Players all say first down; zebras puzzled


It all depends on the headline or story one reads today as to who is ahead in the 2006 mid-term congressional elections. For instance, the conservative United Press International (See “Washington Times” and its owners, the Unification Church of Sun Myung Moon) see the G.O.P. catching up to the Dems:

Republicans gain ground ahead of elections

From the land of Nancy Pelosi, the San Francisco Bay Area’s abc7news.com:

Day Left: GOP Making Push, But Democrats’ Lead Still Significant

From our friends in Johannesburg, South Africa, at the “Mail and Guardian:”


Democrats tipped to regain House in US elections

And lest we not forget the “Weekly World News:”

Video report: Bigfoot Tracks Indicate Salsa Lessons

I suspect the truth out there, Bigfoot not included, lies somewhere between the conventional wisdom of the Democrats taking the House and just possibly the Senate, to there being some kind of martial law imposed by Gee Dubya who will declare himself “President for Life.” Who the hell knows, huh Bubba?

A lot of what is going on in these last minutes before election day seems to be something akin to football players who signal they’ve got a first down after a fumble when in fact they really don’t know for sure. I don’t know why football players do this. I must ask one one day. But my WAG (Wild Ass Guess) is that players on both sides of a fumble who signal they have a first down do so as a) wishful thinking; b) perception that their gesturing might somehow influence the officials (a.k.a. the zebras); or c) they just washed their hands and can’t do a thing with them.

If you want to know my prediction, here it is: I don’t know who all will win in the final outcome. I don’t even know when a final outcome might take place because both sides have their lawyers ready because no challenge is too silly or ridiculous for a bunch of election lawyers and partisan hacks.

Call me cynical if you will. Then call me when this nightmare is over.

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