Eight Feet Deep

It is encouraging to know that insane people are so well represented in the U.S. Congress. The problem is that these representatives probably don’t realize just how disturbed they really are. My example is Republican U.S. Rep. Tom Tancredo of Colorado.

All the while that I thought Tancredo was a one-trick pony with his obsession over Mexican immigration, little did I realize that he apparently considers himself an expert in strategic military issues as well. An example is an exchange Friday with radio talk show host Pat Campbell on WFLA in Orlando, Fla. Campbell asked what the U.S. response to a nuclear attack by terrorists should be. Here is what old Tom Tancredo said:

“Well, what if you said something like – if this happens in the United States, and we determine that it is the result of extremist, fundamentalist Muslims, you know, you could take out their holy sites,” Tancredo answered.

“You’re talking about bombing Mecca,” Campbell said.

“Yeah,” Tancredo responded.

What a brilliant man. Such an act would transform a small number of extremists into millions of extremists worldwide. What a total idiot.

Tancredo, who some say may be a presidential candidate in 2008, later released a statement that he was just throwing ideas out there. Next thing you know he’ll be favoring a pre-emptive strike on the Mormons in Salt Lake City.

What is it about certain days that bring on cravings for particular dishes? I’ve got my mind on étouffée and these thoughts will surely not disappear until after I cook and stuff myself with this wonderful entree.

Although I love Cajun food, I have not cooked a lot of such dishes until recently when I moved back to Cajun Texas. It’s laziness, I suppose and on these hot days I want to just get in the kitchen and get out. But I did find a recipe for étouffée that I decided to try and it was so good it would make you slap your grandma. That’s just an expression for shock value. I would have never slapped my grandma although my dad, her son-in-law, was surely tempted on a number of occasions.

I found the recipe on a Web site called The Gumbo Pages and found it is an excellent site to read up on Cajun culture and cuisine. I chose the shrimp étouffée route over crawfish because I am a lazy slob and would rather be drowned in a roux than have to go to more than one grocery store per shopping excursion. And to find decent crawfish tails — at a decent price — around here would mean I would have to actually shop, God forbid.

It was an enlightening experience deciding which étouffée recipe to choose. I settled on the Marc Savoy variety, although as I said I used shrimp rather than crawfish. I say enlightening because I never really gave much thought about what went into étouffée. But it is a relatively simple dish to cook and if done correctly pays off in a meal in which your taste buds will perform cartwheels and perhaps roll over and play dead for more!

Fortunately, the first time I made the étouffée I hit a ringer. I don’t always do that trying something new. Hopefully, I will be able to duplicate those results later this evening. If you don’t hear from me again you will know something didn’t go right. I know this is a dangerous mission but somebody’s got to do it. So wish me luck! Thank you. Thankyouverymuch.

One would surmise that the phone prank was invented along with the telephone. Alexander Graham Bell’s words in his very first phone call were rife for a phone prank:

“Mr. Watson, come here. I want you.”

Hopefully, Mr. Bell didn’t say he wanted Watson “badly” or “right here.” Nonetheless, practical jokes were a natural for the telephone because the caller’s face is not shown. Thus, the classic practical telephone joke evolved along with popular culture, such as the joke with Prince Albert pipe tobacco.

“The brand gained widespread recognition, perhaps infamously, due to the classic prank call, where the caller asks if the store has ‘Prince Albert in a can’ and when the unexpecting clerk responds ‘yes’, the caller follows up with ‘you better let him out, because he is suffocating!” says this passage from Wikipedia. “Despite this negative publicity, Prince Albert is one of the more popular independent brands of tobacco in the US. More recently, it has also become available in the form of pipe-tobacco cigars.”

I don’t know how recent that information is. Since I have long since quit smoking and even longer since quit smoking pipes, I have no idea if Prince Albert tobacco is still being sold. I searched the Web for its parent company, John Middleton Inc., and all I can find is various lawsuit information. Wow, do you think Prince Albert finally suffocated?

Certainly not Prince Albert of Monaco. The son of the late Prince Rainier and American actress Grace Kelly just recently took the throne. I have no idea if anyone ever played that phone prank on him. I kind of doubt it.

The phone prank, as practiced by kids, has over time become more — involved. I hesitate to use the word “sophisticated.” Many morning radio shows employ phone tricks, some successfully, others quite hideously. Any number of entertainers have made their bones by phone tricks. The ones who come to mind are of the cracker-barrel type such as Roy D. Mercer and Willie P. Richardson. And then there was that show “Crank Yonkers” with the puppets on Comedy Central which I thought was pretty lame.

I don’t know. Not everyone can pull off a phone prank and some jokes are less funny than intimidating or even stupid. I think successfully executing such jokes have much more impact when you are 7 years old than when you’re 49. But then I never was much of a practical joker. Just an impractical one.

The view from KFDM-TV 6 weather cam at Pleasure Island

After a month or more of suffering through the Southeast Texas heat we finally have got a day like the one for which I moved here. It’s a rainy or otherwise cloudy Friday. The temperature and humidity taken together makes it feel a pleasant 87 degrees, the last I checked with the weather service.

It was nice enough for me to sit today, for the first time, on my landing while I read a military thriller by Stephen Coonts. Mind candy. I love it.

I plucked the above weather cam off the local CBS affiliate. The station has weather cams outside their station on Interstate 10 in Beaumont, Texas, and one at Pleasure Island in Port Arthur, Texas. I don’t particularly find I-10 attractive so I went with the marina shot.

Pleasure Island, about 25 miles southeast of here, is a man-made island about 18 miles long. It is surrounded by Sabine Lake — more a bay than a lake — and the Gulf Intracoastal canal. According to this history from the Pleasure Island Commission Web site:

“The U. S. Corps of Engineers created Pleasure Island from deposits dredged while constructing the Port Arthur Canal, completed in 1899, and the Sabine Neches Intracoastal Waterway, completed in 1908.

“In 1913 a dance hall and roller coaster were constructed. In 1941 a private investor built the Pleasure Pier Ballroom, a midway, an Olympic-size swimming pool, and the largest roller coaster in the south. A fine 18-hole golf course was enjoyed for years. Pleasure Island was Port Arthur’s playground for decades until the Pleasure Pier bridge, which opened in 1931 and was frequently hit by ships, was taken out of service in 1967, making it difficult to reach the island. Storms, fires, and erosion eventually destroyed all of the existing facilities.”

Of course, nothing will take the wind out of your sails like ships repeatedly ramming your bridges. And not to mention fires, erosion and storms. Pleasure Island?
It sounds more like the Island of Doom.

But there is nothing like the U.S. dollar to transform chicken shit into chicken salad. In recent years development has taken place and another bridge there, the Martin Luther King Bridge, now connects Texas and Louisiana.

Wonderful, marvelous. The empire is saved! I have only passed through Pleasure Island coming back from Cameron, Louisiana. Maybe I will stop and check it out sometime. In the meantime, I am content to read my book and enjoy a rainy afternoon.

President Macapagal-Arroyo
Seldom do I take a close look at spam but the “From” line caught my eye this afternoon. It said: “Imelda Arroyo.” Okay, knowing that Philippine President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo is being accused of stealing votes during her last election and thousands are calling for her ouster, I thought I would bite. After all, Imelda is the name of the wife of famous Philippine dictator Ferdinand Marcos. You remember, she’s the one with all the shoes. Their actress-model daughter, Imee, is a member of the Philippine House of Representatives and is one of those wanting Arroyo (GMA as they call her) removed from office.

Well, it turned out the spam was trying to sell me Cialis and Viagra, which was to be expected. Although I do not quite what to make of the text below the pitch for the drugs:

“Mrs. Chillips most impressive remarks. Mrs. Chillip, he whether I should pretend that I was not well, and fly – I dont any real service; but she is so attached to me that my visit will And yet, he added, Masr Davy, I have felt so sure as she was Oh. Personally. repeated Mr. Jorkins, in an impatient manner. indeed. She took her home, said Mr. Peggotty, covering his face with his man, is there anything that anyone can do for you? If know, sir, that I attribute my past follies, entirely to having him, with the majority of a lobster on his plate, eating his dinner … “

It gal and Rep. Imee Marcos

That spam message is all about as crystal clear as the strange and often deadly soap opera of “Who’s Governing the Philippines Today?” over the past 50 or so years.

Opponents want GMA — who attended Georgetown University with Bill Clinton and who is daughter of Diosdado Macapagal who preceded Ferdinand Marcos as president — gone regardless. Imee Marcos and others have said actress Susan Roces should be installed as president if GMA is toppled. Roces’ husband, the late actor Fernando Poe Jr., was defeated by GMA in 2004. You with me so far?

GMA took office in 2001 after Philippine President Joseph “Erap” Estrada (yeah, you guessed it, another actor)fled from office after a revolt in the wake of his impeachment trial for corruption.

Also among those who want GMA to go is former President Corazon Aquino. “Cory,” as she is known, became president after Marcos was booted from office in a 1986 revolt. You may also not be surprised to know that Aquino’s daughter, Kris, is (what else?) a movie star and is also known as “Queen of Talk” for hosting Philippine television talk shows.

With ever-present Islamic guerrillas kidnapping and killing people on the Philippine islands along with the political turmoil, there is no telling what is going to happen in the latest installment of this lovely Pacific nation’s history. But it ought to make for one hell of a movie. And, they’ve got plenty of actors who should know their parts.