Navigating the world with a nagging Siri

Sometimes this digital world gets really crazy.

I have always wondered what would happen if I said something particularly vile to Siri, the automated personal assistant on my iPhone. Nevertheless, I try to be a polite and not-so-profane person, even to Siri. I don’t believe the time I spent on a ship in the Navy was particularly helpful toward such an aspiration. But I honestly try to control my profanity although sometimes it just busts on out there.

Yesterday was a hot summer day in Southeast Texas. I am without air conditioning in my truck, supposedly because I need a new compressor. I had an appointment this morning at the VA Hospital in Houston with my podiatrist and it was scheduled sort of early in the morning. So I rented a car to drive to Houston and to overnight at a hotel in order to beat the early traffic in the morning.

Well, that all worked well this morning but yesterday was a different matter.

The rental agency didn’t have the kind of car I had requested. I had asked for a compact, but they didn’t have one clean. So I ended up getting a 2016 Jeep Trailhawk for the same price. Sometimes you get whatever you get at a car rental agency and sometimes you get even better. I liked the 4 x 4 Trailhawk, although its dominant color was red, but at least I could see where I had parked it in a large parking lot.

Siri, Do you know the way to San Jose?
Siri, Do you know the way to San Jose?

I left Beaumont Tuesday on I-10 just after 3 p.m. All was going well. I stopped off at Winnie for gas and some iced tea. I noticed the skies in the west were growing increasingly dark. It was probably five or six miles after Winnie when I ran into rain, and I’m talking heavy rain.

The heavy rain probably didn’t stop until I was almost halfway to Houston. Then not long afterwards, I heard on the radio that a left lane was blocked on I-10 in East HoustonĀ  because of water on the road. Well, I saw water on the road but none that was worth closing the highway. Then, what else? Traffic. Bumper-to-bumper traffic was all the way to only a few miles from my destination.

My destination was a hotel on South Main near the NRG Stadium and the Astrodome. But I was still unsure just how I should proceed there on the city streets. Well, that is when I clicked onto Siri for help with directions.

I don’t like nor recommend talking on the phone when you are driving, but as long as Siri understands what you are saying, she is pretty good at directions. I mean, there are problems. But yesterday Siri heard me loud and clear. Not far from my destination, I encountered a blocked lane with someone pulling in front of me. Talking to no one — especially Siri — while trying to negotiate traffic I uttered: “Bullshit!”

All of a sudden Siri retorted: “I hope you don’t kiss your mother with that mouth!”

Well, I could have become indignant what with my mother having died more than 30 years ago. But instead, I laughed out loud. I suppose Siri is not fond of my profanity. But I could not help cracking up. It was just too f***ing funny!

The trip back home today was much better. No rain, no traffic.

Best of all, there was no scolding from Siri. Maybe I should really have really gotten married all those many years ago.


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