Let's just skip the finger food

What’s next in your meal, Rollie Fingers? Posted by Hello

What is going on with all these fingers turning up in people’s foods? First it was the infamous “chili finger” at Wendy’s in California. More recently, Brandon Fizer accidentally lopped off the top of his finger while working with a mixing machine in a dessert shop in North Carolina. A customer found the digital prize in his custard and refuses to give it back. Apparently, the finger is pointing its way toward a lawsuit against the shop.

I wonder if any restaurant will have the sense of humor or the guts to do something with this recent spate of finger food? Will someone’s menu include “Anna’s Chili-covered Chicken Fingers?” (Chicken really don’t have fingers, you know) The entree would be quite a tribute for Anna Ayala, who found the finger in Wendy’s and was arrested for allegedly perpetrating a hoax. I don’t know if any food item has ever been named for Rollie Fingers, the baseball hall of fame pitcher from the 70s whose handlebar mustache appeared as if it lived in a different area code.

I can certainly understand fingers or parts of fingers being accidentally introduced into foods at restaurants. With some of the cutlery and machinery you really have to keep on your toes to keep all your fingers. I have fantasized being a chef, but I probably would be the one without all 10 of his fingers. I don’t know how many times I have sliced myself open while chopping something. My cookbooks look like a crime scene.

It’s pretty mean that the guy who got the finger with his custard, one Clarence Stowers, didn’t give it back once he was notified that it belonged to the 23-year-old Fizer. From what I gather, doctors could have re-attached the part.

Yeah, I know it’s not pleasant to find anything floating about in your food. I certainly would have demanded free custard from that shop from then on — provided of course if I could ever eat custard again.

But you know, in the grand scheme of things, there are a lot worse things you could find in your restaurant order than a finger. You could find a small nuclear bomb in your taco salad, for instance, and perhaps jostling it around with your spoon could take out that entire side of town. Or perhaps you might finally find Jimmy Hoffa in your pasta primavera. Now that wouldn’t be pleasant.

Just look on the bright side. Smile, smile, smile and keep your hands where I can see them.

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