Wal-Mart's "Speedy Checkout": The ultimate oxymoron?

My checking out at Wal-Mart this afternoon must have set a new personal worst. I figure that it took me an average of 1.3 minutes to self-scan each of the 13 items I purchased.

The usual Wal-Mart self-scan problems reared their ugly head. I couldn’t get items to scan, no way, no how. I tried entering the bar code and it failed to register the item each time. The machine told me to take the item out of the bag and put it on the scanner. I called the self-scan assistance person about four times.

I see more problems with Wal-Mart self-scan machines than at any other retailer that uses them. I don’t know what causes the problems. It seems like — for one thing — the little glass cover over the scanner usually looks smudged and smeared, as if it needs cleaning. Whether that causes items not to register, I don’t know because I am not technically savvy about those machines or almost any other type of machinery.

But I do know I experience problems practically every time I use Wal-Mart’s self-scan. I also hear others complain. Go to “Google” and type in “Wal-Mart” “self-scan checkout” and see what kind of complaints you will see.

Why not go to a regular cashier and check out? Why it is for the exact reason I use self-scan machines in the first place. Usually there are long lines. If the cashier needs assistance with an item there is no telling how long it will take him or her to get it. If there is a computer problem of any kind with the register, it is like a Level I national emergency. And there are individual complaints that make me veer toward the U-Scan rather than the cashier.

Wal-Mart should, by now, realize their self-scan machines are for the most part, junk. The company should do something about it. Because one of these days, sure as shootin’, someone who already has had the Mother of all bad days is going to try to check out at the Wal-Mart self-scan and encounter major problems that make him (probably but could be her) berserk and he is going to take a hammer or shovel or some tool he was about to purchase and start walloping the machine until it turns into something unrecognizable. The shopper will, of course, be arrested and taken to jail.

Such incidents ultimately wind up on the news and one has to think Wal-Mart is going to end up the bad guy with such an incident. That can’t be good, unless Wal-Mart thinks any publicity is good publicity. Personally, I don’t think a company that has become as huge as it is did so by employing such a philosophy. I could be wrong, but I don’t think so.