Author: Dick

This is what you see after having too many green beers.

I realized why PR Newswire for Journalists is such a good resource after finding this nugget today:

LOS ANGELES, March 15 /PRNewswire/ — Los Angeles-based Globat.com(R), the world-leader in Performance Web Hosting(TM), in a very unique effort to raise awareness to cervical cancer prevention, today announced the world’s first sponsorship of a gynecological visit for Shimmer, a long-time eBay celebrity from Fort Lauderdale, Fla. Shimmer will be riding to and from her gynecologist in a limo, will undergo a gynecological exam and will be promoting Globat.com and cancer prevention throughout the day.

First of all, I have to say that I had no idea that eBay even had celebrities. Secondly, I am all for promoting women’s health especially in the prevention of cervical cancer. According to eMedicine Health, cervical cancer is the second most common cause of cancer-related disease and death among women worldwide. But for a publicity stunt, I would say this is kind of over the top. But I report, you decide:

“Shimmer is not new to extreme marketing, as she has offered a range of unique promotional services on eBay in the past, attracting interest from customers such as Golden Palace Casino, and now Globat.com. During her visit to the doctor, she will be wearing a temporary tattoo of the Globat.com logo on her chest, and will then hit the clubs handing out St. Patrick’s Day-themed Globat.com t-shirts, hats and stickers and, of course, promoting the necessity for women over 18 to get tested frequently.”

I wonder what her gynecologist will say about the tattoo?

Is it just the fact that I am a man and don’t know about these things or is there really no logical connection between St. Patrick’s Day and a Pap Smear? It would seem St. Patrick’s Day would be a rather odd day to promote anything serious with all the people getting s**tfaced. It is all rather bizarre to me but bizarre is apparently Globat.com’s marketing strategy:

“Globat.com is launching a wave of unique sponsorships and events such as a sponsored birth, and a tattooed human billboard under the banner of “Defying Gravity,” with the ultimate goal to launch at least one such special event in each of the 50 states.”

There really is no accounting for taste. What’s next, sponsoring a bris?

That is a good question to ask in counties such as the one in which I live — Jefferson County, Texas.

The U.S. Census Bureau released its county population estimates as of July 1, 2005 this morning and it seems we’ve lost nearly 4,500 people in Jefferson County since the 2000 Census. So where did they go?

Perhaps some of them drove up north to adjoining Hardin County. The latest figures show that county gained slightly more than 2,900 people in five years. But that still leaves 1,600 from Jefferson County for which we cannot account. Did they go to our eastern neighbor, Orange County? Well, if so, only 17 people did in the past five years. They probably didn’t go to the Lakes Area up north — near Toledo Bend and Sam Rayburn reservoirs — either. Jasper County lost 17 people in five years. Do you think they may have been the same 17 who moved to Orange? And Newton County lost 763 people between 2000 and 2005. What is happening to all the people in Southeast Texas? We’re they eaten by Bigfoot, supposedly seen a number of times in this area?

I don’t know what happened to tell you the truth. If I called the state’s demographer I bet he could tell me. But I am just willing to sit back and let my pals in the media find out. Okay guys and gals, get busy! Don’t let me down.

You may have correctly guessed that I am somewhat of a nerd who enjoys comparative figures and such. I plead guilty. My favorite books growing up were “The World Almanac” and the “Texas Almanac.” So I find these population changes kind of interesting. Perhaps the most interesting of all to me was the 34.1 percent population increase between 2000 and 2005 in Collin County, a suburban county just north of Dallas. It gained more than 167,000 people in five years for a population of 659,457. That just blew my socks off. Well, that is an expression because I am not wearing socks. Or pants. Okay, I don’t want to gross you out. I am wearing walking shorts and a T-shirt. My blogging attire aside, I found the Collin County increase interesting because I have watched that county grow.

Two of my buds — Ross and Bruce — live in Collin County in Allen. When they moved there in the late 80s and early 90s the place was like eating lettuce — not much to it. Today, you drive up North Central Expressway past the High Five interchange and you’ve got growth through Plano and Allen practically all the way to Oklahoma. And friends, if all of the people who left here in Jefferson County moved to Oklahoma then I just don’t know what to say except … Traitors!

And don’t be calling me a mad cow!

The government apparently wants to scale back testing for so-called “Mad Cow Disease.”

Mike Johanns, the U.S. minister of cattle, said the testing program was never meant to prevent the disease but rather measure the affliction’s prevalence. I profess to know little about this disease or cattle for that matter, but I think it has been established that BSE is prevalent enough to have infected three cows in the U.S.

I think that some of us who enjoy a good burger or ribeye might feel a little better knowing that the government’s got our backs on this. It isn’t like the USDA has to fight wars or electronically eavesdrop on U.S. citizens. Is keeping watch for Mad Cow too much to ask?

I never thought Patrick McGoohan had any noticeable Asian features. But I always felt maybe he just wanted to keep his ethnicity to himself. Finally, I realized Johnny Rivers was singing: “Secret Agent Man” and not “Secret Asian Man.”

I get it now.

A reminder on Fourth Street in Beaumont, Texas, that mean Miss Rita came calling.

You kind of get used to roofers everywhere and the still present blue FEMA tarps covering the roofs the roofers have yet to fix. But outright signs that Hurricane Rita hit here almost six months ago are not as easy to find these days. Walking just down the street from where I used to live on Fourth Street, I saw this house on which a huge tree still rests. If we could be anthropomorphic for a second with this house, it would seem to say: “Fix me please. I do so want this big tree off of me!” This would be followed by a low, mournful groan.

It’s not easy getting over a hurricane.