Eight Feet Deep

Pardon me old chap, but can you point me to the loo?
I’m still in the midst of trying to find a job, but I just couldn’t resist this.

It’s funny but my neighborhood squirrels don’t seem to have an accent.

I will be on a hiatus for most of this week as I have got to find some work. Will return soon.
The proprietor

One knows if the day is going to be a good one when a real Nigerian prince sends you an e-mail.

Yep, I heard from:

PRINCE WILLIAM DUKE

Now it might surprise one if Prince William Duke inherited a sum of money from his royal majesty father. Prince says the amount is $65,000,000 in good old American bills (One would hope Prince didn’t have the entire sum in pennies).

It might even surprise one a bit more to know that said Prince wants to give me some of his $65,000,000 U.S. In fact, Prince and the other royal heirs want to give me 20 percent of $65,000,000 U.S. Isn’t that swell?

I am also very pleased to know that the origin of Prince’s royal windfall did not come from some shady source because Prince William told me so. Therefore, I can rest assured that the FBI won’t come knocking on my door or have the NSA reading my brain waves. This is fantastic. I am so lucky, I might as well be struck by lightning!

Now to all of those people out in blogland (let’s deviate a little today and not use the ‘sphere word)don’t fret. Because all one has to do is flip on the computer, look at the e-mail and one’s very own prince with a princely sum of moolah may be waiting.

Please don’t everyone log on at the same time.

McGruff didn’t catch JonBenet’s killer but he nabbed this old couple for boosting a can of Ensure.

While it is big news that a suspect has finally been arrested in the JonBenet Ramsey case, it is equally noteworthy that the suspect had been a substitute teacher.

It has been more than 20 years since I substitute taught at a couple of country schools in East Texas. Requirements for subs back then were having a pulse and being able to breathe at the same time. Here is just how lax the situation was.

My friend, Warren, was working offshore when I was substitute teaching. He would stay with me on his week off. He mentioned to me one time that he might like to substitute some when he was off. A principal at one of the schools at which I was subbing paged me one morning and said he needed me the next day for classes. I mentioned my friend was interested in substituting and the principal said: “Bring him along!” You should hug your child each day.

Some time later, I did a newspaper story about the lack of requirements for substitute teaching. As I recall there were practically no requirements for subbing in Texas or surrounding states then. I’m sure about Texas but not the other states as it’s been awhile. But requirements for subs in Texas haven’t changed a lot. You must: (a)Be a resident of some galaxy (b)Can by some means of transportation — walking, crawling, driving, etc. — get to school and (c)Know reasonably well how to fend off attacking children.

Usually, schools change their sub policies when a substitute is arrested for some crime. That’s usually too late. Know what I mean when I say: You should hug your child?

A short while ago I drove up Dowlen Road in Beaumont for the first time in awhile. If you live here, I know you might find it hard to believe that I live here and do not regularly travel Dowlen, where all things retail are located.

I noticed the shell of the new H-E-B grocery store going up. It’s a big sumbitch. I heard when it is completed it will be the biggest grocery store in the universe — we don’t yet know about UB313’s — the new planet, or not — grocery structures as of yet. At least the Beaumont, Texas, H-E-B will allegedly be the biggest in the nation. Whether that’s true, I haven’t a clue. People always brag that their something or other is the biggest — park, ball of twine, or fire hydrant. Nonetheless, a fairly good amount of groceries should fit inside the new store.

I realize I am a freak, but I just hope the new store will also have a great volume of customer service. Because generally customer service is becoming an oxymoron in grocery stores and other retail outlets.

H-E-B has another gigantic store in Waco, where I used to live. It had a great wine selection and I hope this new facility will as well. Why hell, if it’s a really great selection, I might just get my tent and move in there. I’m sure they won’t mind.