Eight Feet Deep

If you looked at world headlines lately and didn’t know about the furor caused by cartoons of the prophet Mohammed, you would swear something is about as not right as it can get.

Nigerian Muslims riot over cartoon protest, 16 dead
4 Wounded in Pakistan Cartoon Protest
Pakistan cracks down on cartoon riots
Police fire on cartoon protest in Pakistan, at least four injured …

People are killed and wounded in a CARTOON protest. Pakistan cracks down on CARTOON riots. At first glance one might think that all of this tumult is taking place in a cartoon rather than over a cartoon. Or perhaps that is the way my mind works when I glance at something that seems to be at odds with the world as I know it.

I will say this: I don’t understand what’s going on with all the rioting. I know what this is all about, but I don’t understand it. My suspicious Western mind believes these are not all spontaneous outbreaks. I don’t think that a large group of Muslims are running into each other on the street corner and saying to one another: “Hey, let’s go burn down the Danish embassy because of the cartoon depicting Mohammed.”

Beyond my suspicions, I just don’t understand people getting so bent out of shape over a cartoon. But then, I’m not a Muslim. I probably won’t ever understand it. I will know what the core arguments are, but fathom it I will not.

When I worked as a reporter I wrote about all kinds of inhumanities that people deliver upon other people. I have written about serial killers, baby killers, crack-n-smack-addled bank robbers with AIDS. But never did I receive the amount of feedback that came after I wrote a story about when authorities took a plethora of domestic animals from a man’s home. The guy had started an animal rescue shelter but could no longer take care of these animals and his entire home and an empty house on his premises were full of cats, dogs, chickens and all the wonderful matter they leave behind. The story hit a nerve and led to a local philanthropist starting a new animal rescue shelter.

What that says is people care deeply about animals. Sometimes you wouldn’t think so with the way some people treat them. But animals arouse a lot of passion among our populace. Just one more example of that is the story I have satirized a bit over the last couple of days concerning Vivi the missing whippet.

Checking my blog stats for yesterday I saw that I had 89 visitors, which is quite a few for this site. Looking at the origins of these visitors, including what searches they made on Google or elsewhere that landed them on EFD, I saw that 32 of those 89 visitors had been searching for news about Vivi. There was one visitor from Vestsjalland, Taastrup, Denmark, another from the LA County Sheriff’s Office, and those from just about wherever else.

I point this out because I think that it is an interesting phenomenon and shows that any newspaper editor or TV news supervisor who thinks animal stories are without value should perhaps be in another business.

P.S. The search for Vivi enters Day 3. A nation holds its breath.

Have you seen this dog?
Name: Champion Bohem C’est La Vie
Answers to “Vivi.”
Why answers to Vivi?
Because it’s a dog.
Age: 3
Last seen: JFK Airport, New York

Still no word on Vivi, the Westminster Kennel Club merit award winner that decided it was not quite ready to leave the Big Apple Wednesday. Reports indicated the whippet, which is sort of small terrier-greyhound-like dog, led airport workers on a chase in their automobiles. The workers reportedly clocked the dog going 25 mph. That leads me to wonder why they were clocking how fast the dog was going? Did they plan on giving it a ticket? Even more curious is this paragraph in the story:

“Dog experts say that whippets are known to run off and hide for as long as four days before re-emerging, and some know how to hunt.”

By dog experts, do they mean ALL dog experts? How do you get to be a dog expert? And how do you get all of them to agree on anything? Do dog experts have “Dog Expert” on their business cards? Secondly, I wish one of these so-called “dog experts” would tell us what whippets do when they are hiding. Do they wear disguises? Do they get a hair coat and try to pass themselves off as Afghan Hounds? And as to the point that some know how to hunt, do they drink beer before they hunt like SOMEONE WE KNOW?

These are real hunk-a-hunk-a-burning questions that I have.

Afterthoughtitis: After checking the above link, I also found the story headline to be rather odd. It says the dog ran away at a high speed. 25 mph? That’s a high speed? Perhaps it is in New York City. At first glance it might seem a relatively fast speed for a dog. But according to infoplease.com, a whippet’s top speed is 35.5 mph. So actually the dog wasn’t even running at its supposed top end. So, I think we’ve beaten that dead horse (top speed less than 1 mph).

My most recent obsession: dogs.

First, some late-breaking news. It seems one of our whippets is missing. That’s not one of MY whippets because I have neither a whippet nor anyone to make it OUR. That is, of course, if you don’t take into account my long-standing invisible friend, The Apostle Paul. Yes, THAT Aspostle Paul. It’s a long story. Be that as it may, a 3-year-old whippet named Vivi has apparently bolted from its cage at JFK Airport after having won a merit award at the Westminster Kennel Club’s doggie extravaganza in New York, New York. I suppose Vivi just wants to have fun. No?

I had to take a look at this Web site to remind me what a whippet looked like. They’re cute dogs, decended from greyhounds and terriers, with a pleasant-looking, angular snout.

A bigger contrast there could not be between the whippet and the bull terrier, which is the breed of Rufus, that won the Westminister. Here is what the New York Daily News had to say about Rufus:

“Rufus may have won the Westminster Kennel Club show, but plenty of New Yorkers think the bull terrier with a jumbo snout could just as easily fetched the ugly stick.”

Ouch! Now that was uncalled for.

What put me on this road to Hell that is paved with obsessions is a little dog I saw on my walk this morning.

The dog was tied up in someone’s backyard and was yapping a way. I can’t say I blame the poor thing. I don’t particularly like to be tied up and left in the backyard either, although … Well, let’s just skip that thought. This dog was a Doberman in miniature (a Miniature Doberman perhaps?)It looked and barked like a Doberman that had been crossed with a Chihuahua. What do you call those dogs anyway? A Doberhuahua. No, that sounds like an electric guitar pedal. Nonetheless, I thought the dog was rather odd looking. As someone who used to share space with a Doberman-Great Dane mix who went by the name of Cochise, the little dog I saw just somehow didn’t look quite Doberman-ish (If that is a word. If not, what ya going to do about it?)

I just hope Vivi is safe and sound, and Rufus finds true love. Meanwhile, the Apostle Paul and I will just go grab a bite for supper. I swear it will be the last supper … that we have today.
(Ed. note: Perhaps the last supper reference is too inside baseball. Nonetheless, Paul reminds me of Billy Preston, the so-called “Fifth Beatle.” Okay, go pour through your theological texts and get back to me. And please, don’t wait up.)

“I shot a lawyer and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.”

The public probably received the closest replica of a mea culpa that will ever be delivered by Vice President Dick Cheney over his shooting in South Texas of bird hunting partner, Harry Whittingon, on Saturday.

Cheney appeared last evening for an interview on Fox News, big surprise there. During the interview he took responsibility for shooting his friend while hunting and said how the news was given to the press was handled correctly. Also, no big surprise.

I’m sure that die-hard fans and true believers of Dick Cheney and the Bush administration are probably bouncing off the walls with glee. In essence, Cheney told the media to get hosed, a sentiment that resonates with many Bush-Cheney supporters. I guess from that point of view maybe Cheney did the right thing for his side. But there comes a point in time where obstinacy and arrogance becomes just pure stupidity. One has to wonder if the vice president’s actions are the right ones for his party, coming from an administration that seems to keep shooting itself in the foot, metaphorically speaking. The problem for the Republican party is that the self-inflicted foot shooting has become closer to reality than metaphor.

I don’t care one way or the other. Entertainment is about the best we can expect out of Washington these days.