Thoughts from Mr. Titanium Neck


If you are bored out of your mind, want to watch something gross and have about 22 minutes to kill go here, scroll down a skosh and select either broadband or modem connection for an entertaining video.

Actually I can image the video would probably entertaining to someone on drugs. The video is all about performing a surgical procedure called “anterior cervical discectomy with fusion.” I strongly suggest that you be on drugs — a general anesthetic at least — when you have this surgery performed. You also will want to take drugs for quite awhile after the surgery is done.

I had this surgery four years ago. Basically, a surgeon makes a small incision in your neck, pushes your vocal apparatus to one side and starts doing something akin to an engine overhaul on your cervical spine. The neurosurgeon cuts out discs, or parts of discs, as well as bone spurs, cactus, mesquite, wheat, chaff or whatever other flora or fauna that happens to be taking up residence in your spinal column. What happens next varies with surgeon and patient. They may take a piece of bone from a dead person or they may snatch a chunk of bone from your iliac crest because your hip wasn’t doing anything with it anyway. That’s what the surgeon did to me. Then the doctor took a titanium plate and fastened the hip bone and plate to my spine with screws. You think I’m kidding? He literally screwed up my spine. Yet interestingly enough, no one has ever called me “Old Ass Neck.”

This is a fairly routine surgery these days, but although it’s not brain surgery it’s only a few inches away from it. I found myself mesmerized looking at how the surgery was done in the video and the narrative given sounds something like a cross between a talk with your local mechanic and someone on Star Trek.

The first thing I remembered waking up in recovery was that I hurt way too much to be dead so I figured that was a positive sign. Actually, the hip incision is what hurts the most and endures for quite sometime.

The surgery was successful in that it corrected some neurological problems I was having such as my left hand being almost completely numb. It gave me some relief from pain although pain doesn’t really stray too far with an arthritic spine. My neck pain has worsened recently although I don’t want to dwell on it because I don’t write this blog to remind myself of my aches and pain.

It was actually kind of hard for me to watch the surgical video, truth be told. It is rather unsettling to see someone do something downright unpleasant to someone else that has been done to you. At least that’s my opinion. And to paraphrase Leslie Gore: It’s my blog and I’ll opine if I want to, opine if I want to, opine if I want to. You’d opine too if it happened to you. Or maybe you wouldn’t.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *