Like the moon on your wing and the snow down your butt crack

Travel stories are really boring. That is except when they are mine. I am a humorist too. I say that with a dead pan. Well it’s not dead. It’s deadpan. If it were chicken it might be dead pan (of chicken) unless it was live.

Yesterday afternoon I spent about four hours waiting around Bush Intercontinental in Houston for a flight on standby. I had one for sure an hour later, but getting somewhere an hour early is always better, right? I kept getting different answers from everyone I spoke with from Continental about my chances of making it standby.

“Well, there are 50 seats and 47 are filled,” said one inContinent employee.

“Oh, you’re on top of the list,” said another employee from another Continent.

“We’ll just have to wait until the plane is full until we see,” another Continental breakfast said.

When the flight was finally called, the airline employee sought the standby people first. I was on the phone and was the closest. Still, not one of us showed up at the desk.

“Oh come on,” said the Continental Army lady, “There were eight of you up here a minute ago.”

She was pretty cool.

So we got up. And we got on the flight. And we waited and we waited some more. And then the flight attendant shut the door. She turned out to be pretty cool too.

I flew to Kansas City on a regional jet full of eight standbys, one flight attendant, a pilot and, I think, a co-pilot. I felt the luxury of two seats to myself. It only took 15 minutes to get off the plane at KC instead of the usual 30. Oh yes, I also got enjoy the moon on the wing. Actually the sights were pretty awesome. The sun had just gone down after we took off from Houston. Skies had cleared. I saw probably the reddest horizon I had ever seen. It was blood red, which is kind of  freaky, but pretty as hell. Later on I looked out the window at the Moon. It looked as if we were passing right by it. Still later, we kept getting a  view of the “Moon on the wing.” Somebody could probably write a pretty good country song about it. I’d do it, but I am kind of busy right now.

Go figure. I can’t. I certainly can’t figure out those airline people. First we had an almost full jet. Then we had a jet full of standby rejects. Maybe the other 40-something passengers who were supposed to fly thought we smelled bad.

Parts of the 1 hour 45 minute flight were pretty bumpy. The air inside the cabin was kind of funny, like it couldn’t make up its mind to be hot or not hot. Of course, feeling the window you could feel it is cold. It’s 17 degrees outside my hotel right now in KC and snowing. The Weather Service said its “light snow/mist.” I am not far from the Downtown Airport from where the weather reading originates. But looking out my 15th floor balcony window, it looks as if it is snowing pretty hard. Visibility isn’t the greatest for the bumper-to-bumper traffic below. It’s been snowing since about noon and will probably snow some more.

I’m hunkered down for it.