Eight Feet Deep

“Woke up this morning with light in my eyes/And then realized it was still dark outside/It was a light coming down from the sky/I don’t know who or why

Must be those strangers that come every night/Those saucer shaped lights put people uptight/Leave blue green footprints that glow in the dark/I hope they get home all right.” “Mr. Spaceman” — The Byrds

Watching the History Channel’s “UFO Hunters: Invasion Texas 2008” this morning I suddenly became more skeptical about the military’s claim that the UFO sightings around Stephenville, Texas, were the result of fighter jet training in that area.

Given that explanations for all types of sightings of weird phenomena in years past were the result of swamp gas makes my whimsical conjecture that the cows of Erath County may have been the cause of the UFO sightings not be such a silly musing. After all, methane is a major component of swamp gas and we all know a little at least about the link between cows and methane. So, with maybe 50,000-or-so cows in Erath County — the state of Texas milk jug — one might guess a little methane could be found.

But could all the conditions be right to make what methane is located there put on a spectacular light show? Are our fighter jets practicing around rural North Central Texas? Is it time for us to ask Mr. Spaceman to take me along (I won’t do anything wrong)? Or could the sightings have roots in all of the above?

Don’t ask me. I just work here.

Question of the day

A promo for Jack FM in Houston earlier this morning said listening to the station was more fun than a barrel of monkeys. This explanation by Mr. Funk, that funky cat of the funky “Funk and Wagnalls dictionary, is that if one monkey unleashes a ton o’ fun then a whole barrel must level the fun walls and allow the fun to spill into the valley of fun. In other words, its a bit of hyperbole to say the least.

I would think one monkey stuck in a barrel would probably get a bit ticked off and opening a whole barrel might just open up a barrel of monkey whup ass. I can’t say that is a fact because I have never nor would I ever place a monkey in a barrel. I’m just saying …

It seems we are having technical difficulties today. Isn’t life a bitch?

I will try again tomorrow

Don’t let a slight imposition such as being in the military stand in the way of a good scam. If I trusted scamming spammers who prey upon the unsuspecting e-mail of the world, I might think that upon seeing a couple of messages in my Hotmail “Junk” box. First there is one from an alleged “Sgt. Ronald Riling” who sent this beaut:

“Attention,

My name is Sgt.Ronald Riling; I’m a US soldier, serving in the military with the Third (3rd) infantry Division in Iraq (US Coalition Force). I and my superior after going on a rampage on Saddam Hussein palace in Baghdad discovered a substantial amount of money. You may need to check out the following BBC website to confirm more of our discovery which was made known to the government, but this particular one is a top secret:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/2988455.stm“

Oh yes, I bet it’s a top secret. I bet it is so secret it doesn’t exist. Please!

The next is from Maj. Tanko, whom I suppose is a cousin to Capt. Hummero and Lt. Howitzero and a step-brother of Sgt. Machineguno. Okay, I have no idea what African nation Maj. Tanko is from but he is indeed a very lucky soldier to have found $20,500,000 … “abandoned sum in my office which was left by the last officer who was on sit (sic?) but he died after a brief illness before me suceeding (sic) him as the new appointed unit chairman.”

Hmm. He was on “sit” but died after a brief illness? Makes perfect sense to me. What is really suspicious is his request:

“I am looking for a honest person in a stable country with a good economy where this fund will be transfered (sic) into.”

He is looking for an honest person. Okay, I’m pretty honest. In a stable country. I suppose the US of A is stable enough. With a good economy. Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! Sorry, you got the wrong place Major Tanko. Try Zimbabwe.

Another stormy afternoon looms over the Upper Texas Coast. But as my Dad used to say: “Let it rain!”

Only recently have I begun to fully appreciate the sentiment my father espoused so often so many years, or now so it seems, ago. I have always liked the rain. I missed rain when I lived in places which had much less rain than with which I was most comfortable. But the fact is, life goes on and watching it from the porch while it rains can be just as great as viewing life from a mountain top or beach on a cloudless day.

Had my Dad not have died 24 years ago he would have been 93 years old today, and had he been where I am this day he probably would be drinking a cold beer and exclaiming: “Let it rain!”

Happy Juneteenth plus one, Pops.

The cast was removed this morning and now I type with a right hand that is both light and carefree. My thumb actually hurts more than when it was encased but hopefully that is just from it having been immobile for a month. I certainly hope so, going under the knife is never a pleasant prospect.

Despite my friend Suzie’s prediction, my hand did not smell like a** after the cast was cut free. It didn’t smell like roses either but it wasn’t all that bad. My hand didn’t itch while enclosed either, something I had mildly feared. The main drawbacks were performing those little tasks light starting the truck’s engine and buttoning my pants.

While waiting for the doc this morning some ladies were talking about a news story concerning this local fellow who found a rat’s head in a can of Allen’s Italian Cut Green Beans he had bought at Wal-Mart. The guy from Beaumont, Texas, right here where I reside, was apparently the second person who has found a rat’s head in a can of Italian Cut Green Beans made by Allen and purchased at Wally World. A lady from Utah also made such a discovery. The company offered her $100 to keep quiet and offered our local chef $200. Hey, if someone makes a third discovery maybe Allen will offer $300, and so on. Yee hah! Let’s go out on a bean quest. Not.

I told the ladies discussing the story this morning that I am surprised Wal-Mart didn’t charge the people extra for the rat’s head. La dee dah. I think I am going to go and have me something safe to eat, like a hot dog.