No gas for you!

Ah what the hell. I guess I’ll get a Mountain Dew instead.

Senate Republicans are proposing a $100 “gas-tax holiday” in the guise of a rebate check for each U.S. family. This is how our government responds to concerns weighing on the minds of the public at large. “Let’s throw them a hundred bucks. Maybe that’ll shut ’em up until we can get re-elected.”

So who is really getting rich off these oil prices? I can say without hesitation that it isn’t me. The mailman just delivered by monthly royalty statement for some oil and gas interests I own along with my brothers. When I say interest, it’s something more on the order of microscopic interests. On one well, my interest is .000014430. That might make some amoeba an oil tycoon. There is another well in which I have an interest of .000233870. Now we’re talking.

From this well in East Texas — back in February when the price of oil was $66.56 per barrel — the company pumped 5,038 barrels of oil from this “unit.” The gross value listed for this oil was $37,757.37. And did I get a substantial portion of that $37,757.37? Well, if you have a very, very, very low view of relativity I suppose I’m one rich sumbitch. My .000233870 share was worth $8.17. For the 360 million cubic feet of gas that same company extracted from that same well, the gross value was $21,933. So almost $60,000 worth of oil and gas came from “my oil well.” I got a little more than 8 bucks for it and along with the other two wells I am going to have a whopping $13.81 deposited to my bank account on Friday. Gee, I hope no one with the oil company goes hungry because of my royalty check!

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