Old Squeaky, so far aren't cruel shoes

Old Squeaky. You could hear him a mile away.

That was me today. You know how new shoes somehow tend to squeak when you first walk in them? Well multiply that sound it makes by a factor of about five and that should let you know how squeaky I really was.

The shoes I wore are one of two new pair of Ambulator Diabetic Shoes I was given by the VA in an attempt to lessen the pain from my peripheral neuropathy that makes my feet feel as if they were shot, stabbed and set on fire. I have only had worse foot pain once than I am having nowadays. That was the Night of the Cruel Shoes.

My friend from college, Clay, had a very nice and large wedding when he married Katie about 12 years ago. Another friend, Warren, had been Clay’s roommate in college and Warren and I were two of the six or seven groomsmen attending the groom. Of course, we were wearing the rented tuxes which, unfortunately, came with rented shoes.

Now as I mentioned, my friend, Clay the radiologist, had a very nice wedding so this is nothing to take away from the wedding. But the shoes turned out to be living hell as time went on. Warren and I went on to call them “Cruel Shoes,” which is the name of the best-selling 1979 book written by comedian, actor, etc., Steve Martin as well as the title of one of the book’s very funny essays. Needless to say, or perhaps not, that the rented shoes were not black and white pumps with two left feet and …

” one had a right angle turn with sepa­rate compartments that pointed the toes in impossible directions. The other shoe was six inches long and was curved inward like a rocking chair with a vise and razor blades to hold the foot in place. ”

Our cruel shoes were black and rented. God only knows how many feet had been tortured in those shoes I wore in Dallas that night. That’s all right though. The bride and groom know how much we care for them and would endure pain to make their wedding a most wonderful experience. I still hadn’t seen the videos.

My diabetic shoes aren’t cruel from what I can tell. Just squeaky. At least the pair with the Velcro straps are. The other pair has shoestrings. They don’t look too bad. They are definitely more expensive than I would pay for — here is the shoe on a retailer’s site — all but probably hiking shoes. Thinking about hiking shoes makes me sad because I don’t know if I am ever going to hike again with this constant pain. But if the new shoes aren’t cruel shoes and help get me through the day then I guess I can handle the squeak until they get broken in properly.