Barney press briefing

“I guess you wonder why I called you all here today.”

BARNEY: I’ll take a few questions now.

Q: Mr. First Dog, Rex from Dog World. First off, I would like to know your thoughts looking back on the incident in which you allegedly urinated on Tony Blair’s leg? Was there anything you would have done differently? Also, are you worried that an English dog might urinate on Mr. Bush’s leg in retaliation?

BARNEY: I can’t think of a thing I would do different. As for some dog ever trying to pee on the president’s leg, all I can say is bring ’em on.

Q: Mr. First Dog, Fido from Caninipolitan. What do you have to say to your critics who say you shouldn’t lick yourself in public?

BARNEY: Well, let me ask you this Fido. Do you think it’s improper for you as a dog to lick yourself in public?

Q: With all due respect, sir, I’m not the First Dog. And I am the one asking the question. So it’s not about me. It’s about you.

BARNEY: Okay, so it’s all about me. Hit me in the head with a newspaper! I think that because I am the First Dog, that it gives me the power to lick wherever or whatever I want.

Q: What if you licked a frozen light pole?

BARNEY: (inaudible)

WHITE HOUSE: That’s it. Thank you all for coming.

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