Civilization is toast

The world is just totally insane. I don’t know why it has taken me so long to recognize that fact after almost 50 years. I guess it is because I was born naive and it takes some people longer than others to shed such traits.

Do you need proof the world has fell off its rocker? Meet Perry Lonzello.

An Associated Press story this morning said the New Jersey man carved a primitive drawing of “runaway bride-to-be” Jennifer Wilbanks on a piece of toasted Wonder Bread, then put it up for bid on eBay as a joke. Wait, that’s just having a little fun. Where insanity rolls up and starts bellowing show tunes is that:

“As of about 5 p.m. Friday, Lonzello’s eBay posting had 134,300 visits and 111 bids made on the toast, with a top bid of $15,400. Bidding closes Sunday. The toast is still a long way from equaling the grilled cheese sandwich with an image of the Virgin Mary that sold for $28,000 on eBay in 2004,” the AP story said.

Sadly, I found 54 items related to “Jennifer Wilbanks toast” this morning on eBay. This includes:
— “Jennifer Wilbanks Toast Found Again,” going for $1
— “Jennifer Wilbanks Runaway Bride Cookie better than toast,” costing $2
— “Jennifer Wilbanks Runaway Bride toast,” bidding at $10,000
— “Jennifer Wilbanks Runaway Bridge toast with kidnappers,” at 99 cents

And a guy is also selling his “bottled rage against Jen, toast, the world!” Priceless? Of course not. He wants $37 for the bottle with a printed label of him screaming.

It’s all good fun, up to a point. But think about it. If people start buying toast regularly for exorbitant sums, what do you think that is going to do for condiments? There is no telling what those little packages of jam you get for your Egg McMuffin (I don’t know about that practice either)could end up costing. What’s next, a pat of butter for $650, knife not included?

Please, I beseech you, stop the madness!!! Then, bring me a piece of toast, plain, and no illustration.

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