Eight Feet Deep

Katrina response problems take White House toll. Miss Beazley promoted to First Dog.
Reacting to growing criticism over the federal government’s response to the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, White House officials announced President Bush has replaced Barney as First Dog.

White House sources say the president asked Vice President Dick Cheney to deliver the news to Barney on Friday that “he was toast.” Barney reportedly did not take well to the news.

“Since dogs can’t say f*** you, Mr. Cheney, Barney bit the vice president’s right ankle and held on for about two minutes until Secret Service agents removed the dog from Mr. Cheney’s leg,” said a high-placed administration source who asked not to be identified, “because Laura would really be pissed.”

A reason for Barney’s firing was not immediately given by the Bush administration. However, the high-placed source said he believed it had something to do with “eating federal disaster recovery plans left on my, oops, I mean the president’s, desk in the Oval Office.”

Tension between the First Family and First Dog had been growing in recent months, according to another White House source.

“During a family breakfast in Crawford last month (co-First Daughter)Jenna accused Barney of cutting one,” the official said, referring to the dog passing gas.

It’s too bad something catastrophic has to happen to bring out the best in humanity. Of course, our worst traits also surface as well.

Last night, for instance, I was appalled at a report I saw on a local television station about how they were inundated with rumors about rampant crime caused by the influx of evacuees here in Beaumont, Texas, from the hurricane. I just chalk it up to human nature in the wake of such a disaster plus being fueled by this Rumor-o-Rama machine that we play around on all the time called the Internet. Still I get ticked off at my fellow man (or woman) for automatically assuming the worst. I also cannot help but think a lot of such concerns are based in race and economic stature.

But screw that. I was moved almost to tears today at Reed’s laundromat on Phelan Boulevard. A lady who was an evacuee was washing clothes and the Asian gentleman who runs the laundry along with his wife came up and gave the evacuee gratis quarters for the machine. The lady was smiling but wiping tears from her eyes. I just stared at the machines in front of me. Last Friday, I had an assignment I was working on so I left my laundry at Reed’s to let them do it. Mrs. Kim, I believe is the lady’s name who runs the laundromat, told me when I picked up the laundry that they were giving evacuees a discount. I told her that was a very nice thing to do.

When I got home later that day I realized a sheet set of mine was missing. I didn’t draw any inference between the missing sheet set and the evacuees. I figured the sheets and pillowcases were just misplaced and I would probably never see them again. Fortunately, Mrs. Kim called me Sunday morning and told me she had found them. The world was suddenly much brighter.

Another instance of the kindness of strangers proved helpful today. This time, it was helpful to me.

I had lost the cell phone number of my friends Dave and Betti in Gulfport, Miss. I somehow felt they were okay but didn’t know how to contact them. I finally posted on a missing person’s blog through the Sun Herald newspaper in Biloxi. Still, I heard nothing.

Finally, yesterday I found a message posted by a woman named Mary Pyles whom I believe was in South Carolina. She was looking for her sister and her sister’s children in Gulfport. These people apparently lived in the same block as Dave and Betti, so I e-mailed Mary. She e-mailed me back this morning telling me she found her family members alive and well. Mary also said her sister lived behind Dave and Betti and Mary’s sister told her my friends’ house sustained only minor damage, and that she saw my friends out in the yard. I e-mailed my phone number back to Mary to pass along to her sister. Hopefully, I will hear from my friends soon. When I do, I plan to tell Betti — whom I have known for 30 years — that I knew she was too damned contrary to let a killer hurricane get her down.

PS Isn’t that a cool photo of the old Biloxi Lighthouse, standing there all defiant amid the ruins? It was built in 1848, was rebuilt because of erosion in 1860 and has stood through everything nature has thrown at it since. This photo is just a little signal that the Mississippi Gulf Coast may be down but it’s by no means finished.

Does the name Tommy Flanagan ring a bell? He was the pathological liar played by Jon Lovitz in the late 80s version of “Saturday Night Live.” He would just make up patently false statements as he went along and would spike them with the catch phrase “Yeah, that’s the ticket.”

Reading about FEMA director Michael Brown today brought back memories of lying Tommy Flanagan.

