Eight Feet Deep

You don’t have to be cynical to see what is going on with Congress as they once more try to pass a proposed constitutional amendment that would prohibit burning the U.S. flag.

So what is going on, you ask? Well, it is true that Republicans are appealing to their ultra-right base just months before mid-term elections. Also, if a member of Congress votes against the proposed amendment, it gives their opponent an opportunity to charge that they were FOR burning the flag. Ridiculous you say? Just watch and see if the flag-burning prohibition measure passes.

I haven’t heard of any flag burning in almost 20 years with the exception of the VFW properly torching old, worn-out flags as in the manner of which they should be disposed. I have heard of a few other problems though: inadequate access to health care, high gasoline prices, a war that shouldn’t be fought, influence peddling to Congress, the immigration issue, Social Security insolvency, terrorism … It goes on and on and on.

The American public should take offense at such transparent pandering as is being undertaken by the Republican-controlled Congress. By wanting to gut the Bill of Rights — which is already under attack by the Bush administration — this self-serving political ploy about flags that are hardly endangered cheapens the very object that it allegedly attempts to protect. Reducing our right to freedom of speech is downright unpatriotic. But hey, getting re-elected is more important that being free, right?

It was too bad that I got stuck in traffic on I-45 just north of Huntsville, Texas, yesterday. You see, if I had been stuck just south of Huntsville, I could have had the time to marvel at Big Sam. Big Sam, the roadside statue of our (Republic of Texas) second president, Sam Houston is what gives travelers the will to live after traveling long distances on Interstate 45.

Especially glad was I to see it yesterday after having encountered a traffic jam seemingly in the middle of nowhere. I was driving back from Dallas and managed to keep the cruise control on from where Central Expressway gave way to I-45 until I hit this endless ribbon of cars just outside of Huntsville that was headed south but going nowhere.

How long this line of creep-along traffic was I couldn’t say. That’s because I was just too antagonized to keep track. But I probably spent 45 minutes in this traffic jam. And what was the reason for this massive metallic tail? It was a 1-mile strip of highway that is under construction (although no one was working at the time) that has a barrier which shrinks the interstate from two lanes to one. Only 1 mile long and it probably created a snarl from the Walker County line all the way back to the jerky store in Centerville.

It seems there should be a better way so that traffic does not get all bottled up like this. I mean, we have cell phones, computers, Blackberrys, red berries, strawberries and “American Idol.” Why can’t someone smart come up with something that will make traffic flow much faster and smoother in such conditions?

About halfway into the traffic jam, I saw a so-called “Dynamic Message Sign” just off the shoulder but I couldn’t tell what it said. Just think of all the gas that could be saved with making traffic move along at least at a steady roll. You’d probably have less smog as well. And you would most likely reduce the chance of someone going ape s**t because of the traffic and opening up on other drivers with an AR-15.

Someone out there needs to put their good old American ingenuity to use for something other than figuring out how to steal someone’s identity on the computer. Let’s go geniuses. Traffic is waiting.

“I am much too pretty to have my head stuck in this position.”

It started with a feeling of numbness between my nose and lip. After the numb area seemed to have enlarged, I looked into the mirror and found the right side of my upper lip had swollen.

I went back to my normal routine until a few hours later I noticed the swelling had taken over about 2/3 of my upper lip. I wasn’t sure what I should do so I called the “tele-nurse” at the Houston VA Hospital. She asked me a few questions such as if I was having difficulty breathing or my tongue was swollen. I told her those things hadn’t happened yet. She advised me to go immediately to an emergency room, asking how far the nearest one was. I told her actually one ER was about two or three blocks from my home, but if I wanted to be seen during this same century I would have to go to the one about a mile away. The nurse told me that was fine but that I needed someone to drive me in case I suddenly went into shock.

So I called a friend. Got her voice mail. I called my brother who lives in the same town. Got his voice mail. I said “screw it” and took my chances driving.

In relative or hospital time, I actually was seen fairly soon after arriving — maybe 45 minutes. An older man came in and was seen ahead of me because he was having difficulty breathing, his son said it was from emphysema and asbestiosis. But that was okay. I would wait and feel my lip grow even larger. I finally was given a steroid shot in the butt as well as two Benadryl to take by mouth.

Even though I don’t remember any of the medical professionals I saw talk about it to me, I suppose it was some sort of allergy. And I’m not really sure what it was that made me have such a reaction. But I guess in hindsight I did the right thing by going to the ER. I’ve seen people stung by ants and bees who in the blink of an eye went into anaphylactic shock, which can kill you.

Just another day in the exciting world of eight feet deep.

A soldier of Walt Disney Co.’s Pluto Brigade tracks down elusive Iraqi pirates suspected of violating copyright laws.