed a gun at a reporter last year while demonstrating a laser sight during an interview — has introduced a law prohibiting teachers from using such dirty words in front of students. While it is common sense not to talk dirty to students, it would be tempting to call the “brainy” senator a dumb f**king b***h upon her pointing a gun at someone in an attempt to be clever.
  • Florida lawmakers are setting in motion a bill that would give them immunity from having to testify or turn over documents in lawsuits. Lawmakers who proposed the law say its timing has nothing at all to do with a lawsuit filed against redistricting that was done with clear Republican advantage. Oh no, wouldn’t do that. Not at all.
  • GOP members of the Virginia House of Delegates passed a bill that would define human life beginning at conception, not at birth. The Republicans of the Oklahoma Senate have okayed a similar bill. Critics of such “personhood” laws believe passage of similar legislation could cause restrictions or even bans on use of contraceptives. Why not go a step farther? How about banning that 1st drink you take about five or six hours before … Oh, and maybe they should consider banning those “Daisy Duke” shorts and halter tops while they’re at it. I’m sure they wear those somewhere in Virginia and, if not, I know they do in Muskogee.

It is fully expected that states such as those aforementioned will also be passing laws soon in which the minimum requirement for election to state government requires the candidate to possess no larger than a pea-sized brain. Such legislation will no doubt ensure continued domination of state legislatures and offices by Republican party members.

 

A cautionary tale about walking across interstate highways, as if such caution was necessary.

A traffic jam greeted me after work this afternoon just as I was exiting Interstate 10 for 11th Street. Our city is 80 miles from Houston but we have no amenities such as traffic updates on the radio telling us what’s ahead or where we should detour.

It was rather automatic, though, that I knew any kind of major accident in the general vicinity of where I was at the time would have major traffic repercussions. That is because right past my exit is a “Y” in which traffic may either continue west toward Houston on I-10 or north toward the Beaumont shopping district and the ‘burbs of Hardin County as well as the Pineywoods of East Texas on U.S. Hwys. 69/96/287. The first and last road will also take you to Minnesota and Montana, respectively. The middle one ends in Tenaha, Texas, for whatever reason.

That is a very troubling interchange normally, mainly between say 4-6 p.m. This is mainly because the “rush hour” traffic not going toward Houston is caught up in a mess due to several reasons, not the least being that the three highways and those feeders in its vicinity are obsolete when near Parkdale Mall and the large shopping area built around it. All the surrounding roads there have much more traffic than they can handle. Should a major accident occur within the city limit on either I-10 or the “Eastex Freeway,” as the confluence of highways is called, a bottleneck is likely to take place.

Setting the stage for what can happen with traffic when an accident happens on either freeway, there is also the possibility that someone could be seriously or even fatally injured. That is apparently what was causing the big bottleneck this afternoon as I drove to the crib from work.

Preliminary police and media reports indicate a woman was struck by an 18-wheeler while attempting to cross Interstate 10. This was a fairly short distance from where I stay. The reports say the woman received serious or perhaps even critical injuries.

I have no idea how often people are struck by motor vehicles while they are trying to cross interstate highways but even one is too many. It should be needless to say that it is a very dangerous feat to attempt. I’ve done it more than I ever wanted to do or should have done when I would access a wreck scene while working as a reporter. This was on Interstate 35 in Central Texas. I would not have even attempted such crossings had not traffic been considerably slowed by the wrecks. The cops always expected us, whether they liked it or not. I would always wait to cross in front of an 18-wheeler because they were crawling along at the slowest speeds of all oncoming traffic. I also would wait for a TV reporter and their camera person to cross and would then walk across to their left, leaving them closest to the truck-tractor. Obviously, if a truck was to hit them, then perhaps they’d provide a little buffering for me. I mean, they were always stealing our newspaper stories anyway. So …

Yes, I realize I am being a bit flippant here and I don’t mean to be so at the expense of the person who was struck. Still, these type of auto-pedestrian accidents like many such mishaps are avoidable. So let us just leave this where it is as a cautionary tale. Interstate highways can be dangerous enough without trying to cross them on foot.

 

To make your silly season complete: Rick Santorum

Holy mackerel! Polls are showing a lead for GOP presidential candidate Rick Santorum over Mitt Romney. What was it the Mayans said about 2012?

Santorum is really the cure for what ails the Republicans. The GOP expresses in the language of silly and Santorum is about as silly as a jackass wearing a sweater vest. Wait! That is Santorum wearing the sweater vest. Odd wardrobe choice, dude.

It’s not just that Santorum is an over-the-top theocrat, or that he practices politico-religious hypocrisy to the pinnacle. He is also just, well, strange. Watching Santorum is like looking at a man who feels uncomfortable with himself until he is set up to do what he was trained for over and over. Whatever that is beats me. He has communication skills or he wouldn’t have come this far but it seems he is worried every step he makes on the way to the podium is paved with elephant dung.

The trouble I see with Santorum is that he appears as a man poised between two cliffs. One is mountain of corporate corruption and political treachery, and the other is sanctimony and bigotry. But other than that, said Mrs. Lincoln, the play was just fine.

On the bright side, Santorium would make a great vice presidential candidate in the mold of Dan Quayle. Can you spell p-o-t-a-t-o? Santorum and Quayle could have been joined at the hip although a freak show would not be a lock-in to get the Republican elected president either.

The Democrats would definitely be handed a gift-wrapped early Christmas present if the President faced Santorum in the General. I just can’t see how Santorum could make it by the Democratic voter even with a strong GOP vice presidential candidate. But, never say never. The American electorate have made some goofy choices over the history of our nation. Why I am sure most of you remember Gee Dubya Bush don’t ya’ll?

This has been a pre-to-early primary season for the fortune of GOP candidates shooting up and down the political pike. It’s not over yet. We have a number of primaries to go, plus the General Election. We shall see a season of intrigue everywhere with Republicans finding an illegal alien with a fake ID card under every voting booth. Stay tuned for the silliest season yet!

 

Sir Paul. You know, the Beatles, you twit!

From last night’s Grammys, sadly, I can believe all this Twittering.

“The End” literally was the best part of the Grammys with Paul McCartney finishing off the end of “Abbey Road” Side Two by joining a guitar solo jam with Bruce Springsteen, Joe Walsh of the Eagles, the Foo Fighters’ Dave Grohl.

Not Beatles related, I found out on the Grammys who Taylor Swift was and saw why she is so freaking popular. The performance of her hit composition and Grammy winner, “Mean” was pretty electrifying. The 22-year-old Pennsylvania girl has got it. And picks a banjo too.