Author: Dick

It seems U.S. Rep. Kevin Brady, R-The Woodlands, is taking a page from the playbook of an old master. That old master would be Charlie Wilson. Brady, the five-term congressman whose district covers Deep East Texas, this week launched his new “Eighth District Mobile office.” It is a recreational vehicle that will carry his caseworkers to different communities throughout the district.

“The best service is convenient service. I want to make sure my staff and I are available to help people with their problems wherever they live,” said Brady, in a news release.”

Do the constituents get fries with that?

Charlie Wilson had a mobile office for a number of the 20-some-odd years he represented the same general area in Congress. I didn’t read that Brady will actually be traveling on the RV, but even so I don’t think Brady could hold a candle to Wilson when it comes to an entertaining RV trip. I once went on a short excursion in the mobile office with Wilson and, I tell you, that guy could tell some tales.

Wilson’s three-time Republican opponent during his last terms in office, an attractive, big-haired blonde named Donna Peterson of Orange, Texas, tried to make an issue out of the mobile office. Her campaign ran TV ads portraying the RV as a rolling party.

Maybe Brady, who recently was slapped on the wrist for a DUI in South Dakota, will turn the RV into a party on wheels. Hey, there’s nothing like constituent service.

Somehow though, I don’t think a movie will ever be made about Brady with Tom Hanks portraying him, as the actor will play Wilson in the upcoming film version of “Charlie Wilson’s War.”

Some spectator sports exist that I can’t spectate when they appear on television. Golf is one example. Tennis is another. Actually, not a whole lot of sports which are televised do much for me. I like to watch football or baseball or occasionally hockey. And that is only when a team I am interested in plays.

So it would seem no big surprise that I have less than zero interest in watching “Celebrity Chef Showdown” which is running each night this week on NBC.

Now I happen to like cooking. And I like cooking shows if they are entertaining and helpful. I loved Julia Childs. Jamie Oliver is a definite hoot. Emeril, well, a little Emeril goes a long ways. But I never really got into The Food Channel’s “Iron Chef,” which often seemed at times as if some of the chefs were going to drop what they were doing and start Sumo wrestling, but as far as I know that didn’t happen.

I have been to oodles of cooking competitions — cook-offs. I hosted a chili cook-off for several years when I was in college. Although, that was more about keg dynamics than cooking. What is the attraction of competitive cooking is the tasting and eating. I’m not really interested in technique or showmanship. And since I can’t taste what is being cooked on TV, I just can’t work up any actual zeal for a show that features celebrities such as Patti LaBelle or Naomi Campbell strutting their stuff in the kitchen.

Television executives have found it’s cheaper to put on the type of drivel as a celebrity chef show than to have something that was written and thought out and acted in by real actors. How about celebrity house-cleaning? Celebrity roofing? Celebrity plumbing? I’m sure one of those would be a show someone would want to see. Just don’t mention these ideas too loudly. Some network executives might be listening.

Sir Winston Churchill doesn’t care if he is criticized. After all, he’s dead.

What? You thought I was going to stick with Fred Allen forever? For those of you who do not know what I am talking about — probably the majority of those who read this — I am referring to the new saying at the top of the page by Winston Churchill. I replaced the quote by Fred Allen with another quote by Churchill on the subject of criticism. So please do not criticize me for this. Okay?

Churchill was certainly an interesting specimen. I do not think the current PM of the UK whom I will not name but whose initials are TB would not make a wart on Churchill’s backside. But that’s just my opinion. I never lived in the UK so my opinions about the leaders of that country are, perhaps not worthless, but certainly not worth a lot. So why did I even say anything if my opinion is not worth a lot? I don’t know. We do things sometimes. That’s going to be my mantra from here on out. We do things sometimes. Why did I run that red light officer? I don’t know. We just do things sometimes. It’s kind of simple but it works, don’t you think?

If you don’t think it works, well, I’m sorry but I really don’t care. After all, I have decided that I will not accept criticism today. Now that is a concept that really works. If your boss starts chewing on your arse just tell him: “I don’t know why the job turned out like it did. We do things sometimes, okay? And besides, I’m not accepting criticism today. Try again tomorrow.”

Provided, of course, if you still have a job tomorrow.

U.S. Marine Corps drill instructors critique a cadet’s uniform during the West Coast National Junior ROTC Drill Competition in El Segundo, Calif. (U.S. Navy photo by Journalist 1st Class Brian Brannon)

Someone isn’t happy. I’m just glad I’m not the one being inspected. I guess that’s why I joined the Navy instead of the Marines. Not that I didn’t get yelled at. I just didn’t get yelled at by anyone as intimidating as these guys.

Some trouble with the dilithium crystals no doubt kept me from accessing my friend, Marilyn Rucker’s, Web site. I am happy to report her site is up and running. Check it out to hear snipits of songs such as “If I Could Be Like Xena” and other hits. Marilyn has a new cd coming out:

The c.d. release is officially going to be on June 24, 2006 at St. Andrews Coffeehouse, which is at 14311 Wells Port Drive, Austin, Texas. There will be snacks and coffee and other good things to go with the tunes from the new c.d. “Everybody’s Somebody Else’s Weirdo.”