Oh yes they call him the 'Squeak,' boogedy, boogedy

more about “Ray Stevens-The Streak“, posted with vodpod

Ed note: If you have no idea what the headline is paraphrasing, play the above video. Or “Don’t look Ethel” if you are offended by (the idea of) people taking off their clothes and running around places nekkid as a jaybird.

Actually, this post has nothing to do with streaking. I wish it did because it’s a much more interesting subject in my mind than squeaking shoes, of which I’m about to speak, write, say. Whatever. You will probably like the video more than my post. Or not. Or you might hate both.

I have noted here before that I received two pairs of diabetic shoes from the Department of Veterans Affairs. Let me clarify: The shoes aren’t diabetic. I am. They are shoes made for diabetic people. I really didn’t know how big a deal feet were in the diabetic world until being diagnosed with Type II diabetes. But they are a big deal. That is because your feet regulate your sugar and if you get too much sugar you are supposed to suck your big toe. There is a whole big explanation here. But diabetics and medical people who give them care tend to obsess over feet and with pretty good reason.

My diabetic shoes squeak. I figured they would eventually stop squeaking with some wear. They didn’t. The shoes don’t squeak all the time, just  walking on certain surfaces such as highly waxed floors. The floors in my office building are like that.

The shoes didn’t come with any instructions so I searched the ‘net. I found a lot of different suggestions, everything from waxing the bottom of your shoes to using WD-40. I tried the WD-40, and while it works on just about everything else on Earth, it didn’t stop my squeaky shoes.

I finally found a phone number for the company — Aetrex, in Teaneck, N.J. —  and while waiting awhile on the phone to talk with someone, I was told of “Foot.com.“ It looks quite extensive for those who have various foot conditions. As for foot fetishes, I don’t think they can help you.

Eventually I talked with a nice lady who apologized for my squeaking shoes and made some suggestions.

“”One is if you take out the insoles and put baby powder in the footbed and then put the insoles back in,” she said. “Also, you can get a candle and take the insoles out and put wax from the candle inside the footbed.”

I will try the powder suggestion and see if it works. The candle, I don’t know. I am too worried that since I likewise have the shakes (benign essential tremors in my hands is what they call it — yeah, I’m a mess)  I might end up torching my shoes. Hopefully, these suggestions will work.

A man shouldn’t squeak when he walks. Or he shouldn’t squeak,  period. I look forward to being squeakless, squeak-free, asqueak, squeaky clean.