Month: September 2006

The big news across Texas today is the death of former Gov. Ann Richards at the age of 73. It could be said that she was the first woman governor of Texas to be elected without having to share what little power a Texas governor has with her husband. I refer not to Ann being a divorcee but rather than the “two-for-the-price-of-one” governance by Ma and Pa Ferguson who ruled the state during the first two decades of the 20th century.

Ann was one of those characters who could not have been invented if she didn’t exist. Her folksy Texas twang was unique among all of us Texans who, outsiders claim, speak funny. Her voice and persona could not have been cloned, just as there will never be another from-the-heavens voice as that of another Texas woman who was a political trailblazer — Barbara Jordan. Ann was like your mother if your mom had been a rock star.

Only once did I interview Ann. It was during her re-election campaign and she had stopped on a bus tour of East Texas to tour our local jail. I was invited to finish the bus tour which would go on to a neighboring city but for some reason I had to decline. That is a pity because one does not often have the opportunity to share space for a little while with such an extraordinary figure.

Thanks for everything Ann. Rock on.

Let me see a show of hands out there of those who thinks all, some or any hookers resemble Julia Roberts in “Pretty Woman?” Now I know a few may think Julia Roberts isn’t the best example for this topic. But after all, the movie was named “Pretty Woman” and one supposes the filmmaker meant the title to reflect how Julia Roberts looks. Plus, the movie people were in this era where they were too lazy to think up an imaginative movie title so we were fed titles from the names of popular songs like Roy Orbison’s “Pretty Woman.”

But your average run-of-the mill, garden variety crack whore usually bears little resemblance to Julia Roberts on an exceptional day (an exceptional day for Julia Roberts and the hooker.)

The Smoking Gun brilliantly illustrates that, while you may find a streetwalker with a heart of gold, her lifestyle can wear her her down so much that she looks like this. Or even like this. Or even like this poor lady who had the mother of all bad hair days.

These are mugshots of some hard-working girls scooped up by police in Bensalem, Penn., after they allegedly advertised their wares in the “Casual Encounter” section of Philidelphia Craigslist, according to TSG.

I guess for some, at least, it really doesn’t pay to advertise.

“I’m often asked why we’re in Iraq when Saddam Hussein was not responsible for the 9/11 attacks. The answer is that the regime of Saddam Hussein was a clear threat.” — Gee Dubya Bush, el presidente.

Many of us have asked that question. Now we know. Saddam was a “clear threat.” He didn’t have weapons of mass destruction like Kim Jong-il. I don’t recall that Saddam was threatening the West with a nuclear program like Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. But he was a clear threat. Thanks for clearing that up Gee Dubya.

An old Chinese proverb says something to the effect that editors should produce errors for readers to find. I can’t exactly remember the reason why. Perhaps it gives the reader something to do. Perhaps it helps boost self-esteem. Perhaps I am just grabbing this proverb out of my ass.

Nonetheless, this week’s mystery error was found by none other than my dear friend Suzie who lives in Arkansas. Suzie correctly corrected me by pointing out Gene Kelly was in “Singing in the Rain.” What I doofus I am. Well, as I told Suzie, we still need more Astaires. As in Astairway to Heaven.

Lina: Oh Donny! You couldn’t kiss me like that and not mean it just a teensy bit!
Don Lockwood: Meet the greatest actor in the world! I’d rather kiss a tarantula.
Lina: You don’t mean that.
Don Lockwood: I don’t – – Hey Joe, get me a tarantula.

For this week’s mystery winner, Suzie gets a free subscription to, what else? eight feet deep. What’s that? You say you already have a free subscription? Then have another. Jeez, I can’t give them away fast enough!

It rained just a short time ago. Because of drought conditions, that’s considered news where I am located in North Central Texas, unlike the Beaumont area from where I came.

I stood out in the rain for a minute or two. It wasn’t really raining that hard. I was thinking while the rain was falling: Why is it that you never see someone dancing and singing in the rain like Fred Astaire? Oh, I am sure people would think you are somewhat insane, but who cares? I would dance and sing in the rain myself except for the fact that I am a lousy dancer and I couldn’t carry a tune if it was captured and kept in a hermetically-sealed bucket.

Where are all the Fred Astaires out there? We need you more than ever.