What d'ya think, sport?

Is dancing with a linebacker really a sport?

The local daily newspaper, The Beaumont Enterprise, has an interesting interactive question running on their Website that asks readers what they consider sports and what they don’t think of as a sport.

Of course, this is one of those questions that begs a very personal and individual response, so trying to derive a conclusion after reading some of the responses from some of these geniuses who have replied is a guaranteed “lose-lose.” It is kind of a fun question though. Are sports only those activities where one is competing against others, or is it a sport when you are competing against nature, the laws of physics, time, space, yourself, a big ass volcano or what?

Back in college we used to consider drinking as a sport. We played the game “Quarters” using shots of tequila or whisky. I guess on a larger scale we actually considered getting drunk as a sport. “Australian Rules Drunk,” as my friend Dr. Warren, would say. It was when you got so drunk you puked on your OWN shoes.

But as middle age snaps us up like a frog on a fly we have to consider the type of pastime in which we want to indulge, or not. And if we have a modicum of sense it will be something not hastening our ultimate demise. In other words: skydiving. But is it really a sport? Actually, I have had thoughts about skydiving. Perhaps it is something I should talk about with a mental health professional.

I have friends who like golf. But is it a sport? Or hunting or fishing or collecting miniatures? I don’t know. Since I considered the question it really has made me think about the very nature of sport, which my dictionary says is a)an often competitive athletic activity requiring skill or physical prowess b)diversion or recreation c)jest d)mockery, ridicule e)a sportsmanlike person f) a debonair person or bonvivant g) an organism that shows a genetic deviation; mutation. Huh?

With such a diverse set of definitions practically any activity including insult, the act of being sporty or being a giant mutant Ninja turtle can be a sport. This really doesn’t settle anything as far as the original question of what is sport. But next time I choose to insult someone I will give them ample time for a reply. You know, a sporting chance.

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