Groundhog day predictions: Get real!

Happy Groundhog Day.

Seriously, some people actually celebrate the day the townsfolk of Punxsutawney, Pa., drag the cuddly little rodent Punxsutawney Phil out of his hole to predict the fate of winter. It is six more weeks if Phil sees its shadow or winter will come to an end in six weeks if no shadow falls from the little groundhog.

Phil saw its shadow today or so say his handlers. We can go on the supposition that groundhogs recognize shadows, in their own little groundhog way. Whether or not they can predict weather is a matter of belief, such as Santa Claus. Of course, anyone with any sense knows damn well that Santa is real.

There are tons of Punxsutawney Phil knockoffs these days: Gen. Beauregard Lee of Atlanta, Buckeye Chuck of Ohio, Jimmy the Groundhog of Wisconsin and so forth. Whether these weather prediction experts see their shadow and foretell winter matters more on geography and meteorology than true superstition.

We don’t have a groundhog to forecast weather here in Beaumont, on the upper Texas coast near Louisiana. Hell, I don’t even know if we have groundhogs in Texas. I will check and get back with you on that, but don’t hold your breath, please. I suppose we would have to come up with a nutria with a Cajun name, such as Boudreaux Bill or something of that ilk if we were to have a Phil impersonator. Since we average nearly 60 inches of precipitation a year, it would be a good bet that Boudreaux wouldn’t see his shadow. It depends, of course, on the time of day and the time of year.

I think a lot of TV stations miss out on a bet by not having their weatherman come out of a hole on Groundhog Day. A hole is where some of them certainly belong. I won’t mention any names.

Personally, when I see my shadow on groundhog day it means the sun is shining or the cops have hit me with a spotlight. My prediction: six more weeks of winter. A late snow in February. Then, smooth sailing about mid-March. That’s just a guess. But it works for me.