Hitting the jackpot

Wow. I just learned I won 850,000 Euros in the National Lottery of Burkina Faso. I must apologize by saying, I normally pride myself on my geographic knowledge but I’m not certain where Burkina Faso is located.

Okay. So according to Wikipedia, Burkina Faso is in Western Africa and was the country once known as Prince, ah, I mean Upper Volta. I was always intrigued with the name Upper Volta and its twin nation Re Volta. Hah, hah, hah. I am much too busy and yet too lazy to read the entire Wikipedia article or anything else about Burkina Faso-Upper Volta right now, so I guess I’ll have to wonder for awhile as to whether Lower Volta ever existed. I could envision the Voltas in battery terms with Upper Volta being 12 voltas and Lower Volta at 9 voltas. However many amps might have been involved will perhaps remain an even bigger mystery.

The e-mail I received here at EFD from OUAGADOUGOU BURKINA FASO indicated that because a mix-up occurred, I have been asked to:

” … keep your winning information confidential until your claim has been processed and your money remitted to you. This is part of our security protocols to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program by some participants.”

In the words of that great mind, Jessica Simpson: “I totally don’t know what that means.”

Apparently EFD was selected among more than 30,000,000 e-mails to receive this substantial amount of money. Perhaps when I receive the sum I will give it back to the nation of Burkina Faso and will forever be known as “That Crazy Man Who Gave Back The Money.” I could just see my great-great-great grandchildren some day visiting Ouagadougou and coming across a statue of me, the great hero of Upper Volta-Burkina Faso-Brangelina. The country will honor me with a week-long celebration in which people give money to each other for gifts and then have to give it all back. Yes, money can’t buy you love, but it can buy you something to eat and drink.

Peace, love and Coco Puffs to my loyal subjects in Burkina Faso. May your days be days and may your feet always smell not-so-bad.

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