Beware the government in their helicopters

 The government is coming in their helicopters to my area and perhaps to an area near you, that is if you live on the Texas coast. But they’re white helicopters and not black ones.

 Our state’s environmental agency says folks will notice white helicopters hovering over pipelines, oil production and other industrial facilities in the vicinity of several coastal metro areas of Texas next week.

 The helicopters will be flying over the Beaumont-Port Arthur, Houston-Galveston-Brazoria and Corpus Christi areas measuring volatile organic compounds and other hydrocarbon particles that are too tiny to be seen by the eyeball, says the Texas Commission on Environmental Quality, the agency formerly known as the Texas Natural Resource Conservation Commission, TNRCC, or “Train Wreck.”

 VOCs are compounds that can be found in gasoline or other industrial chemicals. They can combine with nitrogen oxide, light winds and sunlight to form ozone which can burn through your head and scramble your brains like cooking an egg on a Texas sidewalk in August. Not really. It’s the ground level ozone — think smog — that they are talking about.

 A special infrared camera on the helicopters can take images of the compounds as well as look through your clothes, so be sure you are wearing (lead-filled) underwear next week if you are out gallavanting on a pipeline somewhere around China — that’s China, Texas. Actually, I just made up the part about the camera looking through one’s clothes. I’m not sure if the infrared cameras can do that.

 This public service message is brought to you by the Texas Gulf Coast Council on Lead Underwear and Ground Level Ozone Pollution Control where our motto is: “We aren’t sure what one has to do with the other, but we are willing to entertain your theories.”