This nugget from AP:
SYDNEY, Australia – A 22-year-old man attempted to drive 310 miles in reverse on a remote Outback highway after his transmission failed, blocking his forward gears, police said Friday. The man was stopped by Western Australia state police on Thursday afternoon after they spotted his car roaring in reverse down the highway at about 40 mph, according to a statement.
I guess the guy wanted to see where he’s been.
Goodbye Yogi. Hello ee cummings.
I chose the above cummings quote because I tend to agree with the statement. Hearing, seeing or doing something funny are perhaps among the most profound experiences human beings have. Even people and situations which aren’t funny can make one laugh.
Having worked as both a firefighter and a crime reporter, I’ve heard and laughed at all manners of inappropriate jokes and comments made under less than cheerful circumstances. No one would want to see emergency personnel yucking it up at a fatal car wreck or bad fire. But jokes do pass through the lips of EMTs, firefighters, cops and even reporters at what might be a tragic scene. This gallows humor is a coping mechanism that may not seem quite right to an outsider (and definitely not to a victim or their family) but sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying. Of course, situations also exist where you may find yourself both laughing and crying.
One of my nieces is a volunteer firefighter in East Texas. She sent me this hilarious e-mail the other day which was a faux memorandum about how first responders should can the creativity when writing up their incident reports. For instance:
“Trauma patients are not FDGB (fall down, go boom), TBC (total body crunch) or “Hamburger Helper.” Similarly, descriptions of a car crash should not have include phrases like “negative vehicle-to-vehicle interface” or “terminal deceleration syndrome.”
“Hazmat teams are highly trained professionals, not “glow worms” or “little green men.” Police officers are not “guntoters” or “holster huggers.” Also, police officers injured at Hazmat scenes are victims or patients NOT “Copological Indicators” or “Blue Canaries.”
“Persons with altered mental states as a result of drug use are not considered “pharmaceutically gifted.” Gunshot wounds to the head are not “trans-occipital implants” or “negative bullet to head interface.”
“And finally, do not refer to recently deceased persons as being “paws up,” ART (assuming room temperature), CC (Cancel Christmas), DRT (Dead Right There), CTD (circling the drain), or NLPR (no long playing records).”
Yes, it’s rather sick humor but it’s humor and sometimes you just have to laugh.
Apparently no one — at least in the news media — is allowed to make a mistake anymore. The latest outbreak of sanctimony was started when Mark Foley — of the congressional page IM scandal fame — was labeled on Fox News’ “O’Reilly Factor” as a Democrat rather than Republican. Of course, Fox being the official network for Bush and the GOP has it coming and it is understandable how people might think that the error was intentional and not just a mistake.
Now more outrage bubbles up as the Associated Press incorrectly identified U.S. House Speaker Dennis Hastert as a Democrat. Off with their heads!
Bitching about mistakes in print or on the air is nothing new. I’ve had many calls about a misspelling or a wrong word or even — yes I committed the mortal sin — incorrectly labeling lawmakers as a Democrat when they were a Republican. I remember once how Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison’s people got their knickers in a wad once when I made that error. But it was an error, and yes the editors the story went through failed to notice it. Bunch of KBH haters!
What is funny about the sanctimony in the blogosphere is if you read comments on some of these blogs by people on their high horse about mistakes, you will sometime notice (God forbid) mistakes in their spelling such as this comment on “Crooks and Liars:”
“How long til Rumsfeld is a Democrat..”
So if I happen to make a mistake here, sue me. People really need to get a life.
Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert asks a young soldier if he can have his pork chop.
What will happen in our big political soap opera? Will Mark Foley claim that aliens (from outer space — not from Mexico) made him send lewd messages to congressional pages? Will the entire Republican delegation from Florida reveal that they too are gay alcoholics? How many fat grams will Denny Hastert consume during the Foley scandal crisis? Stay tuned.
When I last talked to my friend Sarah a couple of weeks ago, she asked me if I had learned any tricks from Jake and Gabby. Jake and Gabby are the parrots that live where I am currently residing. I told Sarah that I had learned to eat peanuts with my feet, which is something Jake (pictured here) long ago mastered.
Actually, I was just funning. I suppose you could call it lying if you wanted to, although I seriously doubt my friend really believed I had learned to eat peanuts with my feet. I mean, I could probably do it if I had to. But I don’t have to use my feet for eating so I can’t see any worthwhile reason to learn.
A vast array of skills exist that I could acquire if only I had to, or desired to learn them. For instance, I don’t play the tuba but I could figure it out if I really wanted to do it. The same goes for the piano and guitar. In fact, I never learned to play any musical instrument with the exception of air guitar and a little bit of harmonica. One must admit that both are worthwhile skills to have if ever you find yourself sitting around a campfire on a cattle drive with a bunch of headbangers.
Whether I ever will learn to eat peanuts with my feet, play a tuba or piano or guitar, I can’t say. What I can say is never say never. Well, I mean that figuratively. You may say never all you want at any time you want. For that matter, you can eat peanuts with your feet. It won’t bother me. I see it being done all the time.
