Author: Dick

Off we cast our impatient and uncaring little saying for Cervantes. Whatever else one might say about him, he could turn a phrase and continue to turn phrases. Perhaps it would be inaccurate to call the Don Quixote author a “literary Energizer Bunny” although the bulk of the classic work suggests he kept going and going and going …

I have never been able to finish Don Quixote. I don’t really know why. Maybe it’s reader’s block. Perhaps some books are meant to be read and some aren’t. Although, that’s skirting way too far out on the edge of profundity for me. But it seems like every time I try to read the book something distracts me and I will put the book down only to pick it up for a few pages in a couple of years.

My copy of Don Quixote belonged to my maternal grandmother, so I really don’t know when the English version that I possess was actually printed. But even though I have this mental force preventing me from my impossible quest I can, nonetheless, praise the very construction of this book.

Yes my friends my copy is, in the words of The Commodores, built like a “brick … house.” Which as many of you probably know, the song was referring to the saying that a particular woman is “built like a brick s—house.” I really don’t know how the saying is all that flattering to a woman, but maybe I’m not applying my limited geometric skills. Nevertheless, a brick outhouse is no doubt sturdy and the same can be said for my own copy of Don Quixote. There’s no telling how many bugs I’ve slain with it. So even though I can’t bring myself to finish it, its very existence on my bookshelf is of immeasurable worth.

Enough about that. When is the last time you heard Cervantes and The Commodores discussed in the same context? Never?

Mighty, mighty, just letting it all hang out …

I live a very simple existence. I want a lot but I don’t need much. So I am asking fate to bring me just one little thing for my half-century birthday (sigh) two weeks from tomorrow. I would like to see the Astros win the World Series.

Granted, being given Donald Trump’s fortune, Brad Pitt’s looks and throwing in world peace might be an easier wish. Particularly so if the Astros continue to play as they did in last night’s disappointment against St. Louis.

But that is really all I am asking for. First they beat the Cardinals and then defeat whomever they might face in the Big One. I don’t even care how many games it takes. It would make a 50- (oh my God) year-old man happy.

Power company trucks and a steady stream of traffic ensures you can’t get to there from here.

The first few days upon returning to Beaumont, Texas, after evacuating for Hurricane Rita were like a perpetual Sunday to me. Next to nothing was open. Often times you would see more dogs on the street than people. And the curfew presumably kept the looting class off the street.

Now our city leaders didn’t jump up and down on top of City Hall and proclaim to the world that Beaumont is open for business once again. But people began trickling in. The curfew was lifted, as was the evacuation order. More businesses continue to open each day and we find ourselves enmeshed in a never-ending Saturday. It’s more like a Christmas shopping Saturday from hell.

It is hard enough to get around town with the utility crewfolks, all 9,000 of them it seems, on every third street with their big trucks. That’s not to mention the tractors and big trailers on every other street picking up limbs and logs from downed trees. So when you throw in a lot of people driving their pickups, SUVs and every other vehicle in this galaxy, you have a hell of a mess on your hands.

Of course, I’ve got no complaint about the utility or cleanup crews. I don’t really have a beef with those who have returned. The more people who come home, the more businesses will open and perhaps sometime in the near future we’ll see some sanity prevail in our local traffic situation.

But I’ve got to ask. What are all these people doing out on the streets and where are they all going? It would seem Wal-Mart and Home Depot would be a couple of destinations. Or so you would think, judging by the crowds packing those places like dead men’s ballots in a Louisiana election. Maybe these people are just wandering around like nomads. Perhaps the storm left their houses unfit for living but they have no other place to go, so they just drive and drive and drive.

Or maybe they have just lost their minds. That sort of makes the most sense to me because you really have to be crazy to be driving around in my city right now.

Houston vs. St. Louis
5th Inning
StL 5 Houston 0

The Astros’ offense is missing. If found, please return to Busch Stadium.

It’s not going so well for the Astros against the St. Louis Cardinals. The Cards lead 3-0 in the middle of the 3rd after the Astros squandered three on base with their best lumberjack, Lance Berkman. Sound the Despair Alarm? Why of course not. But if you can’t bear to watch, then play this drinking game:

When you hear “Andy Pettitte” have a shot.
When you hear “Chris Carpenter” have a shot and a beer.
When you hear “Bob Brenly” have a shot, a beer and another shot.
When you hear “A naked mime is running across the field and being pursued by the grounds crew!” Oooh. Time to sober up. Drink hot coffee, black.