First came from reading the “Time” magazine story which uncovers Flanagan, er, Brown perhaps “padded” his resume a bit. Among that padding is reportedly this from his official FEMA bio:

“His background in state and local government also includes serving as an assistant city manager with emergency services oversight … “

Well, his old boss and former Edmond, Okla., city manager said Brown was actually an assistant to the city manager, not an assistant city manager. He was in fact a college intern, according to the Time story.

“Yes. Mike Brown worked for me. He was my administrative assistant. He was a student at Central State University,” recalls former city manager Bill Dashner. “Mike used to handle a lot of details. Every now and again I’d ask him to write me a speech. He was very loyal. He was always on time. He always had on a suit and a starched white shirt.”

He was always wearing a suit and a starched shirt. Well there you go. That’s the ticket!

Brown apparently had other instances of “padding,” the Time story went on to say. But you have to hand it to Brown, he is a leader of such genius that not only can he spin a web of yarn but gets his PR flak to say the allegations of his resume padding are lies, vicious lies.

” … Nicol Andrews, deputy strategic director in FEMA’s office of public affairs, insists that while Brown began as an intern, he became an “assistant city manager” with a distinguished record of service. “According to Mike Brown,” she says, “a large portion [of the points raised by TIME] is very inaccurate.”

He also ran a 2-minute mile, played defensive end for Kansas City and dated Morgan Fairchild. Yeah, that’s the ticket!

Not only did his own PR flak provide him cover, so did the president’s top PR man, Scotty (I know noth-ing) McClellan. I give you this from today’s White House press briefing:

“Q Has Mike Brown resigned?

MR. McCLELLAN: No.

Q Has the President asked for his resignation today?

MR. McCLELLAN: No.

Q Does the President have full faith and confidence in Mike Brown?

MR. McCLELLAN: Again, what we are continuing to do is to support those in the region who are carrying out the operational activities. We continue to appreciate the work of all those who have been working round-the-clock.”

An hour later it was time for Brown’s boss, Department of Homeland Security Michael Chertoff, to make the truth sound a lot better than it actually is:

“The effort to respond and recover from Hurricane Katrina is moving forward. We are preparing to move from the immediate emergency response phase to the next phase of operations. Importantly, we must have seamless interaction with military forces as we move forward with our critical work in New Orleans and the surrounding parishes. At the same time, we are still in hurricane season and need to be prepared to deal effectively with the possibility of future hurricanes and other disasters.

“Therefore, I have directed Mike Brown to return to administering FEMA nationally, and I have appointed Vice Admiral Thad Allen of the Coast Guard as the Principal Federal Official (PFO) overseeing Hurricane Katrina response and recovery effort in the field.”

Just like GW said last week, you’re doing a heck of a job Brownie.

Wait that sounds a little like Brownie was sacked. Yeah. That’s the ticket.

You would be amazed to discover what is needed most in the areas hardest hit by Hurricane Katrina, according to FEMA. No it isn’t food. It’s not water. It’s not shelter. No you can’t even guess. What apparently is most lacking in those places devastated by the storm are public relations people. WMAQ-TV in Chicago has a story about a group of Indiana firefighters who went to assist Katrina survivors through FEMA. Here is what happened:

“In a document that went out from the Federal Emergency Management Agency, the agency asked for firefighters with very specific skills and who were capable of working in austere conditions. When they got to a center in Atlanta, they found out their jobs would be public relations.
” ‘Our job was to advertise a phone number for FEMA,” said Portage (Ind.) Assistant Fire Chief Bill Lundy. “We were going to be given shirts and hats with a phone number on it and flyers, and sent to shelters, and we were going to pass out flyers.’ “

That’s right. People who are specially trained in rescue and handling the most dire emergency situations were wanted for walking advertisements. The firefighters, who were also trained in tactical medicine, stuck around for awhile to determine if they were actually going to be used for their skills. When they found out they were not, they came home to Indiana. Who can blame them?

Doesn’t the government have enough PR flaks? Each and every government agency I know of has public relations people at every level in every department and out the ying-yang. A lot of private companies also have lucrative contracts with the government to provide for or advise government agencies on public relations.

This PRWatch story lists some of the multi-million contracts different firms have with an assortment of government agencies. It is certainly not an exhaustive list for I know that the mega-everything-corporation Booz Allen Hamilton also is providing PR for the Army.

I certainly can see no reason why FEMA would want to waste the time of firefighters who have valuable jobs to do in their own community by having them hand out fliers. I guess FEMA needs all the good PR that it can get.