The dead Colonel introduces the "real" chicken sandwich, hold the bun

Sitting here,  struggling with my diet, the last thing that I need is the smell of fried chicken wafting through the computer screen.

But I swear I am smelling that old KFC crispy as I sit and look onscreen at the larger-than-life image of the Colonel’s — no matter however long he’s been dead — latest fare. Yeah buddy, the KFC “Double Down” is a chicken sandwich in the truest sense of the word. Two slices of bacon, two slices of Monterrey Jack and pepper jack cheeses, and the Colonel’s “Secret Sauce” (Someone’s secret sauce scares the  bejesus out of me) between two boneless breast fillets of FRIED CHICKEN.

You can get a grilled Double Down. It has nine grams of fat less than the fried, which weighs in at 32 grams of fat, the fried that is. The grilled also offers 80 less calories. The bad news — unless you are a salt freak or have no blood pressure — the grilled sandwich contains 50 more milligrams of sodium than the fried for a whopping total of 1,430 mg of sodium. Makes you want to sing about being somebody’s Salty Dog! Yee Haa.

That’s pretty decadent. Too bad I can’t eat it. Or six fat buffalo wings covered with melted provolone cheese between two supreme thick crust pizzas with pecan pie for dessert. Now we’re talking!

Chicken is supposed to be good for you. So two chicken breast patties must be even better, right? You can just hear the change start rattling in the pockets of thousands of heart surgeons.