Month: August 2005

Gen. Douglas MacArthur was using a figure of speech when he said: “Old soldiers never die.” But the Pentagon literally wants some old soldiers in their midst. The Defense Department has asked Congress to boost the enlistment age from 35 to 42. Since I am knock, knock, knockin’ on 50’s door right now, I am not in any position to call someone who is 42 years young, old. But 42 is around the age many military people retire and it seems kind of high end to start a new career as a soldier.

Because of the military’s reliance on the National Guard in Iraq, it isn’t uncommon to see those in their 50s being called up. My brother told me about a classmate of his who was being recalled to duty in the Guard and sent to Iraq. My brother is 62!

I don’t know how I feel about this proposal. I’m sure a good many people could hack basic training and going to war at 42. I would not have been one of them, but I paid my military dues as a younger man. What I do know is the Pentagon’s request shows the fix the military is finding itself in with recruitment challenges against the backdrop of the situation in Iraq.

And I kind of cringed when I heard it was Dr. David Chu asking the House Armed Services Committee to raise the age. Chu is the Under Secretary of Defense for personnel matters who made the astonishing statement to The Wall Street Journal in January that the amount of money going toward benefits for military retirees and veterans was “hurtful” to the nation’s defense. I guess it’s okay with Chu, and the administration for that matter, for youngsters and the middle-aged to go off and risk getting killed in war just as long as the government doesn’t have to pay for those soldiers’ retirement. It is just mind-boggling.

Someone once said that the Army isn’t black or white. It’s green. Well, it may be gray too, along with the other services.

Okay, I do admit sending the occasional fan e-mail. Most times the person I am writing doesn’t write back. Not so with Stephan Pastis, creator of my favorite comic strip, “Pearls Before Swine” that is linked on my blogroll.

Stephan is a former attorney who was able to syndicate his very funny and thought-provoking strip. To be quite frank, I was thinking of giving up reading the comics altogether until I came across Pearls. I see a lot of myself in both the Pig and Rat, the strip’s two main and diametrically opposed characters.

In an e-mail today, Stephan asked if I knew anyone who read the “Star-Telegram” in Fort Worth and if so, would I ask them to write the editors to request Pearls be included in their comics. So I ask all of you who might read the Startlegram to help a brother out. Write the editors and say you grew up reading the Star-Telegram and that it helps you breathe more easily and slows down your heart rate from a dangerous to an acceptable rhythm. Then, tell them you want “Pearls Before Swine” in their comics.

The world needs more of the Rat and Pig, not to mention the Zeeba neighbas.

Perhaps I shouldn’t have bragged about the air quality improving in my city. For the last two days we have been under what is called here an “Ozone Action Day.” These are forecasts for ground level ozone, or smog, that are above a threshold for what is healthy.

The latest data from the Texas Commission on Environmental Quality (formerly TNRCC or ‘Train Wreck’) gives the Beaumont-Port Arthur area a “moderate” air quality rating which is in between what is good and pollution levels that can cause health problems for certain people. Yet, I believe I have experienced some discomfort from the smog during the past two days.

My eyes have had that itchy feeling although not nearly as bad as the misery I experienced during mountain cedar fever season when I lived in Central Texas. A little Visine every now and then fixes me up in dealing with the summertime smog. That wasn’t the case with that toxic mountain cedar a.k.a. ashe juniper. I took prescription Clarinex and used special allergy eye drops, and my eyes still itched quite spectacularly. I never knew allergies could be so bad.

It is kind of hazy out. That is just something you come to expect here during this time of year. As that sage Rosanne Rosannadanna said: “It’s always something.”

You may say many things good and bad about my home state of Texas. But you can never say that capitalism isn’t alive and well in the Lone Star State. My proof is this ad I saw on Houston’s Craigslist:

“TEXAS flag bikini resembles the great TEXAS state flag.
All sizes available.”

It is hard to imagine that William B. Travis, Jim Bowie or Davy Crockett — before being overrun at the Alamo — would have envisioned women running around in skimpy particles of the Texas flag. Then again, who knows what ones sees when violent death is imminent. You hear about your life flashing before you. I mean, seeing bikini-clad women wearing the flag of the adopted homeland you are about to be killed for probably wouldn’t be the worst, last thing to see.

Now I am sure there are people who vehemently disagree with the selling of what might be provocative articles of clothing that resemble our state’s flag. Flags — especially the U.S. flag — seem to hit a lot of nerve endings as if these symbols were desecrated every 10 seconds. You kind of expect to see Sally Struthers looking out at you with sad eyes on the TV screen asking you to send money and save a flag. Then there is that whole rebel flag controversy. Our people sure get worked up over symbols.

I don’t know what one is supposed to think if they are a red-blooded Texan about Texas flag bikinis. But this red-blooded Texan doesn’t think it’s traitorous or disrespectful or disgusting depending on, of course, who is wearing the Lone Star as a bikini. Because you know not everyone can pull off wearing a bikini. Leslie Cochran, who hangs out around Sixth and Congress in Austin, comes to mind.

So I just ask my fellow Texans to be as accepting and open-minded as they usually are and … Okay, I just ask my fellow Texans not to make a big fuss over Texas flag bikinis. But Leslie really shouldn’t wear one.