Eight Feet Deep

It seems that the TSA is set to allow certain sharp objects to once again be taken aboard commercial airplanes. Apparently TSA officials feel the time of its limited number of screeners would be better spent searching grandmothers for suicide bombs rather than scissors.

Passengers will also be allowed to carry certain tools with them when boarding. It is still unclear whether tools such as mill bastards, flat bastards or garden variety bastards will be permitted on board. Until the TSA has all its files in order perhaps it would be wise to leave your bastards at home.

I don’t care whether you’re the president of Microsoft you damn well need to slow your ass down in these parts, Bubba!

I will be operating under an assumption today. Please scrub in.
I spent five hours waiting to see a doctor at the VA today. When the doctor saw me, he spent about five minutes with me, wrote me a prescription and ordered an MRI. Medicine is so anticlimactic.

Those who have used the Department of Veterans Affairs medical system for any length of time come to expect long waits. I don’t know what takes so damn long, but that is just the way it is. The VA is a model for socialized medicine. And a very bad one at that.

But it isn’t just the VA that makes you wait for a doctor. I don’t think I’ve ever been seen what I would call “quickly” by a physician. If I was paranoid I would think that maybe doctors wait to see if you will die so they can say: “Hey, you’re not dead yet. I’m a hell of a medical practitioner am I not?”

I have seen and been seen by doctors from the time I was first whacked on the butt 50 years ago. And I don’t see that doctors have gotten any faster at seeing patients. Maybe they’re even a little slower. But I don’t look for any big changes anytime soon.

But here is a little capitalistic experiment to chew over. I’m not saying it would be good. It might be downright ghastly and dangerous. What if doctors had money subtracted from their fees if they did not see you in a timely manner? This happens in construction projects, such as in building big buildings or highways. The contractor is given incentives for getting the job done quicker. They have money subtracted from their contract if they don’t meet certain deadlines. I actually think such a model or something similar is being done by some hospital emergency rooms. I just think it is an interesting concept. I don’t know how much I would be willing to pay extra to be seen more rapidly. And frankly, I don’t know if medicine in a hurry is any better than medicine where time stands still.

Not once but twice this morning I awoke after having dreamed about lists. I was going down these lists and performing tasks related to them. Just what exactly the tasks were I cannot remember. It was a very tedious exercise both times. Dreaming in tedium is, well, rather tedious. Jeez, I really hate working in my dreams. Sometimes I think I may be the hardest working man in Dreamland.

“I don’t have to move to be stunning. I may be a plastic woman but I am the kind of plastic woman who doesn’t melt when exposed to extreme heat. I am cold as ice. I am sizzling hot. I want … your money!”

“Ahhh. This I cannot stand, this poverty. I am so poor I must grow my own shoes. I have a date tonight and my shoes are not yet ripe. Please excuse me while I water my shoes.”

Right guy: “It is I who am a very pretty, pretty boy. I will be a very pretty boy for a very long time.”
Left guy: “I cannot understand what you are saying because I am so very pretty. Nothing else exists in my mind except my exceptional looks. Did you say something?”