Author: Dick

There is mucho weeping, wailing and the gnashing of dientes in the wake of the Senate immigration bill collapsing like a cheap pinata.

Sen. Jeff Sessions, R-Ala., has been one of the critics of any immigration reform that would result in what he terms as “amnesty.” Thus he voted against Thursday’s measure.

“Our analysis was that it would result in 8.7 million more people in the next 20 years here illegally,” said the Alabama senator, adding, “There just aren’t that many American power-washing and roofing jobs to take in the additional influx. Maybe the Mexicans should find themselves a new niche like the Pakistanis and their convenience stores.”

CNN’s Lou Dobbs wept with joy when he heard the reform package fails. He is an advocate for rounding up all 12-20 million illegal immigrants in the United States and throwing them out of airplanes over the Indian Ocean. Dobbs said he hopes at the very least that Congress will pass legislation that will fund building a fence made of steel 1-foot thick and 300 feet tall around the entire boundary of the continental United States. Not only does this include the U.S. borders with Mexico and Canada but those bordered by oceans and gulfs as well.

Immigration reform is a very big issue in America at the moment. Laura Ingraham said so this very morning on her popular talk radio show “Bludgeon the Bleeding Heart Liberals.”

A caller from Georgia to Ingraham’s show said the immigration problem is causing her to have irregular menstrual periods. Another caller said the influx of brown men and women across the border is responsible for his genital herpes.

It seems that 80 percent of the country is sitting around each day consumed in thoughts of how bad the illegal immigration situation truly is.

Jean Smaltzer, a woman on the street in Anywhere, U.S.A., said the one byproduct of the illegal immigration is that tacos are now the cheapest food in the nation. The glut is causing Taco Bell to give away their tacos. A Taco Bell spokesman said the company plans to concentrate on selling coffee from mall kiosks.

Somewhat of an answer came which was in response to a question I posed to the Texas Department of Public Safety. The online query concerned my friend having to show his Social Security card before his license could be renewed. The kicker was that he was renewing his DL online. Thus a trip to the long lines of the DPS Driver License office in this case rather negates the convenience of renewing online. I had mentioned in my online query to DPS that last year when I renewed my DL online I was not required to show my Social Security.

Here was the reply from Tela Mange, the chief spokeswoman for the DPS:

“Over the past several years, we have been asking folks who are renewing to show their Social Security card if we did not have a record of the number (this is something required by federal law). It’s probable that we didn’t ask for yours last year because we already had it.”

I can’t ever remember being asked for my Social Security card to renew or to make a change of address on my driver license. That is with a driving history of 36 years.

It isn’t that I have a problem with showing the DPS my Social Security card even though that number has been used in records ranging from tax returns and college to it being my “serial” or service number in the military. And it would seem the DPS would be privy to some of these records. The SSN leaves quite a long trail.

Also, it is by no means surprising that such a requirement is a federally-mandated one. “We need to see your papers comrade!”

Of course, Catch 22!

Yossarian: Ok, let me see if I’ve got this straight. In order to be grounded, I’ve got to be crazy. And I must be crazy to keep flying. But if I ask to be grounded, that means I’m not crazy anymore, and I have to keep flying.

This brings to mind my friend Ross’ recent encounter with the Texas Department of Public Safety driver license office in the Dallas area. Ross, who recently turned 44, applied online to have his license renewed by mail, having no tickets or anything else that would otherwise disqualify him.

But here’s the catch: He was told that he would have to bring in his Social Security Card for verification in order for his license to be renewed. Of course, he asked the very logical question: “Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of online registration?”

I wrote to the DPS Public Information Office today to ask that very same thing. Don’t worry Ross, I didn’t use your name. I know that last fall when I renewed my license in the very same county the DPS just sent me my license and it showed up in the mail within a remarkable week’s time.

If I receive a reply to my question from the DPS I will share it here in this space. It sounds to me as if such a proviso is required for a license renewal then it might be in knee-jerk reaction to the big immigration hoo-hah. We shall see hah!

A few minutes ago at the Wash-and-Dry I saw this sign on the restroom door:

“Please Knock Door”

Now I realize there could have been some cultural relevancy at work here as to how the phrase was presented. I speak of leaving out the word “on” if that was indeed what happened.

The woman who runs the laundromat is Vietnamese and I am not sure of what type of customs they have such as whether it brings them or anyone good luck by insulting a door.

So I said: “You’re the worst freaking door I’ve seen all day.”

I have to leave now and buy a lottery ticket.

With all good intentions I set about to write today about the dual hosts of CNN’s “American Morning,” John Roberts and Kiran Chetry. The traditional network morning shows have long been too feet-first into Good Housekeeping for me and “Fox and Friends” are too reactionary.

But I instantly became hung up because I didn’t know if I did or did not know John Roberts. There is no good reason I would know him except for the fact that he was a White House correspondent for CBS News and I was around the traveling White House gang for awhile when Gee Dubya would visit Crawford. I believe every time I went to Crawford though I saw Mark Knoller, whom after looking at you might be surprised that he would even be allowed within the same zip code as the president.

Of course, I didn’t really know Mark Knoller nor John Roberts nor any of the White House press. That is, I didn’t know them to any degree with the exception of having conversations with a few of them at one time or another.

So I guess what really put me off track was thinking about quantifying the word “know.” You think: What did I know and when did I know it?

Me: I knew what I knew at the time that I knew it. Knew, knew, knew, which if pronounced with the “k” not silent sounds like somewhat of a weak sneeze, which I have. Not weak sneezes but weak knees.

But I don’t understand.

No. Of course you don’t. But look at the dictionary.

know
–verb (used with object) 1. to perceive or understand as fact or truth; to apprehend clearly and with certainty: I know the situation fully.

And then that’s just the first entry.

As well there is:

7. Archaic. to have sexual intercourse with.
–verb (used without object)

Ah yes, I knew her well. I knew her in the airplane’s lavatory. I knew her …

Therefore, you might well know just what a quandary that this word “know” has put me into this day. I don’t know what I will do about it. Probably nothing. Sometimes that is all one knows to do.